Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Rancho Sudiegirl's Christmas Countdown Day 2

OK - To make this an official "Rancho Sudiegirl Christmas Countdown Entry", here's a Yahoo! Answers Q & A about Yuletide, and my response.

Question: Who going to be on the naughty list this year? Who's going to be on the nice list?

Yahoo's answer: Naughty as always!

Sudiegirl's response: You mean you get notified? Damn...it all makes sense now.

There...Christmas comedy. Now leave me alone...


Next, a brief YouTube tribute to one of my favorite dance numbers between a man and a mouse:

(BTW, did you see the little kid in the sailor suit with the curly hair? That's Dean Stockwell...as in "Quantum Leap" Dean Stockwell. RIP, Joe Barbera.)


I guess I'm kind of a crank-ass today. (That's a family term when someone is feeling less than chipper, as in, "Damn, you're a crank-ass.") I'm not sure why...I got the best chocolate chip cookies in the whole wide world in the mail last night. You see, my mom's housemate Jennine has a cousin that is one of the world's bestest bakers. He especially makes super-good chocolate chip cookies. I hadn't eaten his cookies since Dad passed, and Mom sent us about three dozen or so for part of our Christmas present. Sigh...I guess the sugar buzz wore off.

So in honor of my pissy mood, plus the fact that it is the 86th birthday of a certain country singer, Rancho Sudiegirl, Inc. (publisher of the "Britney Spears Guide To Finding Your Underwear Drawer"...it's a very short book) proudly presents...

This is dedicated to all those individuals who deserve a little distress in the nasal area. I think - as a change of pace - I'm not going to use a news article as a reference. I'm just going to give the awards to anonymous people that require that an object be lodged - FORCIBLY - into the nasal cavity. Here are a few examples:

1. Bosses that chew you out with the door open. That takes lots of class...NOT!

2. Sales clerks (or anyone else, really) that tend to look at you with a vacant stare when you ask them a question or make a request, and that stare has a twinge of, "What are you bothering ME for?" Makes me want to jump over the counter and stick a pen in their ear, then push really hard.

3. Little kids who refuse to eat anything in a restaurant, and indulgent parents that allow this, yet fight about it at the same time.

OK - in the spirit of giving and all that crap, I'd like to turn this to you...fellow readers, who would you give this coveted "Bird of Paradise" award to? Leave your notes in the comment box, and Rancho Sudiegirl will present said award to your anonymous designee!!!


Next, a salute to scientific research on a topic most people have already figured out:

Today's winners of the"Blinded Me with Science!" Award:
Cornell University researcher Valerie Reyna and Frank Farley of Temple University

Reason: They researched and found out the answer to something I honestly thought society already knew - namely the reason that teenagers do stupid things. To quote the article:

Cornell University researcher Valerie Reyna and Frank Farley of Temple University conducted a review of scientific studies on the topics. Compared to adults, teens take about 170 milliseconds more weighing the pros and cons of engaging in high-risk behavior, the researchers conclude.

One hundred seventy milliseconds, huh? That's it?

The principles are also explained. To quote the article again:

Adults scarcely think about risk, perhaps because they think they recognize risk intuitively. Teens, on the other hand, take time to mull the risk vs. benefit equation. "In other words, more experienced decision-makers tend to rely more on fuzzy reasoning, processing situations and problems as gists [the essence of their actions] rather than weighing multiple factors," Reyna said.

Teens often decide that the benefits of risky behavior immediate gratification or peer acceptance—outweigh the risks, Reyna said. She figures its better to teach teens some "gist-based" thinking skills, such as putting risks into general categories rather than lecturing with specific data and details.

Judge's comments:

Oh, I've got several.

1. My sister needs to get a stopwatch and time this...I'll ask her if 170 milliseconds feels like an eternity and then take my beating from her like a champ.

2. Without breaking the timing down into milliseconds, isn't this something that people kind of figure out about teenagers anyway? OF COURSE they'll make bizarro decisions because they're weighing in their friends' opinions as well as their parents' desires. Parents have known this (and been frustrated BY this) since the beginning of time. Why do foundations pay scientists good money to research this? Give that money to me and I'll formulate obvious theories by the shovel.
3. Is it me, or does "Fuzzy Reasoning" sound like some kind of bizarre garage band name? "Ladies and gentlemen, we are Fuzzy Reasoning!"

Either that or some kind of obscure cartoon starring a lemur. "Oh Fuzzy...what did you do NOW???"

And finally, another new award from Rancho Sudiegirl, Inc. This one is a tribute of some kind (maybe, I think) to a couple performers who have recently made the news. I give you...

Yes - as usual, the entertainment world inspires the good folks at Rancho Sudiegirl (all three of us, if you count the cats as "folks") to search the media for those who deserve to be included in this pantheon.

Inaugural member: Judith Regan

Reason: The article says it so well:

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Controversial publisher Judith Regan, whose plan to publish a book by O.J. Simpson called "If I Did It" ignited a firestorm of criticism, was fired for making anti-Semitic remarks in an argument with a colleague, a publishing source said on Monday.

BTW, in addition to the lovely tome by "The Juice", Regan's contributions to the world of literature include a memoir by porn star Jenna Jameson. Obviously catering to the family audience - if the family in question is the MANSON Family.

So apparently it wasn't enough to attempt to publish a book about an ex-football player who was willing to demonstrate how he would have killed his ex-wife. Nope...gotta go for the GUSTO!

The comments in question have not been disclosed, but apparently they were the proverbial backbreaking camel-type straws. Again, from the article:

The source confirmed a report in The New York Times that said Regan's sudden departure on Friday came after she made the comments in an argument with a Jewish lawyer for HarperCollins, a division of Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. empire and the publisher of the Regan Books imprint.

She has also retained the services of legal piranha - oops - lawyer Bert Fields, who stated, quote: "They've chosen war and they will get exactly that." He also stated for the record, "They were looking for an excuse to fire her, and they fired her, and called it anti-Semitic. It ain't anti-Semitic." So, she's suing for breach of contract.

Double plus bonus: Merry Christmas to you, JUDITH! You got the boot as the holiday party at HarperCollins was starting. No cookies and punch for you!

Judge's comments:

I'm sure she wasn't consciously thinking, "Hey, my career's in the crapper anyway...how about I pick a fight with a colleague and take digs at his heritage? YEAH!!! That's it!" I would hope she'd be smarter than THAT.

However, she's such a loose cannon these days, I wouldn't be surprised if - unconsciously - she was thinking that.

Maybe she's been hanging out with Howard Stern too much? Who knows?

All I know is that it seems to me she's not well. Between turning OJ's craptastic memoir into a personal quest for healing her own psyche (she was a victim of domestic abuse) and this, something's up. She's not saying what it is, but something's definitely going on.

So that, as they say, is that...so long and we'll see you tomorrow (if I don't throw annoying people through a window first).