Monday, June 04, 2007

Magic Mongo Monday

Well (that's a deep subject, ar ar)...we've got some celebrity birthdays today!

Happy Birthday - Actor Bruce Dern is 71. He's my favorite actor selected for eccentric and/or psychopath roles. He's also musician Ben Harper's father-in-law.

Also, Happy birthday to Angelina Jolie - she's 32 today. Her present to herself is a do-it-yourself adoption paperwork kit...actually, seventeen of them.

She bought up the entire inventory at her neighborhood Office Depot in an effort to stifle Mia Farrow's urges to adopt the entire under-15 population of Kenya. (Oh yeah, and also Madonna's maternal cravings...)


Well, it's back to business (of a sort) this week. I urge you to go read two blog entries if you read no others this week...Jules wrote about old lady hair-dos and memories of her grandmothers therein, and Brian wrote about the (literal) last day of school at his old school (closing up for good). They're both very good posts.

In addition, not much going on this week. Doug is back from the "horse spittle" (Dawsonian term for "hospital") and we spent yesterday doing housework.

Why? Because it was raining.

I have discovered a combo spiritual/scientific theory for why rain happens - rain happens because God designates certain days for us to do housework. In order for the human race to not be distracted from these necessary tasks, superior beings (or Higher Powers if one uses that term instead) make it rain. And NO, it doesn't matter if you're Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu, or Muslim...all those superior beings get together with their metaphysical Palm Pilots and set up the dates. Not sure if it's a working lunch since I don't arrange those things, but I imagine that's what happens, anyway.

Call me a crackpot, but I have a clean kitchen and bathroom thanks to D, myself and the Almighty. Praise God and pass the Lysol.

So - one more li'l thing - OK - this caught my eye thanks to The Ex.

Here's the quote, referring to one Fred Dalton Thompson, a lobbyist, actor, lawyer and former US senator. It comes from the International Herald Tribune website, regarding Fred Thompson's potential candidacy for POTUS (President of the United States).

He (Thompson) has flirted openly with a candidacy for months after creation of a Tennessee-based effort to draft him into the race.
I kind of like that concept..."flirted openly with a candidacy".

I can just picture some absurd scene with Fred Thompson in a Mr. Furley-type leisure suit (complete with cheesy neckerchief), in a singles bar...
"Hey baby...come here often? Yeah, I'm Fred Thompson - I'm a Leo and I'm ROARIN' for you, baby. Would you like to come over and see my etchings?"

So I figure...hey...I know how to flirt (I've been accused of it on several occasions). Although I don't own a leisure suit and would look ridiculous in one if I did, I'm sure I have several outfits in my closet that have "cheese potential".

Therefore, I wish to "flirt openly with a candidacy". I have decided I would like to run for POTUS. Think about it...I'm pretty damned qualified!

  • I have scandals (read this damned blog in its entirety to find out...)
  • I have lost many jobs in my past (think about Harry Truman's background on that one)
  • I know all the words to the Star Spangled Banner (and also "Witch Doctor" by Alvin and the Chipmunks)
  • I have straight teeth (thanks to 2 years of braces) and relatively good hair (although I'm plagued by split ends at the moment)
  • I never shut up
  • I argue a lot and can be blindly driven by my own stubborn-ness when all around me, facts show that my thinking is totally incorrect
  • I can mispronounce words with the best of 'em.
So here we go...I'm gonna go for it...I will be the USA's first bipolar, artificially red-haired, female, jazz-singing and Bugs Bunny quotin' POTUS...I've even got T-SHIRTS worked out!
What else could go wrong?

I will need help on this campaign, so if anyone is willing to volunteer, please let me know in the comments. As they say in the movie "Mean Girls", "Let's rock this bitch!"

UPDATE: Lime at House of Lime has volunteered to come up with my campaign slogans, and Jules at Theater of the Absurd has volunteered to moon the competition and/or have sex with them (depending on who it is, of course) to distract them and give me the clean sweep victory I so deserve. More openings with this utterly fab campaign are open...create your own!

Finally, one final's quote...

Thought for Today:
"When you betray somebody else, you also betray yourself."
— Isaac Bashevis Singer, Polish-born American Nobel Prize-winning author (1904-1991).

Sudiegirl's response: When you betray someone else to a tabloid, you also earn money.

And with that...I bid you adieu (or ah don't...depending on the mood...)