Thursday, January 04, 2007

Thursday Thrombosis

Today in history:

In 1965, poet T.S. Eliot died in London at age 76.
(Too bad those stupid poems that Andrew Lloyd Webber got his mitts on didn't die with him.)

Whew - folks, I gotta tell ya, I'm ready for the week to be OVER. Yes. OVER. I guess those two four-day weekends in a row kicked me in the butt, huh? Oh well...that's the way it goes in the big city. Or the small town. (I need a nap too - did I mention?)

However, neither rain, sleet, snow, sleep deprivation or a surprise visit from George Clooney will keep me from my appointed rounds...well, now...maybe I'm being too hasty with the Clooney factor. Still, I'm devoted, damn it!

First of all, today's "Celebrity criminal" is BUSTA RHYMES!!! I must say, if one could pick their mug shot, this is a pretty good picture of the man. The outfit looks good too, but you know how the penal system can be about that whole day-glo orange thing. Narrow minds...what can I say?

Anyway, according to this article, Busta did the right thing and turned himself in for what he did. However, in true celebrity news procedure, what did the press note? HIS CLOTHING...

Wearing a red, long-sleeved shirt and jeans, Rhymes was led out of the station late Wednesday. He was to go to court Thursday, Grimpel said.

Now y'all know I love the celebrity news - but unless the outfit is something way out, like he was arrested wearing a pink bunny-suit and flip-flops, why do we need to know what Mr. Rhymes is wearing? Do you honestly think that some wanna-be is going to read this article and say, "Hey, man - the next time I'm picked up by the NYPD I'm gonna dress just like my man Busta!" I think not.

However, Mr. Rhymes has indeed been pushing the envelope, between this charge, another charge from August '06, and driving by a precinct station in November with cellphone attached firmly to ear. So maybe the cops helped him pick out something to wear? I don't know. All I know is I don't need to know what the dude was wearing as the police came and escorted him out of the station.

Here's another picture that intrigued me today. The caption states the following:

Sir Paul McCartney has become a grandfather for the fourth time after his fashion designer daughter Stella, seen here in November 2006, gave birth to a baby girl, his first granddaughter.(AFP/File/Leon Neal)

My question is: What is up with that facial expression? I'm sure she's an attractive female (even if the picture doesn't really show it all that well).

However, here are some words that come to mind when viewing this photo...

1. Drunk?
2. In pain? Maybe in labor at time of photograph?
3. Possessed by the devil?
4. Asked to describe the last few holidays spent with her dear stepmother Heather?
5. Both 2 and 3
6. All of the above?

Please - get this woman to a Glamour Shots studio, STAT!

Next - an award! (Big surprise - when all else fails, trot out the awards...)

Actually, the subtitle of today's award should be "First Brain Trust Bank"...why?

The Bank of Queensland (Australia)
Reason: Issuing a credit card to a cat. To quote the article:

SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australian bank has apologised for issuing a credit card to a cat after its owner decided to test the bank's identity security system. The Bank of Queensland issued a credit card to Messiah the cat when his owner Katherine Campbell applied for a secondary card on her account under its name.
The bank, in its infinite wisdom, cancelled the card.

Judge's comments: do I begin? Let's just touch upon the basics, shall we?

1. MY CATS will never have this opportunity, so if you two fuzzheads are reading this entry, for-get-it. Just ain't happenin'. I know you like going to Petco but you just have to let Mommy & Daddy play with the dirty money.

2. To give the devil's advocate some work to do, the bank employee responsible for processing this form has probably seen a lot of weird names cross past his/her stack of work. The processor probably saw the first name of "Messiah" and figured this application should be expedited. After all, would YOU want to keep Jesus waiting for His Mastercard? I wouldn't.

And of course, more new awards from this fertile brain o' mine - ladies and gentlemen, prepare for...

Yes, the noble side of us wants to praise these folks for their bravery, but unfortunately, the cynic in our souls has you lookin' at the dark side. So let's have at it...

First member:
Darrin Malsack, 30, of West Allis, Wisconsin
Reason: To quote the article:

WEST ALLIS, Wis. - An auto parts store manager says that, in hindsight, he probably should have exercised better judgment than to leap onto a getaway car carrying two shoplifters as they prepared to speed out of the store's parking lot.

But Darrin Malsack, 30, said Tuesday it all happened very quickly Friday after the men stole a portable DVD system from the Checker Auto Parts store and he clung to the roof of their speeding station wagon with one hand and dialed 911 on his cell phone with the other.
The car reached a speed of 50 mph with Malsack holding on to the luggage rack for dear life. The car went for seven blocks before reaching a stop sign, at which point Mr. Malsack jumped off the top.

Double plus bonus: The license plate number Malsack gave the authorities didn't match the car, plus as of today, nobody was taken into custody.

Judge's comments: Uh - what? I guess I might have done the same thing if I were in this guy's spot, but by the same token, WHAT THE HELL WAS HE THINKING? He could have been killed. Furthermore, there's no guarantee that if he'd been injured in this li'l venture, he would have been compensated by his employer for something like worker's compensation. This ain't "Cops", man. Sometimes you've just gotta let things go.

Plus, you gave your mother a heart attack - I hope you're happy. (that's what my dad would have said, anyway...)

So on that cheerful note, I'll be back tomorrow!

Smooches, y'all!