Spring's Idiocy, and a couple other notes...

Impotence a Problem for Young Men, Too
(Don't I KNOW IT! Usually, it's after they turn the lights on in the bar.)




Administration Has No Magic Gas Price Fix
(They checked the Magic 8-Ball, and avoided all cracks in the sidewalks both to and from the office, though!)







Scientists Vote to Track Down Jaguar
(What's there to vote about? Call the DMV! That's what they do on "Law and Order")







Calif. Frog at Center of Protection Debate
(Sources state that the frog in question wore a top hat and sang "Hello My Baby" until the proper authorities showed up. Then he flopped to the ground and only let out soft "ribbits".)






Bolten Says White House to Regain "Mojo"
(I didn't realize that "mojo" was an essential part of good government. Good in the bedroom or at the voodoo convention, but not in the White House. The Republican Party never ceases to amaze me.)




Doctors Asked to Monitor Patient Activity
(Uh...isn't that their JOB??? Jeez...and here, I thought that's what my insurance was paying for.)








Smuggled Pets Worry Bird Flu Watchdogs
(Meanwhile, the cats don't give a s**t.)













‘RV' Passes 'United 93' to Win Box Office
(This proves the theory that when given a choice of a powerful drama versus Robin Williams acting more manic than a cheerleader on a Red Bull bender, the powerful drama is left in the dust of a cheap camping ground.)













Scientists Study Hundreds of Dead Dolphins
(Preliminary studies - consisting of rednecks in ill-fitting swim trunks poking dolphins with sticks and hollering, "Yep, this'n's dead too" - saved the scientists lots of time and effort.)






HAPPY MONDAY!!!!!!
Yeah, yeah, I’m totally faking the cheerfulness. So SUE me. (Har har…nice play on the name.)

I have a confession to make, though…I have yet another celebrity crush.

On whom, you might ask? (Go ahead, ask, dammit…)

Martin Short.

OK, quit laughing.

I know…he’s not your typical Hollywood hunk. He’s slim, and (as his name implies) not tall. But he can SING. And DANCE. He’s funny. He’s got a cute smile and pretty eyes. SIGH. (D, if you’re reading this, don’t worry about it...Mr. Short is already married and I have the proverbial snowball’s chance in hell. We’re good.)

Well, speaking of unlikely (yet current) casting, I saw on the ‘Net the following listing:

The 2006-2007 Best of Broadway Theatre Series - presented at the company's San Francisco homes, the Orpheum, Curran and Golden Gate Theatres - will also feature Kathleen Turner and Bill Irwin in the Edward Albee classic Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf...

Now…I get the Kathleen Turner casting. She’s got that VOICE, plus the general look about her (beauty marred by hard living). She’s a good, if under-rated, actress. I’m cool with the choice, really I am.

But Bill Irwin? I admit, I haven’t seen this new production, and reviews state he played the role of George quite well. But every time I look at him, I see this….

And this…

So please forgive me if it takes a few minutes to accept Mr. Irwin as the male actor following Dickie Burton in this pivotal role. And also, remind me not to yell during the production, “Hey! Do the ‘going down stairs’ trick!”

Finally, a charming AP report (in its entirety) from my home state – specifically, the city of Mount Pleasant, Iowa. Apparently, a “mad puker” is on the loose, leaving his bounty in various ditches and other places. Here’s what the article states:

MOUNT PLEASANT, Iowa (AP) - Sheriff's deputies in Henry County are stuck in the middle of a less-than-appetizing investigation.

Investigators are trying to find the person who has dumped bags of what appears to be human vomit in ditches in a 1 1/2-mile area northeast of the city.

Deputy Dan Wesley said as many as 50 garbage and trash bags containing regurgitated food has been dumped over the past three years. The gross deposits have authorities baffled.

"We have done everything short of surveillance out there 24/7," Wesley said. "We have no ideas right now, no leads or anything about where to look."

Bags, ranging in size from small white trash bags to large black lawn bags, have been found with only a couple of inches of the substance in them, Wesley said.

"It's pretty weird," he said. "We haven't worked anything like this before."

A sample was taken from one of the bags and sent to a private lab for analysis. "We haven't found any DNA or anything yet," Wesley said.

And there no suspects in the case. "We were just hoping," Wesley said, "whoever is doing it will stop."

Now, regarding that last statement - isn’t that polite? That’s just so cute. It’s kind of like coming up behind an axe murderer, tapping him on the shoulder and saying, “Excuse me, Murray? I know you’re busy right now, but when you’re done with my axe, could you wipe it off and bring it on back to the house? I’d sure appreciate it.”

So, off I go in search of more foolishness. See ya later!

Sudiegirl
(Who, by the way, was not involved in the above incident in any way, shape or form.)