And now, from the "Sorry - I'm not pregnant - what are you doing with those handcuffs, officer?" Files, and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: Oh boy…why would anyone want to fake something like this? Even for cash and prizes, I would not do this voluntarily. Let me just say…if I pulled this stunt, all those who really know me and my lack of desire for motherhood would be going “Something’s rotten in Denmark, y’all.” Let’s see what kind of mincemeat I can make out of this…

Woman Behind Sextuplet Hoax: I Need Help
(No kiddin’.)

Prosecutors Consider Filing Charges In Case
POSTED: 7:08 pm CDT April 13, 2006
UPDATED: 10:28 pm CDT April 13, 2006

GRAIN VALLEY, Mo. -- A woman accused of lying about having six babies admitted Thursday that this isn't the first time she's told a lie such as this, KMBC's Lara Moritz reported. (Gee, that’s nice. So much for that idea of Midwesterners being on the up-and-up. I’ll bet you all are kicking yourselves for believing that stereotype.)

Sarah and Kris Everson, of Grain Valley, made national news headlines this week when the couple admitted lying about having sextuplets in order to receive money and gifts to pay their bills. (Great. When there are so many other lies in the universe that would fade into the woodwork with the passing of time, they pick the one that requires results at the end – six of them, to be precise. Do they sniff glue or what?)

The couple spent several hours at the Grain Valley Police Department Thursday while investigators determine whether to file charges in the case. (OK…why is there a decision to be made here? Book ‘em, Dano! This lady couldn’t be truthful with her friends and co-workers and took hundreds of dollars from them based on a falsehood as opposed to just coming to them and saying, “We’re hitting some hard times here. Do you all have advice or can you help us in any way?” Nope…she just has to do something as hare-brained as this. Charming.)

Sarah Everson admitted she lied to her husband about being pregnant. (Now I KNOW she’s crazy…but maybe she smartened up when she realized at some point she’d have to make good on this claim. Humans do not share the same gestation period as elephants.) However, her husband said he would stand by her. (Well, that means he really loves her or he’s been sniffing glue and spray paint. See photo at right and see if you don't agree as to the assessment I gave.)

"I'm standing beside her no matter what. I mean, jail time, whatever -- whatever it takes, I'm with her all the way," Kris Everson said. (That is honorable, and maybe she’ll benefit from that. However, she’s kind of SOL as far as the rest of her friends are concerned. She’d better move somewhere else…like Siberia. They’re probably the only place on earth that hasn’t heard about this stunt.)

Moritz reported that Kris Everson had driven his wife to work so she could drop off a letter about the babies -- including what their personalities were like -- but he didn't know his wife had lied about being pregnant. (As Bugs Bunny would say, “Isn’t he a trusting soul?” And I think that newborn babies, to a degree, don’t really have personalities that come through, do they? Maybe I’m just being too cynical.)

"Kris sat in the truck when I went inside. Like I said, he had nothing to do with this," Sarah Everson said. (What, the pregnancy? OH…you mean the fact that you lied about it! Ah…it’s all clear to me now.)

"Apparently, Kris Everson was convinced she was pregnant up until a month ago, and how this was pulled off was she basically gained weight by eating a lot of food," Grain Valley Police Chief Aaron Ambrose said. (As an aside, if you get a chance, rent the movie “Saved!” with Mandy Moore and Jena Malone. The main character (Jena Malone) gets preggers and nobody knows until her school locker gets searched and the ultrasound pics fall out of their folder. THEN, when her mother is approached about it, she says she thought her daughter was doing a lot of stress eating and didn’t want to give her a complex about it. Apparently, Mr. Everson was feeling the same way in reverse?)

Sarah Everson said her husband found out the babies were a hoax after she told everybody she had given birth to them. (Well, gee…here are the newest members of MENSA!!! Don’t make them fill out the application; that’s too taxing. Just usher them in with OPEN ARMS!!!) The couple had said the babies were born March 8. (Well, at least if I were going to give birth to sextuplets, I’d rather have imaginary ones. That way, there’s only imaginary pain. However, I would want real Demerol, and I don’t think they give that for imaginary pain unless you also have a doctor with imagination and no morals.)

"I told him around the same time that we announced to everybody that we had them," she said. (Ah…I bet the shoulders in that house were very cold for a while.)

Sarah Everson refused to say how she kept her husband from finding out she wasn't really pregnant, until she finally told him. (Now SEE? That’s no fun at all! All of us wanna know what was going on in that tiny mind of yours, Ms. Everson, and you won’t tell us. You owe us that much, you know?)

"I don't have an answer for that," she said. "I've been asked that question so many times that it's not even funny." (Well, neither is pretending you’re pregnant and you did that up right.)

'I Don't Want To Be Like This'
Sarah Everson said she needs psychological help. (I think that’s a given.)

"I want to get into some kind of counseling to help figure out why this keeps happening," she said. "I am seeking counseling. I haven't found one yet, but I am seeking one to go forward and figure out my mindset. I don't want to be like this." (OK…she’s lied about pregnancy before? Why on earth would someone LIE about BEING pregnant? I understand lying about NOT being pregnant. But lying about a physical situation that has an end result makes no sense to me, unless you lie about it and then when people ask you why things didn’t happen, say you miscarried…I’ve told lies in my time; we all have. But NOT ABOUT BEING PREGNANT!!!)

KMBC reported that the couple held hands while Sarah Everson told reporters about her lies. (All I can say is if it were D and I in this situation, he wouldn’t be holding my hand. More like my neck with both hands, and my little eyes would be bugging out.)

"Nobody is perfect in this world; everybody has their faults," Kris Everson said. (Yeah, but sometimes you gotta look at things a little closer. It’s one thing if one of your faults is picking your nose in public. It’s another thing to LIE ABOUT BEING PREGNANT and PERPETUATE THE LIE INDEFINITELY!)

Kris Everson, who worked on the assembly line at the Haldex plant in Grain Valley, no longer has a job there, the company said. (Why am I not surprised?) KMBC reported that he was fired Thursday. (From a cannon, if they could have gotten away with it.)

A police report showed that the company threw a fundraiser for the Everson children, collecting more than $800. The report also said Kris Everson's boss donated an additional $1,500. (With that information coming to light, it’s a wonder Mr. Everson got off that easily. He could have gotten chopped to pieces if the boss had a mind to. How would you react if someone that you basically gave $1500 to for his impending children came to you and said, “Whoops…I’m really sorry but my wife lied about the whole thing. Can I have two weeks off?” No…no no no. You would wanna rip off his head and throw it out the window, but firing is all you’re allowed by law to do.)

Kris Everson had been telling co-workers since December that his wife was pregnant with multiple babies, Haldex human resources manager Cathi Christina said. (Oh man…)

"He came to us, told us he and his wife were going to have quintuplets," Christina said. "Then, miraculously, they had six in March -- or reported that, anyway. A lot of people rallied around. They gathered $800 or $900 that we gave them." (That is wonderful when co-workers rally around one of their own like that. I know from experience that you can really see a different side to people when a major life event happens like that.)

Now, Christina said, Kris Everson's former co-workers don't know what to think. (Oh…I think they do…it resembles the scene in “Frankenstein” with angry villagers, torches, pitchforks and other sharp, harmful instruments. It also involves a united mob mentality, in this case, justified.)

"There's just a mixed bag of emotions," she said. "We feel sorry for them in some regards. They're just, what's the word for it, far off base on how they went about getting help. There's some anger, disbelief they did it."
Kris Everson said he doesn't think he should have been fired. (Oh really? The fact that the boss plunked down $1500 of his own money to help you all, then find out it was a trick? You’re lucky he doesn’t take you to court for that. You’re also lucky public flogging is illegal in this country.)

"I guess if that's the way they run their company -- by somebody getting too much publicity," he said. (Well, if you’d insert the word “negative” in that sentence, plus the fact that you SAY you didn’t know your wife was faking a multiple pregnancy? Fired is the easiest thing to do. As I said, public flogging is illegal in this country, but you’d probably be the reason folks would want to push that bill through.)

Police were still collecting reports from people who gave money through a Web site -- since taken down, after the couple's story began unraveling earlier this week -- that solicited donations for the fictitious sextuplets.

"As of right now, I can tell you there's more than $4,000 involved, and that's just the money," Ambrose said. "That doesn't count the material items people might have given them." (Oh boy…wire fraud. Always a good thing to be involved in – NOT!)

Sarah Everson said she disagrees with police about how much money the couple received in donations. (OF COURSE she would disagree…isn’t that part of what being guilty is?)

"The money that they did raise, we never saw any of it. It went to bills -- we didn't see any of it," she said. (So that makes it better? You deserve public flogging. I’m sorry.)

Sudiegirl’s final opinion?

So much for what happens to caring, giving Midwesterners when a hoax like this occurs. Can you say “I’m gonna kill ‘em?” I would.

I think this woman is mentally ill – not in the sense that she doesn’t know right from wrong. She does (albeit a little late). However, when desperation sets in, her sense of right from wrong is clouded by panic, and the option she chose was not thought out in any sense. People were going to want to see those babies after a while. They want to “check out the growth on their investment”, so to speak. How could that important facet of her plan be left out? How was she going to pull that off?

And do you REALLY think her husband was oblivious? I’m not so sure. I’m sure this has been debated at lunch tables and watercoolers around the country, but it’s a valid point. OF COURSE they’re going to act like a unified couple in public. OF COURSE he’s going to say he’ll be there for her. They’ve either been coached very well on this, or else he’s a bigger con than he appears.

Either way, this proves my dislike of the Midwestern “nice folks” stereotype. It proves that you’re just as likely to be cheated in Missouri as you are to receive a good deed in the heart of a bad neighborhood. In short, you just never know, so you should never assume.

In the meantime, if I decide to pursue a scam of this sort to “make my pile” (as Hoss puts it), smack me in the head with a blunt instrument, OK?

Pregnancy free since 1969,
Sudiegirl