Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Day after Ford's funeral Day!!!

Quote of the day:

"`I can forgive, but I cannot forget,' is only another way of saying, `I will not forgive.' Forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note — torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one." — Henry Ward Beecher, American clergyman (1813-1887).

(Uh - what a jerk! As I always say, you can forgive a dog for biting you, but that doesn't mean you should go back in that dog's yard. What a yutz.)

Well. Life is back to normal (?) here in Sudieworld. Back to work, easing into the schedule like one eases into their favorite pair of jeans. Sigh...and in another two weeks we'll have another government holiday. YAY. I love these holidays.

So, since life is "back to normal" (a relative term, although if you know my relatives, it's not necesarily applicable), let's get down and funky with our bad selves, eh?

First of all, here's the "celebrity criminal" for today (at the rate this society is going, this will probably morph into a daily feature.)

Now, I'm diggin' the mug shot, but why is Tyson sticking his tongue out?

Is he waiting for a communion wafer?

Is he panting?

Did he bite his tongue or burn it on a hot cup of coffee? Inquiring minds want - nay, NEED - to know. At any rate, he's been a bad boy - per the article:

SCOTTSDALE, Arizona (Reuters) - Former heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson was arrested in Arizona on Friday and charged with driving under the influence of drugs and possession of cocaine, police said.

Tyson was arrested in Scottsdale, 10 miles east of Phoenix, Arizona, after his black BMW nearly collided with a sheriff's vehicle, according to court documents.

"During an interview with Mike he admitted to using today and stated he is an addict and has a problem," the arresting officer said in court documents. "Mike admitted to possessing bags of cocaine and said he uses any time he can get his hands on it."

Uh - that's not an equation I want to remember. Tyson + cocaine= a path of carnage in his wake. Yikes. I do hope Mike gets the help he needs.

Next, two "Egg-Suckin' Dogs"!
Egg-Sucker #1: An un-named thirsty German
Reason for Egg-Sucking: Per the article:

BERLIN (Reuters) - A thirsty German sold his 6-year-old step-daughter's pet beagle to the owner of a bar to pay for beer, the Bild newspaper reported Friday.

The unemployed man offered to take the dog for a walk and then stopped at a bar where he convinced the owner to buy the 3-year-old dog for 40 euros ($53).

The owner of the bar returned the dog later on.
Judge's comments: This guy is a rat-bag scumsucker.

I'm sorry, but you know, I've been unemployed many times in my life. I never once stooped to an action like this. Pawning off your own items is one thing, but selling a dog for beer is rotten.

Hint to dog-selling jerk: Does Germany have water fountains? If so, check 'em out sometime. Last I heard, water emanating from a receptacle like this is FREE.

OK -
"Egg-Sucker" Number 2: Charmaine Twarozek from Cheektowaga, NY
Reason for sucking: Creating poison meatballs for unsuspecting neighborhood dogs to eat.

Per the article:

A 55-year-old woman was arrested for cooking up a lethal batch of meatballs mixed with rat poison and feeding it to a neighbor's dog because she didn't like its barking.

Charmaine Twarozek was arrested Friday after an officer found a frying pan coated with remnants of ground beef and rat poison in her trash. She was charged with poisoning a dog and cruelty to animals, misdemeanors, police said.

Apparently, the dog-barking problem had been going on a while and was causing stress between the poisoner and the dog's owners. So, Twarozek (which must be Czech for "dog-poisoning pinhead") cooked up a special recipe for the pooch.

Sue Anderson, owner of the dog in question, stated that her husband saw the dog eating something by the back fence of their yard. The husband brought the dog (named Roscoe) in the house, and Roscoe had something in his mouth - a poisoned meatball. The owners took the dog to an emergency animal hospital, and found that Roscoe didn't eat very much of the meatball after all. He's on high doses of vitamins until further notice.

Meanwhile, Ms. Twarozek has not returned phone calls from reporters.

Judge's comments:
You know, I understand the frustration with dogs not shutting up. I'm a country girl - I'm used to dogs barking like crazy. You can yell at them all you want, and they're just going to do what they want anyway.

But poisoning them is wrong. Just plain wrong. I don't care how irritating it is, how many nights' sleep one loses, it's just WRONG. That's why you call your animal control office (if your town or county has one). The dog is just doing what a dog does - barking.

There are no exceptions to this rule for me - if there is problematic behavior from a pet in the neighborhood, you don't take matters into your own hands.

Maybe I should serve the lady some of MY cooking - that might do her in faster than her poisoned meatballs.

NEXT TOPIC, peoples!

A NEW YEAR deserves a new award, and boy do we got one -

Drum roll please...

Yes, if you travel the road less intelligent, you will be considered for membership in the Rancho Sudiegirl Brain Trust.

Today's inaugural member: Herman Scott Swafford of Athens, Tennessee
Reason for induction: Being honest.

Per the article:

When deputies knocked, Herman Scott Swafford told them what they already smelled. McMinn County Sheriff's Department records show deputies knocked on the door of an outbuilding, suspicious that someone might be making methamphetamine.

A report shows that Deputy Mike Patterson smelled a chemical odor and when he asked Swafford what was going on inside, Swafford said, "You know what's going on, I'm cooking meth."

Apparently, the genius was already on probation, so it's a double plus bonus there.

Interesting note: Here is how the reporter described the meth cooking apparatus...

Deputies found a glass bottle with a plastic 20-ounce soda bottle attached to it with red electrical tape and a hot plate with the heat turned on. The report shows ingredients used to make meth were in the bottle and had been cooking about 45 minutes.
Now THAT's a contraption. That's pretty interesting, although not in compliance with OSHA, I'm sure. Did I mention that my home state was one of the leading producers of meth? Makes me proud, I'll tell you what.

Judge's comments: Apparently, honesty was not the best policy for this guy, but at least he didn't try to hide it. Not sure how much good that'll do him in court, but you know...that's the way it goes.

Finally, a new year wouldn't be complete without a first-of-the-year inductee for the "International League of Buttheads", so here we go!

Today's recipient: Stephen Mujerm, 40, of Lanham, Md
Reason: Gee, I think the first paragraph of this article speaks for itself:

YORK, Pa. - A man who proposed to his girlfriend at a New Year's party allegedly knocked her out with a steering wheel lock just hours after she said yes, police said.
Yep - apparently love DOES hurt. Mr. Mujerm asked his girlfriend, one Victorine Taboh, to marry him. However, on the way home from a New Year's party, Mujerm was driving erratically, and his fiancee complained about it.

His response? The article states it so clearly, so here it is:

As the confrontation escalated, Taboh began breaking the windows of Mujerm's car with a steering wheel lock, police said. Mujerm then punched Taboh and hit her in the head with the lock, knocking her unconscious, said police.
Ms. Taboh was taken to the hospital, treated for her injuries and released. Mr. Mujerm was not so lucky...he was, quote: "charged...with aggravated assault, simple assault, reckless endangering and driving while under the influence of alcohol."

Judge's comments:
You know, if she marries him after all this, she might qualify for the brain trust membership we offer (see above). And the guy? Don't get me started on him. Just don't go there.


So, on that note, I'll say farewell for the day and catch up with you 'round the bend. YAYAYA!