Happy Administrative Professionals Day, and the aftermath of Coca Cola Blak

Thought for the day:

You can’t rollerskate in a buffalo herd,
You can’t rollerskate in a buffalo herd,
You can’t rollerskate in a buffalo herd,
But you can be happy if you have a mind to.

(Thank you, Roger Miller – I am making this my life’s credo.)


Well, wow! It’s Wednesday, AND Administrative Professionals Day (of which I are one). So I show up for work, and there’s a pretty bouquet and card on my desk…it’s nice to know I’m appreciated. The people I work with here are great at letting me know I’m appreciated anyway, but this is extra-nice. I even put on lipstick for the occasion…how cool is that?

I have created a monster, I fear. Ed H. (author of his own blog, guest blogger at Rancho Sudiegirl/Musings of a chick, and fellow arts/chocolate chip cookie enthusiast) has accused me of stealing one of his “bits”. He also e-mails me about my blogs as opposed to leaving comments like other people. AAAAGGGGHHH! What kind of way is that to treat your mentor? Oh well…that’s life, I guess. But PLEASE read his blog…if you look at my Blogrolling list on the right, his blog is listed as “Pools of Sorrow, Waves of Joy by Edward H”. If you like insightful film reviews, rhapsodizing about chocolate chip cookies, and other really good essays, he’s da man.

Hmmm…what else can I say today?

Oh…a reminder…I updated my post regarding Coca-Cola Blak. You can read it by clicking here. However, I fear my review was incomplete. Here is a revised one that you can compare to the other, and you make the call!

Coca-Cola Blāk. What on earth can I say about a beverage that wasn’t necessary in the grand spectrum of taste treats? Nothing good, I can assure you. I purchased an 8 oz. bottle of this “Carbonated Fusion Beverage” (could I HAVE more euphemisms please? I’m low on my daily requirements…) for $1.79 plus tax and deposit at my neighborhood CVS pharmacy. I had promised our webmaster that I would do this when it came out to see if it deserved all the hype. Never let it be said that I missed out on an opportunity to be a blind, lemming-like consumer. Just tattoo “sucker” in screaming pink neon across my forehead, give me legal tender of a sort, and I’m ready to go.

So I bring my bounty to the office, paid for with my hard-earned money, and I bring it into the webmaster’s cubicle. Since he was tentative (read: chicken), I leapt into the breach and had the first drink.

By the way, please be warned that I paid $1.79 plus tax and deposit for an 8-oz. glass bottle of this “carbonated fusion beverage”. It has 45 calories, and it’s an accurate depiction because the glass bottle is one serving only. Now…I know coffee is expensive at places like Starbucks, Caribou Coffee, and other coffee emporiums of that nature. But if I were inclined to get coffee (which I’m NOT), it’d be from my own coffee pot, 7-1, the deli in my building, or McDonalds. I’m sure that coffee is well under $1.79 for an 8 oz. cup. (At the deli, it’s $1.05…)

The first point I’m trying to make is…you’re paying 70 cents extra for the coke logo, the tiny bottle and the chance to be the first kid in your neighborhood to partake of this “carbonated fusion beverage”. Ooh…prestige. It’s brought down many a man and woman in its elusive pursuit.

OK, enough chatter about the cost and the packaging. I know what you wanna know…HOW does it TASTE?

Well, let me dissect it for you.

First of all, the description on the bottle LIES. It FIBS. It TELLS UNTRUTHS. It’s a dirty scumbag lyin’…OK, you get the idea. How did I come to this conclusion? Because I majored in English, and I know my way around a few words.

When something says “carbonated” and “fusion”, that implies action or explosion. Nothing like that exists in this beverage. It’s fairly flat. You see, that’s part of the reason I prefer soda in the AM as opposed to coffee – the FIZZ. I guess it’s like the aroma to a coffee drinker, because once I take that first slug and feel the carbonation, I am much easier to deal with. If someone is going to try and sell ME something that is a “Carbonated Fusion Beverage”, by Christ, it’d better CARBONATE! This just kind of sits there, saying, “You’re so stupid.”

Second, the whole selling point about this lovely beverage is that it’s supposed to give you the “coffee experience”, yet be a soft drink at the same time. OOH – synergy. I’d like to quote a portion of a poem written by Berke Breathed for his “Bloom County” comic strip back in the ‘80s. It goes like this:


Yes, life is fine when things combine,
Like ham in beef chow mein.
But Lord, I think this time I mind;
They’ve put acid in my rain.

Just because you combine two things doesn’t mean that the end result will be pleasing. It’s the same way with this. You’ve got Diet Coke (for lack of a better description) sweetened with aspartame. You’ve got coffee extract and high fructose corn syrup. Combine with water, phosphoric acid, caffeine, and some funky preservatives, and you’ve got that “magical combination” of Coca Cola Blāk.

The problem is, it tastes like someone was experimenting in their kitchen after a 2 AM tequila bender…”Hey man! If I mix cold coffee and Diet Coke together, what will I get?” You get flat Diet Coke that tastes like cold, stale coffee too. What a combination.

The only cool thing about it? The packaging. The bottle I purchased was an actual GLASS 8-oz. Coke shaped bottle. Not something easily found in this day and age, I’ll tell ya.

Getting back to the “taste test”…once I took the first swig, I told the webmaster it was his turn. He protested, but thanks to my persistence and empty threats, he finally allowed me to pour some in his cup. His taste buds were not quite as offended as mine, but neither one of us was impressed. Then, we both turned on the IT security guy, and had him taste it. He was just as unimpressed. After that, we couldn’t find any more victims so I poured the rest down the sink. I think it cleared the pipes.

In short, DON’T waste your money. You’re better off buying the bottled Starbucks frappucino stuff.

And that’s all I have to say about that!

Well, I have devoted entirely too much time to this review, but I have one more thing to say…my beloved Pepsico is following suit with a product called Pepsi Max Cappucino (photo is from a British website regarding junk food).

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Is there no justice in this world?

An indignant consumer,
Sudiegirl