Wednesday is not Guest Star Day at Rancho Sudiegirl

Thought for Today:


"Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses." — George Washington Carver, American botanist (1864-1943).


Sudiegirl's response:

"The other one percent covers both incompetence and not giving a s**t."

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So anyway...D and I carpool together every morning, and the conversations get rather weird. I am not sure if it's because we're both still waking up or what, but our discussions include past Saturday morning cartoons, who does what cartoon voice, and other topics of that nature.

Somehow, today's conversation turned to an episode of "Star Trek" where Kirk and some green alien dude were supposed to fight each other with weapons, but they had to make the weapons themselves.

D said that Captain Kirk made a gun out of the following items:

** a burnt up tree
** animal dung
** a diamond
** sulfur he found somewhere
** a hollowed out plant stem.

However, I countered with a weirder, yet equally effective plan. I advised that he make a ring with part of the hollowed out plant stem, and mount the diamond on the ring with some animal dung. He could make a box for the ring using part of the burnt-up tree, then cover it with sulfure so it would smell like rotten eggs. Next, use the remaining plant stem and put poo in it, then set it on fire. The bad guy would come out, see the smelly box, open it, find the diamond mounted in poo, and then you could throw a flaming hollowed out plant stem filled with poo at the bad guy.

Isn't that brilliant? Er...um...ahem...

OK...on to the world around us. First up, a new award: "You Can't Win For Losin' ". This award was designed for those situations that seem like happy endings, but...well, aren't.

Today's recipient: Dr. Weilie Hu and his surgical team from Guangzhou General Hospital in China.

Reason: They performed the first penis transplant, only to reverse it two weeks later.

To quote the article:

Dr Weilie Hu and surgeons at Guangzhou General Hospital in China performed the complex 15-hour surgery on a 44-year old man whose penis had been damaged in a traumatic accident.

The microsurgery to attach the penis, which had been donated by the parents of a 22-year-old brain-dead man, was successful but Hu and his team removed it two weeks later.

"Because of a severe psychological problem of the recipient and his wife, the transplanted penis regretfully had to be cut off," Hu said in a report published online by the peer reviewed journal European Urology, without elaborating.

There are some potentially embarrasing, yet important, scientific notations regarding the procedure. To quote the article,

There had been no signs of the 10-centimetre (4-inch) organ being rejected by the recipient's body. But Hu said more cases and longer observation are needed to determine whether sexual sensation and function can be restored.

"The patient finally decided to give up the treatment because of the wife's psychological rejection, as well as the swollen shape of the transplanted penis" Hu added.

Judge's comments:

Man - that's tough. Let me condense the article in layman's terms.

1. Man's winkie gets mangled in some sort of traumatic accident. (Right there, I'm cringing in sympathy pain even though I have no winkie)
2. Man encounters opportunity to get new winkie from dead 22 year old man.
3. Winkie is successfully transplanted, and he's packing normal size for the most part.
4. Wife does not like new winkie, and we don't know why other than the vague "psychological reaction" and swollen shape of said winkie.
5. Man has winkie removed.

What a tough call to make. We don't really know what the new winkie looked like - and maybe it was pretty Frankenstein-ish (without the bolts).

However, with regard to the "swollen shape", doesn't a winkie swell on certain occasions? Furthermore, if it's a transplanted organ, and it's only been two weeks since the procedure, isn't the winkie going to look a little funny? (Funnier than usual, that is...) My God...if I were him, I'd just hide for a few days, put some ice on it, and see what happens. Didn't the doctors prepare Mr. and Mrs. New Winkie for stuff like this?

So this poor guy is going to have problems again, all thanks to vanity. If it were me, I'd be kind of angry...I mean, winkies are for more than just fun. Men use them to rid themselves of bodily waste fluid (so I'm told). What's the poor guy gonna do now?

Moral of the story? Science does not always equal happiness, and you can't win for losin'.

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Another "Dumb Luck" award, and this item's from China too. (Don't worry, no racism here - just a weird coincidence!) If you don't feel this item qualifies as dumb luck, then too bad for you! My blog, my rules.
Recipient: Zhang Xinyan, central province of Henan, China

Reason: Mr. Zhang, who was in Beijing doing migrant work, was bitten by a panda. He retaliated by biting back. Oh, yeah, and Mr. Zhang drank four jugs of beer before biting the panda.

To quote the article:

Zhang Xinyan, from the central province of Henan, drank four jugs of beer at a restaurant near the zoo before visiting Gu Gu the panda on Tuesday, the Beijing Morning Post said.

"He felt a sudden urge to touch the panda with his hand," and jumped into the enclosure, the newspaper said.

The panda, who was asleep, was startled and bit Zhang, 35, on the right leg, it said. Zhang got angry and kicked the panda, who then bit his other leg. A tussle ensued, the paper said.

"I bit the fellow in the back," Zhang was quoted as saying in the newspaper. "Its skin was quite thick."

Outcome: Panda was sprayed with water to subdue it, while Mr. Zhang was hospitalized. To quote the article again:

Newspaper photographs showed Zhang lying on a hospital bed with blood-soaked bandages and a seam of stitches running down his leg.

What did he have to say for himself? Mr. Zhang was quoted as saying the following:

"No one ever said they would bite people," Zhang said. "I just wanted to touch it. I was so dizzy from the beer. I don't remember much."

Judge's comments:

Great. Just great. Now everyone's going to get drunk and bite pandas.

I'm relatively ignorant on matters of zoology, but I have heard that pandas can be mighty cranky for herbivores. They don't eat people, but they do bite if you scare them or piss them off.
I just hope they don't euthanize the panda because of the stupid, drunken decision of some guy. I want to fly to China and beat this guy with a stick while wearing a panda costume. Who's with me?

Well, I guess I'd better go...there's pandas just waiting to be bitten around these parts, and I haven't had a good mauling in a LONG time.

See ya in the intensive care ward...

Sudiegirl