Monday malaise

I should be wearing these t-shirts today...I HATE ALLERGY SEASON.

Why?

Three words.

Post. Nasal. Drip.

I just can't win. Just when the heat wave breaks and I can start enjoying myself again, the crud flows and I feel like battery acid is rolling down the back of my throat. Bleah.

I can only drink so much Diet Pepsi to cut the corrosion, so your favorite bipolar redhead has that "come hither" voice going...in spades, baby.

I may change the message on my voicemail so I can further thrill the masses. At the very least, it will give the collection agencies a thrill.

Anyway, as a result of my malady I did not attend the Jazz Jam at Roy's Place in Gaithersburg as I had initially planned. For you DC-ites reading this, you can find out more by going to www.DCJazz.com or the Perry Conticchio Jazz Quartet web site. It's a good time on a Sunday night, and best of all, those under the drinking age can also attend as it's a restaurant/bar.

Come on...it'll be fun, and you might get to see what your favorite bipolar redhead looks like (however, please refrain from screaming and running out of the building until the break as it upsets the wait staff.)

*END OF SHAMELESS COMMERCIAL PLUG*

Beyond my sinus problems, there' s not a lot in my life to report, so let's expand the focus to the entire world and what's going on, OK?

If you click here, you'll see some letters responding to Tom Cruise's removal from Paramount Pictures. (WARNING - SPOILERS AHEAD)

One of them says the decision was "political" because of Cruise's dislike of Ritalin and anti-depressants. Whether or not the author of said letter has had experience with these medications is not mentioned. Furthermore, the author calls for filmgoers to "think twice" before seeing another Paramount film.

Well, GEE...isn't Viacom owned by Paramount too? Doesn't that mean we shouldn't watch Nick at Nite, Nickelodeon, MTV, VH-1, and TV Land? And doesn't Viacom own Showtime? Therefore, doesn't that mean that we shoudn't watch "Weeds", "The L Word", or any of their boxing matches?

I think that there's a CBS connection to Showtime as well...therefore, that means NO "King of Queens", no "CSI", no "Numb3rs", etc.

Damn...glad I watch Boomerang.

PS: If I am wrong about any of these affiliations, please let me know...I don't want to give incorrect information.

The second one states that Paramount should "pony up" (I assume they mean a monetary settlement).

Huh? I sincerely hope that this letter-writer's opinion was tongue in cheek.

Why? Cruise has been in the business for at least 20 years. If he hasn't saved any money to feed his various mouths, that is HIS problem, not Paramount's. Therefore, Paramount shouldn't really have to pay for all aspects of his stupidity.


The third one I agree with. She states what I've felt since this TomKat bull**** began. Cruise used to be likable (at least to me...), and now he's not. He's done too many stupid things, and thinks that he's never going to fall off the ivory tower.

At best, people may think Cruise was nuts for his various stunts. At worst, people may think that he's covering something up. Let's face it...since this crapola began, I haven't willingly watched a Tom Cruise movie in MONTHS. Not even the ones he made before the whole insanity began.

The fourth one also states that Paramount made a bad decision, and questions the difference between Cruise's antics and the antics of other celebrities.

I can't say I don't agree with that...however, what I thought about all this was that the couch-jumping and everything was nothing more than - well - staged. Sorry. I admit it.

You can't tell me that every celeb coming on "Oprah" has been motivated to jump on the furniture.

You can't tell me that every celeb is willing to pick fights with Matt Lauer on a national television show when the premise of the interview isn't about anti-depressants in the first place.

In other words, since Cruise's split with Nicole Kidman, it seems like he's trying to prove something. He finds a fertile, pretty girl who's several years younger than he, and gets her pregnant even though there was a statement made that they were going to abstain until marriage. The courtship was weird (not to mention short, and very creepy if the accounts of how things started are to be believed) and the public is just as much to blame for paying attention to every stupid little thing they say. Just like I am...hey...wait a minute.

Anyway, the score is Paramount = 1, Tom Cruise = 3.
I guess that's why I'm a humble secretary instead of a studio mogul. Apparently, I don't have the right frame of mind to appreciate a short, annoying little man like Cruise. Oh well...I'll just take my meds and be done with it.

OK...two "egg-suckin' dogs" today - man, I'm makin' up for lost time, eh?

Egg Suckin' Dog #1: Marlon Brown (plus nine un-named friends)

Reason for Egg-Suckin': He stole a very rare Bolivian squirrel monkey named SpongeBob.

To quote the article:

On July 17, police say, Brown and his friends spent the day at Chessington World of Adventures, an open-air zoo and theme park. Around 6:30 p.m., they broke into the monkey cages. Then what happened? The monkeys fought back at this intrusion, and one of them bit Mr. Brown on the head. When investigators examined the cage, they found blood, and the DNA sample of that blood matched Mr. Brown's.

The monkey was found on an estate and was playing with children, but was returned to the zoo.

Outcome: Mr. Brown was charged with theft.

Double plus bonus: SpongeBob is now back in the zoo, but the other monkeys have not accepted him back into the fold. To quote Det. Constable David Burton:

"They've tried to put him back with the group," said Burton, "but they are not happy having him back and made him most unwelcome. They've broken his tail."

Judge's comments:

Way to go, ya dork...you got arrested and made a poor li'l squirrel monkey's life miserable. Suck that egg, Mr. Brown...you've earned it.

Second egg-sucker: the "burger bandit" from Middlefield Ohio

Reason for egg-sucking: He scammed some fast-food places (among them: Wendy's and KFC), claiming the food he ordered was unsatisfactory. To quote the article:

A man who said he was a police officer approached a Wendy's employee in Middlefield, Ohio, and claimed he found a hair in his hamburger. But, police say, there were two problems: One, he wasn't a cop, and two, he'd never even ordered a burger.

In another incident, the article states:

The alleged fast-food fraud then made his way to three other restaurants, including Kentucky Fried Chicken, where he approached an employee and claimed he had purchased an eight-piece dinner that tasted old. The employee gave the man a fresh chicken dinner.

Even thought the man hasn't been caught yet, he's made off with a total of $16.17 worth of food.

Judge's comments:

1. Dumb-ass.

2. Maybe he should hook up with this lady...between the two of them, they'll have a sit-down meal in no time.


And finally, the judge's panel at Rancho Sudiegirl, Inc. have been "Blinded By Science" once again.
Scientific theory and/or discovery: Taller people are smarter. The official research paper can be found here.

To quote the article:

"As early as age three -- before schooling has had a chance to play a role -- and throughout childhood, taller children perform significantly better on cognitive tests," wrote Anne Case and Christina Paxson of Princeton University in a paper published by the National Bureau of Economic Research.

Other studies have pointed to low self-esteem, better health that accompanies greater height, and social discrimination as culprits for lower pay for shorter people.

But researchers Case and Paxson believe the height advantage in the job world is more than just a question of image.

"As adults, taller individuals are more likely to select into higher paying occupations that require more advanced verbal and numerical skills and greater intelligence, for which they earn handsome returns," they wrote.

Judge's comments:

While I understand the general gist of the article (prenatal health care and prenatal nutrition), as a quasi-short person I'm pretty honked off.

Why don't genetics play into it? I mean, let's face it...there are plenty of people in this world who were well-fed and well-tended-to that are just SHORT. That's how it is.

As Randy Newman put it..."Short people are just the same as you and I..."

And if you don't knock it off, we'll bite you on the ankle.

So in spite of my crankiness, I remain your ever-lovin'...

Sudiegirl
(Who's short and proud!)