No Soap-ra on a Rope-ra for Oprah! Oprah's eighth and tenth favorite things...

Oprah apparently LIKES to be clean, judging from this next two "favorite things"...

KAI BODY BUTTER and BODY BUFFER

"Bathing is an art form and nobody enjoys it more than I do," Oprah says. Kai customized their signature scent into a moisturizing body butter in a tub just for Oprah. "It's clean and fresh," she says. She also loves the Body Buffer by Kai, which combines an exfoliating loofah and cleansing soap all in one. Just wet and squeeze to release foaming bubbles that smell like an exotic garden.

• Approximate value: Body Buffer $28; Body Butter $55
• www.kaifragrance.com
• Also available at Embrace in Hinsdale, IL: 877-361-7223, www.embraceyourstyle.com; www.eluxury.com, 877-890-7171

In addition to Oprah love-love-loving cleanliness, she wants to spread the soapy goodness. Her tenth favorite thing that's soap related? Check it out...

CLAUS PORTO SOAPS FROM LAFCO NEW YORK

Oprah sez:

These all-natural, bath-sized shea butter bars distributed by Lafco New York are a labor of love. They have been created by the Claus Porto's family-run factory in Portugal for the past 117 years. The jumbo-sized soaps appeal to the senses with beautiful wrappers and 17 magnificent scents, from honeysuckle to grapefruit fig. "They make great hostess gifts," Oprah says.

Approximate value: $42 (set of 3)
800-362-3677; www.lafcony.com

OK...before I go into my spiel, I've got a few things to point out:

1. Is it just me, or does Oprah have an innate talent to take anything we do in our daily life and make it seem like it's some undiscovered ancient technique that only she knew about and now she's telling US all about it? That's right up there with "cake genius" in terms of insipid ideas.
2. Regarding Oprah's claim that nobody enjoys bathing more than she does, I think that's crap. Here's a short list of who I think enjoys bathing JUST AS MUCH AS OPRAH DOES.

• Anyone who's had to work around livestock all day
• Anyone who's had to work around sick children all day
• Anyone who's had to work around livestock AND sick children all day

3. Is she prejudiced against showers? That's pretty unfair, in my opinion.

Well, never fear, fans...have I got an idea for YOU!

I present to you the Soap Crone!

One of my fellow bloggers, Groovygrrl (out of Denver, CO) is - in addition to being TOTALLY fabulous - a soapmaker. As in, she makes soap and other things you get clean with. Plus sides:

• These soaps are all-natural: no artificial ingredients, fragrances, or additives are used. (This is a direct quote from her site, by the by...and she even has some vegan soaps in her inventory...)
• Another direct quote...All of The Olde Crone's soaps are handmade. A mold that shapes the soaps in a uniform manner is used; soaps weigh between 4-4.5 ounces each. The soaps are meant to be used, hence their rustic appearance. If you want to use them to scent your underwear drawer, you are welcome to do so, but it is preferred that you use the soaps and then tell us how much you love them.
• She also makes lotions, flavored lip balms, sugar scrubs, and other items to get clean and soft with.
  
• She takes your regular credit card using Paypal. You don't need to be a Paypal member to do it
• She'll even provide instructional materials if you want to make your own soap!
• You can meet "the Soap Crone" personally at one of the many farmers markets she frequents in the Denver area.

As far as costs go...

• the soaps are $5/bar with many varieties to choose from.
  
• Her "solid lotion" (you have to see it to believe it) is $6.50/tube.
  
• The sugar scrubs are $12.50/jar
• the lip balm is $3.00 (I think it costs about the same as Burt's Bees, truth be told).

So ask yourselves this: what good is it to enjoy bathing and buttering oneself after said bath if the stuff you slather on costs more than a full tank of gas?

It ain't too good at all, folks...so PLEEZ PLEEZ go see The Olde Crone and her wonderful world of soap. You'll be glad you did, and you'll be supporting a fellow blogger get her groove on in the world of free enterprise!

Now where's my rubber duckie, damnit?

PS: The Soap Crone doesn't do fancy packaging because she wants to pass the savings on to you. However, she does suggest tying two of her soap bars together with a strip of fabric as ribbon to create a festive and rustic touch. You can also get fancy baskets and other things at your local craft stores and individualize your gift. What could be better than that?