And now, from the "Spurned by ABC" files and various news sources

Sudiegirl sez: OK…apparently, the powers that BE at ABC are ignoring ME for a J-O-B. This makes your favorite bipolar redheaded karaeoke diva a bit testy. Well, be that as it may, I’m going to express my opinion on ABC’s (wrong) choice. There are two articles total here…one from the New York Times, and one from Fox News. Two articles plus one cranky broad = CHAOS, I tells ya!




April 29, 2006
Rosie O'Donnell to Join the Cast of 'The View'

By JACQUES STEINBERG

Barbara Walters and Rosie O'Donnell told a live national television audience last night that Ms. O'Donnell would return to daytime television this September as a co-host of "The View" on ABC. (Yeah, and did they even LOOK at my blog to see what I had to offer? NOOOOOOO.)

In joining a cast that includes Ms. Walters, Star Jones Reynolds, Joy Behar and Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Ms. O'Donnell replaces Meredith Vieira, a co-host of "The View" since its inception in 1997, who is leaving to take Katie Couric's place on "Today" on NBC. (Something I still don’t get, but HEY…not my problem.)

After much media speculation in recent days, including reports on the entertainment television show "Extra" and in The New York Post, Ms. Walters and Ms. O'Donnell confirmed her new job during the broadcast of the "Daytime Emmy Awards" on ABC. (Nice…subtle…)

"I'm sorry to interrupt your big award, but I just read something on the Internet I wanted to talk to you about," Ms. O'Donnell said to Ms. Walters at the Kodak Theater in Los Angeles, just after Ms. Walters had presented a lifetime achievement award to Carroll Spinney of "Sesame Street." (At that point, Big Bird should have just picked Rosie up, tossed her over his shoulder, and carried her away to Sesame Street.)

Ms. Walters, an executive producer of "The View," told the audience that she indeed wanted Ms. O'Donnell to join the show, five years after Ms. O'Donnell ended her own talk show. (And of course, it was all ZANY AND SPONTANEOUS!!! Right?...uh…ahem…)

As host of her own talk show for six years, and later as its producer as well, Ms. O'Donnell won a dozen Emmy awards. But her impending arrival alongside the wood table that is a centerpiece of "The View" raises the immediate question of how she will fare as a member of a very vocal, opinionated ensemble. (All I can say is, THANK GOD I WILL NEVER KNOW BECAUSE I DON’T WATCH!!!)

An indication that there could be fireworks between her and at least one cast member — something "View" producers have not necessarily discouraged in the past — was foreshadowed in an interview she did on April 6 on "Good Morning America," before her name began swirling, at least publicly, as a possible replacement for Ms. Vieira. (Nice metaphor...kind of like watching water in the toilet swirl before it goes down the tubes. I'm just sayin'...).

In the interview, which was mainly to promote a documentary she had done for HBO about a cruise for gay parents and their children, Ms. O'Donnell was asked by Diane Sawyer to free associate in response to the names of several celebrities, including Tom Cruise. When given only "Star Jones" as a prompt, Ms. O'Donnell responded, "An interesting woman on many levels," before looking directly at the camera, raising an eyebrow and laughing. (Subtlety, thy name is Rosie.)

"I don't wish her any ill will," Ms. O'Donnell said, before adding: "I think it's very hard for everyone to participate in the illusion she presents as her truth." (That’s funny…I might very well say the same about you…at least your nonexistent singing talent and aspirations to Broadway divahood.)

"You mean about the weight loss?" Ms. Sawyer interjected, an apparent reference to the radical change of late in Ms. Jones Reynolds's appearance, as well as, perhaps, her recent medical treatment for complications following a plastic surgery procedure. (You mean the one to surgically attach Al Reynolds to Star's hip?)

"Well," Ms. O'Donnell responded, "whatever."

Since her talk show went off the air, Ms. O'Donnell, 44, has mostly, though not entirely, retreated from the limelight to raise a family. Openly gay (only after she left her talk show, mind you…let’s not forget that!), she and her partner, Kelli Carpenter, have four children, the oldest of them 10. In addition to being seen this month on HBO, she has had guest roles on television in recent years on the shows "Will & Grace," "Judging Amy" and "Queer as Folk," as well as a lead role last year in a Hallmark Hall of Fame television movie, "Riding the Bus With My Sister." (Yep, missed that one too. I think I was ovulating that day, or something.)

Before an improbable run opposite Harvey Fierstein on Broadway as Golde, the mother in "Fiddler on the Roof," (what a choice of words – “improbable”? How about “highly UNRECOMMENDED?”) she also appeared in "Grease" (and I’ll never live it down. I even wrote to her once about having an “all-Rizzo” show and inviting anyone who ever played Rizzo on the set…no response. What a snob. And making fun of Donny Osmond on her show was highly uncalled for!) and, briefly, "Seussical: The Musical," and served as host of the Tony Awards.

And she started a Web log, recently relocated to http://www.rosie.com/, in which she often uses verse to discuss topics from her family to celebrities to her criticisms of the Bush presidency, which by itself could be seen as a preview of what she might say on "The View." (SEE? I have a blog…I express criticisms of Bush, I rhyme occasionally, and I talk non-stop about my family! What the hell?)

Ms. O'Donnell has suffered several public, professional losses in recent years, which could, conceivably, also serve as "View" fodder. She was a producer of the Broadway flop "Taboo," in which she had invested an estimated $10 million, nearly all of it lost. (So? She wasn’t married to a guy who worshiped a Norwegian cat goddess named Freja!) She was also sued, unsuccessfully, for $100 million, by the publishing company Gruner & Jahr USA for walking away from Rosie, a magazine to which she lent her name and editing talents. (What talents were those, besides hugging celebrities? Oh, and picking on Donny Osmond?)

In joining "The View," Ms. O'Donnell will become the first new cast member since Ms. Hasselbeck, a former contestant on the reality show "Survivor," arrived in 2003.

Well, my little peach tarts…you think that being a co-host of “The View” will be all beer and skittles for Ms. O’Donnell? I think not. The “Samson and Delilah principles are rearing their ugly head in this next story…

Rosie’s Contract: She Can’t Cut Her Hair
Saturday , April 29, 2006
By Roger Friedman
Rosie O’Donnell’s new mega contract with ABC has one absolute proviso: the former talk show queen cannot cut her hair. (Wow…what a mega-shame. She’ll have to get some mega-conditioner and mega-shampoo to conquer those mega split ends. What a mega-bummer.)

You may recall there was an uproar toward the end of Rosie’s run as a syndicated talk show host because she chopped off her locks to emulate Culture Club songstress Helen Terry. (Isn’t it better to emulate someone that sings by being able to SING YOURSELF? I’ve found that to be the case.)

O’Donnell’s enemies at Gruner + Jahr Publishing even used the wedge hair cut against her when they sued her for a million bucks after shutting down the “Rosie” magazine. (Interesting legal strategy. Is that the same as the “Twinkie Defense”?) They lost that battle. (Perhaps that’s why, huh?) But ABC apparently wants Rosie to look as glamorous as possible when she sits down on “The View” among Joy Behar, Star Jones, and Debbie Hasselbeck. (Yeah, I’d have to say it’s definitely a man-made decision, LITERALLY.)

And what about that table? O’Donnell tells me she will more than likely not sit at the far left, taking Meredith Vieira’s old chair. When “The View” returns in September from August reruns, the stage will likely be redesigned so Rosie is sitting in the middle. (Oh, god. Let the egos run rampant. Something tells me it will be worse than a stampede of wildebeests.)

“And there’ll be a curtain on that table,” O’Donnell quipped. (How about a guillotine? Or a gallows? Iron lung, anyone? Come on, I’ve got a million of ‘em.)

You may wonder when and how this arrangement with "The View" came about. I was not surprised to be told that it all occurred on the night that HBO screened Rosie and her partner Kelli’s documentary about their gay family cruise line about a month ago. I distinctly recall Barbara Walters coming out of the screening room, wiping tears from her eyes. It was quite obvious as the mother of an adopted daughter, she was incredibly moved. (I’m not going to comment snidely, although I really want to.)

Apparently, on the spot Walters asked O’Donnell if she’d be interested in taking Vieira’s job should the latter bolt for the Today Show. Rosie didn’t believe it, and responded, “Sure. Call me.” (I’ve said that to many people before, and they never do it. What does Rosie have that I don’t have, besides lots of disposable income?)

And that’s what Walters did the minute she knew for certain that Vieira was leaving "The View." It was a smart choice, because O’Donnell’s empathy and sincerity radiate from the television set. (But did I get a call, even after my impassioned plea on this blog? NOOOOOO.) At the same time, she doesn’t suffer fools gladly. (Neither do I! I hate lots of people. Come on, ABC!)

If nothing else, “The View” will become appointment television, edgy and worth watching—particularly if O’Donnell and Hasselbeck, who has identified herself as right wing—tangle on issues involving gay parenting, adoption, abortion, etc. (OK…I try really hard to not discuss things like this with my friends if I know their views oppose mine. As much as I can seem like a bad-a$$, I’m really not in the mood to argue. If someone I don’t like already opposes me, however…it could be ugly. I’ll work very hard at not saying anything ignorant.)

Joining “The View,” O’Donnell says, will also be ideal for two other reasons: she can leave the city by 12:30 pm and be home with her kids when they return from school. And she’s not carrying an entire show on her back. She has co-hosts who will help with the burden of a five times a week live broadcast. (Well, isn’t that nice. I’m sure her other hosts are most happy that she gets off at noon and leave them to clean up. Uh-huh.)

“She wants to play with friends,” says a source. And now she’ll get to do that. (Gee…how nice that she has the money to only work part time and go to “play dates” and “Gymboree” and whatever the hell else modern mothers have their children do. I got dumped at my grandma’s by the school bus. Oh well, at least it was public transportation.)

Sudiegirl’s final opinion?

First of all, I hate smarmy mothers. I don’t care if they like to have sex in a large puddle of chocolate sauce with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, smarminess is smarminess, and I hate it. Rosie is one of those smarmy mothers. Memo to Rosie and others like her (whether gay, straight, dodecasexual or whatever): YOU DID NOT INVENT MOTHERHOOD. YOU’RE ONLY PERFORMING A VARIATION ON A THEME. GET OVER YOURSELVES. THERE HAVE BEEN MANY MOTHERS BEFORE YOU…MANY OF YOU PROBABLY HAD ONE OR MORE THAN ONE. THERE WILL BE MANY MORE. PLAYDATES ARE JUST ANOTHER NAME FOR “MOMMY NEEDS TO CLEAN THE LIVINGROOM; WILL YOU PLEASE TAKE MY LITTLE BRAT FOR A FEW HOURS?” YOU AREN’T SPECIAL.

Second, the ABC snubbing of your favorite bipolar redheaded karaeoke diva is very frustrating. I realize I’m not a mommy, I’m not married to some effete banker, I haven’t had a dramatic weight loss of any sort and I’m OK with not having/being/doing any of these things. I think ABC is really missing a key ratings group here – the “angry loners/half-awake people that work third shift and aren’t asleep yet” group.

Finally, I am totally annoyed that a network can be so gauche as to create a term of the contract regarding her HAIR. Yes, I hated that haircut she had. We all did. I think that’s the only thing (besides her voice) that I truly hated. It had that “I escaped from my final lobotomy and all I got was this lousy t-shirt” look about it. But to demand in her contract that she’s not allowed to cut her hair? Maybe it’s best that I’m not working on “The View”.

Don’t worry, though…your favorite bipolar redheaded karaeoke diva will “make her pile” yet, right along with Hoss. Keep watchin’!

Sudiegirl the Spurned