Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Every Sue down in Sueville liked Christmas a lot...?

Sorry - I had to use that title - it was just CRYING to be used.

I know I've had a lack of Christmas posting here, and for that I do feel bad. If you've been staying away because of an absence of Christmas cheer, well, there's not a lot I can do about that.

But to be honest, as I've said before, I'm somewhat lacking in the Christmas spirit. Being through two divorces, more than a few relationships, and the usual stress of the holidays (in and out of the nuclear family circle), I just am not as fond of the secular part of it.

People look at me like I'm totally out of my tree when I say I don't have a Christmas tree at my house. Do you know what I do have? Two cats that never fail to get into trouble, and a Christmas tree (tall or small) might as well have a big neon sign in front of it saying, "Kitties Welcome! PLEASE CLIMB" NO NO NO. They probably sit around and plot how to destroy the house anyway...why give them ammunition?

The same can also be said for ceramic snow villages, candles, and other festive-type stuff. Yeah, I know it sounds rather harsh, but that's just life. Also, D and I usually go other places for Christmas (other people's homes) so what's the point of putting stuff up that we're too busy to enjoy? There ain't one as far as I'm concerned, so why aggravate myself?

I must admit, I have another deep-seated reason for not doing the Christmas tree my sis and I got older, she designated herself as the expert on all things Christmas related. This translated to, "By Christ, I am the ONLY one who knows how to decorate!" Never mind that I had decorated the tree successfully on more than one occasion, both with assistance and by my own damn self. Nope. Didn't count.

I think the last time I voluntarily decorated a Christmas tree was when I was a senior in high school. I was home on holiday break, and I tried to take charge of the tree.

Apparently, I didn't hang the tinsel right, I didn't string the lights right, and don't even get me started on the damned ornaments. Finally, I said, "You know what? I'm done!" With that, I handed her the ornament and stalked off to my "lair" (a.k.a. my bedroom).

Other problems? Let me make a list...

Disastrous gift exchanges? Check.

Snotty comments, including one from a five-year-old cousin (in a mocking playground tone, saying "You don't have a husband")? Check.

Relationships falling apart over the holidays? CHECK.

First ex-husband calling you on Christmas night on the first holiday you're separated, wanting to give you a Christmas present after ruining your life? OH HELL YEAH, CHECK!

Family fights? CHECK.

Grandparents fussing at you about various things you can't control? CHECK.

There are good memories...I'd be lying if I said there weren't. My nieces and nephew have helped me remember the good parts of Christmas from a child's eyes. I spent time with family members I did like as well as those I didn't.

I did laugh. I did hug. I did enjoy.

I got gifts that were weird, gifts that were wonderful, gifts that were poignant...and the gift of time with Ruth, the kids, Dad and Mom.

I also have the gift of friends - both blogger and non-blogger - that has helped keep me sane for so long. I know the holidays have been hectic, and maybe not everyone's been able to come by like before, but that's OK. You've already given me so much...and I am thankful.

D is one of the most precious gifts - he's proof that second chances do exist.

So this is my "official espousing on Christmas entry".


PS: D and I will be doing the "Chinese food and movie" activity this year...I'm psyched.