Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Results for Kev, and a shocking twist for Britney!

Well, so far, here's how the voting shapes up for K-Fed's new lady love:

One vote each for Paris Hilton and Jennifer Wilbanks, "the runaway bride".

No votes for Dame Edna Everage or Barbara Walters. (Come on y'all, what's up with that? There's a lot to be said for older women, or older...whatever the hell Dame Edna is.)

But the FRONT-RUNNER? Everyone's favorite temperamental ice-skating female thug...


Yes, Tonya is the top one so we'll start with her potential personal ad wording...

Hey, K-Fed! This is Tonya H., and I think we'd be ideal for each other. Why? We're both scrappy. I also think - between your "street cred" and my ability to find thugs to beat other people up - that we could wipe out our bad press faster than you can say "Olympic gold". I like sharpening skates, knives, bayonets - any sharp object you can get your hands on, really. I also dig Precious Moments figurines, long walks in the rain, and 'Wind Beneath My Wings' by Bette Midler. Give me a chance, but don't break my heart or I'll break your legs.
What a catch!

However, on the sad side...Mr. Fab has decided that Britney's not the one for him. Apparently, he heard through the grapevine that she might have an STD of some sort (which really isn't surprising, but sad nonetheless. So in the spirit of fairness that we establish here at Rancho Sudiegirl, I present to you the male contestants to win Britney's heart... Each one has their own unique qualities that would greatly enhance Britney's future.

Bobby's used to divas, plus he has a criminal record.

Hank Williams Jr. is a redneck, so that would keep Britney in touch with her roots.

Eddie Deezen...well, he's the dark horse in the running.

Donald Fagen is an obtuse musician, so he might have a good time playing with Britney's mind.

But why Wilford Brimley? Well, it's the right thing to do, and a different way to do it.

So, fair ol' Britney out so she can find the man of her dreams...or at least someone who'll just shut up and pay the bills.

Do it for the good of AMERICA!!!!!