Tuesday, January 30, 2007

VP Birthday Wishes and other stuff...

Sorry - I couldn't resist the comparison.

Windin' up January, and it's kinda cold around here. OH well...that's how it's supposed to be in January, correct? Anyway, just a few too-short days until my next birthday - ughhhhhhhhhh. Oh well, another day closer to death...if I don't treat it as anything but, I'll be horribly disappointed.

I'm going to try my very hardest to watch Da Super Bowl this year...between Billy Joel singing the National Anthem, Prince doing pre-game or half-time (don't remember which), and Da Bears playin', good times are ahead. I guarantee it. Even though I don't have HDTV or any of that crap, I'm gonna get comfy and listen to my boy Prince. I even forgive him for disregarding all of his "dirty songs".

I've got some things to do re: preparing for my third set o' nuptials. I've gotta find a dress, I have to get copies of both divorce decrees (two separate counties in Iowa...this should be fun...) and find a sport jacket for D. Oh, and check on how to do the whole "reserve a block of rooms in a hotel" thing...I am not sure if I have to pay for that service at my local Holiday Inn or not, so that's something I definitely need to find out.

To be honest, it's going to be different for me on the third try. My dad's gone, my sister may or may not be there, I'm in a new state, I'm in a new church, and not as many people are anticipated. D's got a big family (he's the youngest of five) but we don't know how many of his folks will be there beyond the sibs, step-sibs and parental units. We're making our own family here in some ways, and it's different. I don't love my family any less, but I'm making it bigger. (Jesus, it sounds like I'm building a deck...)

It never ceases to amaze me about how my life has changed in the past five or six years. I never saw myself coming here to the DC area. I dreamed of a life in NYC but never thought I'd accomplish it (especially once I changed my major and married husband #1). I thought I'd die in Iowa. I'm not sure where I'll die, and I probably won't have a chance to complain about it, so it doesn't really matter, right? (Off the Morbid Bus now...sorry)

I'm sure some of my friends from home are saying, "All right now...joke's over...call U-Haul and pack up your crap." But it ain't happening, and it's NOT just because I'm lazy (although that does factor in to the decision). It's not happening because I am finally being known for myself.

I know that it's a good thing to be part of a family unit and all that, but let's face it...it gets a little old to be known as "a Dawson girl", "John and Mary's daughter", "Ruth's sister", "Clyde and Alma's granddaughter", and "Tom's sister" (which I am NOT).

I love my parents and sister, and loved my grandparents very much.

However, I remember being fired from my very first full-time job (in a lawyer's office), and the man that fired me said to my face: "I only hired you because I know your grandparents."

That tends to leave a bad taste in one's mouth. (BTW, he died not too long ago, and God punished him better than I ever could have by taking his memory and ability to practice law away. It was sad, but it was fitting if I do say so myself.)

I have been asked many times how my children are, if I like being a nurse, and other things that apply explicitly to my sister. Most of the time I just say the kids are fine, but if I'm asked this question by someone who should know better, I say, "No, I'm not the Dawson nurse with the children."

That person usually asks, "Well, which one ARE you?"

"The other one." (Leave 'em guessing, I always say.)

My mother's gotten on my case about it before, and I can see why. It's good to live in a place where you're known...you get help when you need it, you have people that can make a connection from the unfamiliar to the familiar, and you're part of a nice, tidy little ecosystem of small town life. You can view it as a slice of history...and that's OK. Sometimes it's cool to meet someone that your mom went to school with, or someone that remembers your dad from FFA days or whatever.

But when that's the ONLY thing someone sees about you (the association rather than the person), it gets a smidge old. I guess it's the performer in me, but I'd rather be known as ME and my deeds be known as MINE, as opposed to someone always saying, "Isn't she related to so and so?" or (if I screw up), "She's a no-account, just like her (insert relative here)".

Here in this area, my mistakes are mine. My accomplishments are mine. The friends I've made don't look at me as "belonging" to a family unit...they see me, and they make a judgment based on me.

I've griped about this before...it's nothing new to you, gentle readers...but it's still something I struggle with. I don't like the idea of going home for good times because I'm so afraid it'll turn into bad times just because someone says, "Oh, you're (So and so's) (qualifier)".

I've got to develop a thicker skin...but then again, I've also gotta be ME!

What's a girl to do?

Drink more tequila? (I don't even really LIKE tequila, but anesthetic is a good thing...)


Current events stuff will happen tomorrow...so check back!