And now, from the "You MORON!" files and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: Ya know, I’m not one to rejoice in one’s misfortune – Oh, to hell with it. Yes I am. When I read yesterday that “The Cute One” didn’t have “The Ditzy One” sign a pre-nup, the first thought in my head was, “He’s gonna get what’s coming to him as sure as you’re born.” And ya know what? He probably will. He didn’t have anything to worry about with Linda since she was an heiress her own bad self, but not this little supermodel minx. D’oh!









McCartney may lose quarter of fortune in divorce
(He may be living on “Penny Lane” if this keeps up…HA! I KILL ME!)

By Paul Majendie
1 hour, 43 minutes ago

Former Beatle Paul McCartney could lose up to a quarter of his estimated $1.56-billion fortune after separating from his second wife Heather Mills, legal experts said on Thursday. (Ah…not a good thing. So much for her loving him for himself alone.)

That would equate to roughly $1.9 million for every week of their short-lived four-year marriage. (I should have thought of this YEARS ago! Other than the fact that I don’t really think Mr. McCartney and I would be compatible. Why? Because Ringo’s my favorite Beatle.)

McCartney, 63, and former model Mills, 38, announced their separation on Wednesday, blaming media intrusion for the collapse of one of the most high profile show business marriages. (Whatever. They have high-profile professions. It’s not like they’re computer programmers or veterinarians or anything. He’s a musician and she’s – whatever she is. Model? Activist? Pain in the ass? All three? Who knows?)

Lawyers believe the divorce would never be allowed to degenerate into a messy court case but they said McCartney's decision not to seal a pre-nuptial deal could cost him dear in a private settlement. (Two words: “No s**t!”)

The couple, who have a two-year-old daughter, Beatrice, met in 1999 at a charity event, a year after the death from breast cancer of McCartney's first wife Linda Eastman. (This makes me wonder if Paul was so lonesome that he wanted someone THERE. It wouldn’t have mattered if it was Dame Edna Everage at that point – the poor guy was probably very lonesome.)

Lawyer Mark Stephens of Finers, Stephens and Innocent told Reuters: "Heather and the child need to be looked after financially. I think you are looking at 150 million to 200 million pounds ($283-377 million)." (OK…I can understand looking after the child - and it seems like they're treating the child as a barganing chip, btw - but Heather doesn’t need that much money! OK? She didn’t give up anything to be his wife…she didn’t work four jobs to support the guy when he was still playing crummy dives in Liverpool or Hamburg. Moreover, she still got to do whatever she wanted!!! Why, then, does she need this much money now?)

"She is the child of a Beatle and they have to live in a cosseted and protected environment," he said, recalling the killing of John Lennon by a crazed fan and the attempt on the life of George Harrison. (Well, the child has a name, first of all. But you know what? Wifey doesn’t need that much protection, to be brutally honest. In addition, all the Beatles’ offspring are alive. The only one killed was Lennon. Lennon’s children are still alive and kicking, and so are all the rest. Heather is not the child of a Beatle – she is the ex-wife of a Beatle. Until facts prove it to me otherwise, she’s a gold digger.)

Independent legal estimates on how much Heather could get are based on a recent high profile divorce dispute between fund manager Alan Miller and his wife Melissa.

She was awarded five million pounds of his 20 million pound fortune after a childless marriage that lasted less than three years. The House of Lords, Britain's highest court, is to make a final ruling on the case next week. (Oh my…how could that even be fair? I mean, I’ve been divorced a couple of times and the first time I got divorced, my lawyer said I didn’t qualify for alimony because I didn’t give up anything to put my partner through school. If I had, that would be another story, but we started the marriage on equal economic footing so no dice. I really don’t get how people like this Melissa chick and Heather Mills McCartney think they deserve this.)

After their separation was announced, McCartney denied that Heather had ever been attracted to his fortune, estimated by the Sunday Times Rich List at 825 million pounds ($1.56 billion). (Enamoured, maybe…but NEVER ATTRACTED!)

"It's been suggested that she married me for the money," he said. "There is not an ounce of truth in this." (Well, that’s because England uses the metric system, isn’t it?)

In an interview before her marriage, Mills said she had offered to sign a pre-nuptial agreement but McCartney had turned down the offer. (This continues to amaze me. I mean, why on earth would a man who’s seen many of his celebrity counterparts be knocked on their ASSES financially deny an opportunity to protect himself? It shouldn’t mean he doesn’t love her – it should mean he’s trying to take care of his investments. I mean, the man’s worth so much that if something would have happened to him, it would be complete chaos if his estate wasn’t carefully plotted out for all involved. Let’s face it – the man is 63. People can die at any age, but he’s getting to the point where it’s a hell of a lot more likely. Heather should be provided for, but not to the extent that these figures show!)

"The acid test is now," said Stephen Foster, head of the divorce department at Stewarts. "I think it would be a big award. I wouldn't be shocked if it is 100 million pounds." (Well, the Beatles did a lot of acid back in the day, so McCartney should pass, right?)

"He famously didn't sign a pre-nup as he said it was unromantic. If they don't resolve things amicably and it becomes a protracted court case, that could be a very expensive decision," he said. (DUH! I’m sorry. I’m sure that McCartney is smart, but this decision sure wasn’t. Romance and pre-nups don’t have to negate each other. It’s simply a way to take care of previous investments so there are no misunderstandings down the road. I’m sure if George Clooney would ever whisk me away from all this, I’d have to sign a pre-nup. I would do so willingly, and then play Naked Jello Twister with him to celebrate afterwards.)

"If Paul and Heather had any sense -- and I am sure they do --- they would both seek top quality independent advice from lawyers and accountants and settle this round a table. Is it in anyone's interest to be front page news for a year?" (Well, if media broke up their marriage, why not shoot the works and stay in the news?)

Sudiegirl’s final opinion?

See what I mean?

Heather Mills McCartney
is Darth Vader.