Moanin' Monday...

Prosecutors won't probe Madonna's act (Probably because their significant others will make them sleep on the couch if they do.)








Bad career choices: naked with a dead pig (Sounds like another Saturday night for my first husband. Apologies for desecrating the memory of the dead pig. Also, what does that say about me besides I am quite fortunate to have come BEFORE the pig?)







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First off, R.I.P to Joe Rosenthal...he's the Pulitzer Prize-winning photographer who took the famous pic of the solders raising the flag on Iwo Jima. Go take a look at the statue when you come here. I guarantee goosebumps - whether you're for or against armed conflict, the raw energy of this photo as well as the statue will get to you.

OK - as far as the weekend, I went to the Jazz Jam again in Gaithersburg, MD. If there are any DC area folks interested in hearing good jazz on a Sunday night, I highly recommend it. Who knows...I might even be there! :0) Other than that, not much excitement at my house so let's travel in search of more fun, shall we?

First of all, I found a big WHOOPS in a Yahoo! news item. You can click here to see for yourselves, or else I can lay it out for ya, folks...

Headline of article: Walesa warns he may renounce Polish award because of Grass

Body of article: same

Picture with article: Sir Paul McCartney and his "lovely" wife, Heather Mills McCartney.

Apparently, the proofreader at Yahoo! news is asleep. I want that job.


Next, from the "Are two heads REALLY better than one?" department...

According to this article, a businessman in India has...well...how do I say this?

OK...*Sudiegirl bites bullet*

Let's just say he's got the Doublemint Twins in his pants, and he's sick of it.

To quote the article:

The 24-year-old man from the northern state of Uttar Pradesh admitted himself to a New Delhi hospital this week with an extremely rare medical condition called penile duplication or diphallus, the Times of India said.

"Two fully functional penes is unheard of even in medical literature. In the more common form of diphallus, one organ is rudimentary," the newspaper quoted a surgeon as saying.

Apparently the surgery is risky because both of the "boys" are fully functional. WOW.

Let's look at the pluses and minuses of this situation, shall we?

PLUSES:

*Women would no longer ask "Is it in yet?" Let's face it, at least one of them would be.

*They would have a place to hang their hat.

*The "boys" could be taped together to make one big one.

MINUSES:

*Twice the morning wood...therefore, the possible targets for urine spray DOUBLE.

*Double the STD chances, double the urinary tract infection chances

*How does one arrange them when getting dressed in the morning?

*Impotence could be contagious.

All I can say is thank GOD this isn't a problem for me. But best of luck to the patient...he's going to need it.


NEXT, From the "Why do we need to know what this freak is eating?" files?

OK...we all know by now that John Mark Karr (or as we call him at Rancho Sudiegirl, "That Freak With the Big Head") has been extradited from Thailand to the US for questioning, etc. I'm cool with that, if for no other reason than I wanna quit hearing about it.

However, this is a part of journalism I have yet to understand.

I'm all about "color" for a story, don't get me wrong. Description is a good thing, and can transform a blah story into one worth reading. However, DO WE REALLY NEED TO KNOW certain things? To quote the article:

Before takeoff, Karr took a glass of champagne from a flight attendant and clinked glasses with Spray, who sipped orange juice.

Karr first dined on pate, salad, fried king prawn, steamed rice, broccoli and chocolate cake. He also had a beer — crushing the empty can with his hands — and then had a glass of French chardonnay.

Karr appeared to order the drinks himself.

He later dined on roast duck with soy sauce and yellow noodles, and for his third meal had pizza, chocolates and a bottle of Evian.

Also during the flight, Karr flipped through movie channels, watched "The Last Samurai," dozed and made several trips to the restroom accompanied by two guards. Each time the door was left slightly ajar.

At one point he changed out of the red shirt and tie, replacing them with a blue polo, but then changed back into the shirt and tie before the landing.

Finally, if the information on his food, movie and clothing choices were not enough...this little gem appears...

Hours before Karr's departure, a doctor at a Bangkok clinic specializing in sex-change surgery said Karr had come in for treatment.

"He was one of my patients," Dr. Thep Vechavisit of the Pratunam Polyclinic said. He refused to provide further details.

OK...I can MAYBE understand the reason for noting the sex-change surgeon visit. Maybe he was trying to be castrated as a last resort. However, he might want to know that when word gets out at his prison facility that he's going to be a resident, there will be plenty of folks that will GLADLY castrate him for free.

But WHY, pray tell, do we need to know what he ate? Why do we need to know that he toasted the Boulder County investigator? Why do we need to know what movie he watched on the flight? WHY WHY WHY? If someone with a journalistic-type background could please explain it to this puzzled li'l redhead, I'd sure appreciate it.

Well, we haven't done this for a while...

The "BONEHEAD DECISION" Award is not necessarily coveted, but awarded to worthy folks or entities nonetheless. And remember, the "Bonehead Decision" award is sponsored by Rancho Sudiegirl, Inc., where our company motto is "Don't get between the fat girl and the buffet!"

Today's "BONEHEAD" is actually awarded to two plucky gals from Germany...

Recipients: Anica G. and Christina S!
Reason: One of 'em pushed the wrong button. (I love that excuse - it's right up there with "I didn't know the gun was loaded, and I accidentally shot him in the back nineteen times!")

To quote the article:

The emails between Anica and colleague Christina S., with descriptions on how the women try but fail to arouse their partners, were first sent by accident to other colleagues in their department at the Labor Office. They were then forwarded to thousands throughout the Labor Office and other government agencies and widely distributed by recipients to people across Germany.

To place the cherry on the wienerschnitzel, Anica said that she and Christina were writing the e-mails on breaks, and therefore, they weren't breaking any rules and was quoted as saying, "Everyone stares at us now and whispers behind our backs."

(I'd like to interject with a hearty "DUH!!!!!")

Judge's comments:

Ya know, right now I have a smirk on my face and am not sure whether to laugh my
a$ off or weep for the future.

Apparently, the concept of their e-mail traveling throughout Germany because they work for a government agency isn't quite sinking in yet. Moreover, it isn't one of those "forward this to seven people and you'll get a million dollar check from Bennigans" type of e-mails. These are e-mails about how to get the boys' "bratwursts" to fit inside the buns. It's a little bit more - if you'll pardon the expression - titillating than the average e-mail. Maybe they need to contact that guy from New Delhi.

Something tells me if they haven't lost their jobs yet, they are a nanosecond away from doing so.

It's been a while since the "Egg-Sucking Dog" award reared its ugly head. But now, we feel it's time to share the love...

The Egg-Suckin' Dog Award!!!

Today's recipient: Donna Greatorex from Naugatuck, Connecticut

Reason for award: She stole a box of mac & cheese, a chicken pot pie and a Popsicle from her neighbor's kitchen. (Total worth: $1.75) To quote the article:

At around 4:16 p.m. Greatorex, 42, allegedly entered her neighbors house through an unlocked sliding glass door and helped herself to $1.75 worth of food from the kitchen.

Interesting twist: Greatorex accused her neighbor of breaking into HER residence as well.

Charges filed: third-degree burglary, which is punishable by one to five years in prison and or up to a $5,000 fine.

She was also charged with sixth-degree criminal attempt at larceny, which is punishable by up to three months in prison and or up to a $500 fine.

Judge's comments:

OK...didn't the main plot point of Les Miserables center around Jean Valjean stealing a loaf of bread and going to jail for it? Maybe this is a low-rent, sensationalist version of it.

Either way, has Greatorex never heard of food pantries (ecumenical services providing food for the hungry)? It's not as easy or fun as going to the neighbor's house and rummaging through their cabinets, but it's a hell of a lot cheaper than paying fines and going to jail.

But by the same token, if the total amount stolen was $1.75, and someone feels they have to STEAL to get something amounting to that little, that's pretty sad. If it were me, and someone stole a chicken pot pie, mac & cheese and a Popsicle, I wouldn't even press charges. I would have preferred that they asked me, but hey...it's $1.75. That's less than a gallon of gas these days.

However, Greatorex lost my sympathy when she started pointing fingers. Not a good PR move my friend...therefore, the Egg-Suckin' Dog's going to YOU today.

Well, folks, that's all I've got to torment you with today, but you know I'll be back b/c I love you bunches and bunches.

Smooches!
Sudiegirl