Musings of a chick: And now, from the "I TOLD YA SO!" files and Yahoo! News

Sudiegirl sez: I feel vindicated by this article, but I also know that opinions at Cannes are not necessarily shared by the modern moviegoer that experiences cinema at their local megaplex. Ed has taught me how to watch a film critically, but he has also taught me how to be a little more discerning. You all know my feelings about Mr. Hanks being cast in this film, and something tells me that the folks at Cannes feel the same way. So as they say on the set, “Roll ‘em!”

'Da Vinci Code' Misses the Mark for Critics
By David Germain, AP Movie Writer
29 minutes ago

"The Da Vinci Code" drew lukewarm praise, shrugs of indifference, some jeering laughter and a few derisive jabs Tuesday from arguably the world's toughest movie crowd: critics at the Cannes Film Festival. (Ah, nothing like a theater full of influential producers, directors, critics and actors uniting as one and agreeing with me to boost one’s spirits. Ah – I smell the vindication in the air. Smells like…victory.)

The year's most anticipated movie, "The Da Vinci Code" was a generally faithful adaptation of Dan Brown's monster best seller, spinning a murder thriller that stems from a cover-up of secrets about Christianity's roots. (Please note that I really liked the book. It was very fast-paced but I could keep up with it.)

While readers worldwide devoured the novel, reaction from Cannes critics ranged from mild endorsement of its potboiler suspense to groans of ridicule over its heavy melodrama. (What is a mild endorsement? Something like, “Well, ya know, if I didn’t have anything ELSE to do on a Saturday night and my mother-in-law was coming to visit and I needed an excuse to get out of the house, I might go.” I understand the whole “groans of ridicule” concept, however. OH BOY am I acquainted with that.)

"It's a movie about whether the greatest story ever told is true or not, and it's not the greatest movie ever screened, is it?" said Baz Bamigboye, a film columnist for London's Daily Mail. "As a thriller, well," he continued, shrugging. (That’s the nicest “dis” I’ve ever read. God Bless the London Daily Mail.)

"Maybe the next day I'll forget about it," said Igor Soukmanov of Unistar Radio in Belarus. "But today for two hours it was good entertainment. ... As a Hollywood movie, it's a very nice picture." (Uh – yeah. That’s an interesting way of putting it. Is Mr. Soukmanov hoping he’ll forget about the film? I’m not really sure. Maybe he’s waiting for the aura to wear off so he doesn’t get embarrassed or something.)

Critics got their first look at "The Da Vinci Code" a day before its world premiere at Cannes on Wednesday, when it also debuts at theaters in France and some other countries. The film opens worldwide over the following two days, including the United States on Friday. (I’ll be skipping it, thank you!)

Directed by Ron Howard, the movie stars Tom Hanks and Audrey Tautou as strangers hurled together on a frantic quest for the Holy Grail after a series of murders is committed. (You all know how I feel about the casting…enough said.)

The filmmakers add some twists and variations here and there, but the general thrust of the novel remains intact, including its theory that Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene were married and had a child, which has prompted denouncements from many Christians. (OK…I’m going out on a limb here. This is FICTION, right? It’s not a biography. The author didn’t claim to go to high school with Jesus, nor did he take Mary Magdalene to the prom or violate her in the back seat of a Buick. I am a Christian, I read the book, and I was not moved to burn down the author’s house in the name of my Heavenly Father. As I’ve said before and will again, Christianity is about a lot more than a work of fiction. It’s about treating people the way God/Jesus taught us to treat them, and something tells me there’s a heck of a lot more in this world to worry about than one stupid book.)

The Cannes audience clearly grew restless as the movie dragged on to two and a half hours and spun a long sequence of anticlimactic revelations. (I would love to go to Cannes sometime just to watch the audience watch something. This probably would have been lots of stretching and yawns and looking at watches. Just like any other movie theater, but with a lot more Gucci, Armani and other designer stuff.)

"I kept thinking of the Energizer Bunny, because it kept going and going and going, and not in a good way," said James Rocchi, a film critic for CBS 5 television in San Francisco and the online outlet Cinematical. "Ron Howard makes handsome films. He doesn't make bad ones, but he doesn't make great ones." (So apparently “un film de Opie” didn’t make the grade.)

One especially melodramatic line uttered by Hanks drew prolonged laughter and some catcalls, and the audience continued to titter for much of the film's remainder. (Dignity – a concept not lost on this sophisticated film audience. Sarcasm, anyone? Oh yes, please – I’ll take seconds.)

Some people walked out during the movie's closing minutes, though there were fewer departures than many Cannes movies provoke among harsh critics. (Maybe because their butts fell asleep?) When the credits rolled, there were a few whistles and hisses, and there was none of the scattered applause even bad movies sometimes receive at Cannes. (Well, Hmmm…I’m not sure what that means. Other than it sucked!)

Critics singled out co-star Ian McKellen, playing a wry Grail enthusiast who joins the search, as the movie's highlight, injecting hearty humor and delivering the most nuanced performance. (As well it should be!) Paul Bettany added a seething mix of tragic pathos and destructive zealousness as a monk assassin who carries out the slayings. (Uh…I suppose a murderous monk is possible. But I guess it really knocks out all those peaceful images of monks chanting and strolling around the monastery.)

Bamigboye said all the actors were solid (Hanks is looking more solid than ever – scary stuff), but enthusiastically added, "I've got to tell you, Ian McKellen steals it. He slices all the crap away." (Well, at least something about it was good.)

I’ve gotta tell ya, I thought I would just create my own little “tribute” (or mockery, whichever you prefer) to Mr. Hanks.

Ya see, I USED to like him as an actor. Now, I can’t get over the fact that he is so totally overexposed. At least he hasn’t been nominated for any Oscars the past few years – life can be fair sometimes. But I think the time is right to put together a tribute based on some pics I found throughout the internet. If you right click on the picture, I believe it does give the credit for the source. If not, let me know. And here we go!

Forgive me for saying this, but it seems to me like Jean Reno would be the right guy to push Mr. Hanks off the platform and not have ONE SINGLE REGRET! I knew I liked him for some reason!