Brief weather report, and asking permission to swap spit...just another day.

The weather has been gorgeous here in the DC area lately. If you ever plan to visit the area, I would advise doing so this time of year, or after Labor Day when the weather is a bit more agreeable. The summer around here is a sweatbox. BLEAH.

*end of Sudiegirl’s weather report and travel recommendations*

Life continues to roll on…last night, I talked to my favorite 8th grader in the whole world, Ms. Courtney K. I found out she was selected for Color Guard (the flag twirlers in the Marching Band), but I found out something else.

They had an interesting assembly led by a man who (per his website) says he’s a healthy dating and sexual assault expert. (Let me get the smart ass comment out of the way...I'm glad he's enjoying good health these days and taking his vitamins. All right, I'm done. But seriously...I’m not sure I would have phrased my expertise in that way, but I’m not in the business he’s in so I’ll shut up now.)

Anyway, the students at Courtie’s junior high and high school had a special assembly featuring this speaker (Mike Domitrz). His method of healthy dating is presented to schools around the country, and he’s been on “Oprah”. I didn’t mention to Courtie that James Frey has also been on Oprah, and he was later found to be – well – less than reliable. But again, I digress.

The whole philosophy with his teachings? Four words…”Can I Kiss You?”

Please note that I think this is a great idea. I really do. I think it’s important for men to learn respect from women as early as they can (elementary school if possible). I have heard many horror stories about date rapes, and I’ve had my share of unwanted fanny pats and bustline stares.

But the concept of a guy asking me if he can kiss me…that’s not something I’m used to, and I’m just trying to figure out if I’ll ever get used to it. In my entire kissing history, I have only been asked for kissing permission from two men. One of them was D, and the other one was a guy I went on a blind personals-type date with.

Beyond that, any other kissing incidents just – kind of – HAPPENED. Either I was moved to do it, he was moved to do it or it was a mutual moving. It never occurred to me to require permission.

It really got me thinking about my past relationships too. I was always so anxious about boys liking me, yet I never dressed like a “sexpot”. (When your budget and clothing choices are stringently controlled by your mom, that tends to limit one’s clothing choices.) I was kind of a “stealth” boy-crazy girl – I always dressed preppy (polo shirts, jeans, sweaters/sweatshirts, horn-rim glasses) but I really wanted boys to discover what was hidden underneath. However, I was conflicted about giving it up and actually waited until marriage to give it up completely. (BTW, looking back, I don’t think I was stable or mature enough to handle a relationship if relations went to the point of intercourse. I’d like to think I would be, but I probably wasn’t.)

I was fortunate in my youth that nothing like “date rape” happened to me. Some of my contemporaries weren’t so lucky. One thing that was weird…I usually was the “first girlfriend” (or 2nd girlfriend) a guy ever had. I’m not aware of anyone else having that distinction but me. It’s my “badge of honor” (?).

You know what, though? Once I actually had sex (when I married Husband #1), and had my heart broken by the first man who really (physically and emotionally) opened me up (someone else altogether, but that's another story), I became kind of jaded. I still liked the act, don’t get me wrong, but I noticed cynicism in myself.

I finally know that sex isn’t the be-all and end-all, even though it’s important in a good relationship. I realized I was just (yes) DESPERATE to have someone to validate myself.

(God, I sound so together…it makes me ill.)

Another thing regarding this “Can I Kiss You?” concept is this: I wonder how long it will take before that becomes a pick-up line or some kind of “pose” in order for a guy to get women. You know, like “Oh, no…we ran out of gas”, “Let’s go watch the submarine races”, “Come over to my house and see my etchings”. (My personal favorite in college was “Let’s get a pizza and f**k.” When a girl said no, the guy usually said, “What’s wrong? Don’t you like pizza?” Classic stuff…right up there with “Pull my finger.”)

Let’s face it…there are some people who have “lines” they use. Usually they have more than one person on the string, not to mention the folks they have yet to snare in their traps. Furthermore, everyone has at least one person (male or female) in their dating history who has caught them with this trap. Sad but true. Sometimes these “players” are relatively harmless, but others will stop at nothing to get what they want. Maybe this course will also halt the spread of “playahood” throughout the country.

In short, I’m really glad that my nieces and nephew had this assembly at school yesterday. I know Courtie got a lot out of it, and I hope Cam and Chloe do to. If it can start with one person, maybe it’ll spread to others.

Sudiegirl