Tuesday, June 12, 2007

OK - I'm gonna write whether I'm inspired or not, dammit!

Rice engineered to carry cholera vaccine
(So...will Condi carry it in her purse or in her pocket?)

God-DAMN, folks! I am REALLY sorry about the lack of posting lately. Not sure what it is...some kind of pre-menopausal writers block, maybe? Oh I hope not.

Anyway...a few updates here.

First of all, the big band and little group had a great gig on Sunday. We played at a local Holiday Inn for event planners - specifically, event planners who plan military unit reunions. We didn't get paid the greatest, but we did get some REALLY good food, and hopefully this will pay off in terms of more gigs. I did have to mention that the audience was witnessing a miracle - they saw 18 jazz musicians AWAKE before noon on a Sunday. (That crack was a hit, BTW - whenever you can make the audience and the musicians laugh, you're on a roll.)

Secondly...in exchange for DD giving me sporadic golf lessons, I've gotten him hooked on the movie "Lawrence of Arabia". Oh HELL yeah, I did. He's only gotten through to the intermission, which in itself is a feat...the movie's well over two hours long (I think more like 3.5 hours if memory serves me correctly).

Next up on the movie list for DD? "Goodfellas".

I found my extra super-duper commemorative edition of this magnificent film last week and finally got to watch it all the way through for the first time in well over a year. Sigh...nothing makes me happier than odes to sharkskin suits, lots of swearing and New York accents. Therefore, in the spirit of true friendship, I gotta share the love, man. Gotta do it.

Besides, Joe Pesci and I share a birthday...this whole "Goodfellas" obsession of mine does makes sense. He and I are both very capable of throwing a good hissy-fit, although I usually don't accessorize mine with a handgun. The "f" word can be just as prevalent. That tendency shouldn't really be a point of pride with me, but I just can't help myself!

Well, another reason I've been rather ineffective the past few days is because I just don't want to write about stupid ol' Paris Hilton. I knew that I'd go into a rant if I did, but absolutely NOTHING out there was inspiring my sorry ass. So that's why I did the one post yesterday about Operation Second Chance...I needed to mention some folks that are actually doing GOOD in this world, as opposed to everyone's favorite jailbird bimbo.

So let me just make some comments about stuff...and then I'll be on my way.

First, in the "Install Dan Rather with a mute button" department...apparently, Ol' Danny-Boy has shot from the lip (at least, in Les Moonves' opinion). According to the article (which is linked to, as you can see), this is the problem:

CBS Corp. Chief Executive Leslie Moonves shot back at former CBS news anchor Dan Rather on Tuesday, saying remarks Rather made about his successor, Katie Couric, were "sexist."

Rather, speaking on MSNBC by phone on Monday, said CBS had made the mistake of taking the evening news broadcast and "dumbing it down, tarting it up," and playing up topics such as celebrities over war coverage. The comments appeared in blogs and in a story published Tuesday in the New York Daily News.

While referring to Couric as a "nice person," Rather said "the mistake was to try to bring the 'Today' show ethos to the 'Evening News,' and to dumb it down, tart it up in hopes of attracting a younger audience."

Great. Apparently, Jeff Foxworthy is now writing material for Rather. I can just see their brainstorming sessions:
"Ah-'ight, Dan...now, the next thing you should do is say, 'If you have to use hand puppets to demonstrate how Parliament works, you might be Katie Couric...' "
And as a side note, if you "tart up" something associated with a female, what exactly do you do for something associated with a male? You "Pimp" it, right?

Great...so I can look forward to:
"Da Evenin' News fo Pimps and Ho's, with your anchor, Huggy Lowdown - Shaft with the weather - Flyguy with sports - and Big Jim Slade, your mack in the field."
Shee-it. That scenario got out of hand, didn't it?

Let's go on to something else.

In the "lunchmeat as a weapon" department...apparently, SPAM is a big hit in Hawaii. (Note to self...I knew there was a reason I hadn't gone to Hawaii.) It's so well-liked in Hawaii that Burger King and McDonald's are engaging in "SPAM Wars". Yep - the stats are AMAZING. From the article:

Despite being one of the least-populated states, Hawaii leads the nation in consumption of the Hormel Foods Corp. product. It's been a hit ever since World War II. Isle residents consume more than 5 million pounds of Spam a year, an average of about six cans for every man, woman and child.

There are also more varieties of Spam sold in Hawaii than anywhere else. There's Spam Garlic, Spam Bacon, Spam with Cheese, Spam with Tabasco, Spam Turkey and Spam Lite, which featured less sodium and less fat.
Uh - my mother's been to Hawaii, and I really hope she didn't catch on to this trend. She LOVES her some Spam, and if she knew that Spam Lite existed, I just don't know what we would do.

Yes, I know I'm supposed to have an open mind about this stuff, but when you consider the fact that Spam and Twinkies have approximately the same indeterminate shelf life, it is a scary proposition. The fact that fast food places are serving it to Hawaiians because they LOVE Spam scares me very much.

So there you have it...I'm afraid of Spam. Go ahead and shout it to the rest of the world, folks - admitting I have a problem is the first step.

And finally...I found a video clip of one of my favorite jazz/soul singers, Mr. Al Jarreau. This is a clip of his video "Mornin'", and I just have to say one thing about it...

Jarreau's gotta be damned secure in his image to have his '80s fashion thing goin' on and immortalized for all eternity. I mean, I'm all down with the man wearing the turned-up polo shirt collar, the pink stuff, etc. (and BTW, it's so not fair when a guy looks better in pink than me). But he's gotta be damned secure. Let's just say this is a look that has NOT translated very well in twenty-some years' time, and MOST guys I know would have the film destroyed. I'm just sayin'.

And with that, my li'l bran muffins, I'm off...I'll be back to harass the blogosphere tomorrow.