Musings of a chick: Of Britney Spears and sealing wax...of Naomi Campbell beating people up with her telephone...and other random drivel

Well, now…

It’s a beautiful FRIDAY here in the District. George Mason University is enjoying their Cinderella fame making it to the Final Four and all. BTW, I know I am really going against type by even knowing that basketball exists, but high school and college basketball (in my opinion) seem to still have “innocence” of a sort. They haven’t reached pro status where they’re paid whether they win or lose. I like that, I guess. They’re still in it for the thrill of winning the big game as opposed to going up to the coach afterwards and saying “Where my check at?” So GO GEORGE MASON! WOO-HOO! (I’m sorry, but I have to drop the mantle of Iowa Hawkeyeism for the sake of my new home area…)

Not much goin’ on for your favorite bipolar redhead. But let me sidetrack for a minute. Every once in a while, I take a look at how my blog comes up in a search via http://www.sitemeter.com/. (End of shameless commercial plug…thank you. *bows*)

Anyway, someone looked up my blog under the topic “bipolar disorder”, and one of the blogs listed before mine in the search said that bipolar patients shouldn’t say “they’re bipolar”. They should say “I have bipolar disorder”. Now, for as long as I’ve been writing this little tome o’ mine, I’ve always said ‘I’m bipolar”. I may intersperse it with the latter phrase, but I use both interchangeably. What’s the big deal? I look at it this way…I don’t feel that the “disease has me” per se, but it’s simpler to say, “I’m bipolar” than it is to say “I have bipolar disorder type 2 along with generalized anxiety disorder”. I sprain my tongue doing that. It’s just like saying, “I’m asthmatic”, or “I’m diabetic”. It’s only PART of who you are. I’m also fat, artificially auburn-tressed, musical, creative, obnoxious, sensitive, caring, funny, freckled, blue-eyed, a cat lover, a dog lover, childless, Christian, and I can’t tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue…yet. So DAMMIT, don’t tell me what to do with my chronic condition!!!!! I’m not calling myself “crazier than a loon”, so leave me be.

OK…the sermon has ended.

So now, snarky comments about Hollyweird and the world at large will now resume.

First, a new semi-regular (i.e. when I get around to it or remember to do it) series: JOBS I DO NOT WANT TO FILL. Today’s featured openings are:

1. Naomi Campbell’s housekeeper.
Apparently, Ms. Campbell is a bit feisty. (NO! SAY IT AIN’T SO!) She makes ME look stable, y’all. Anyway, Ms. Campbell smacked her housekeeper upside the head with a telephone and caused her employee to require stitches. She was arrested, needless to say. In the photos where she’s walking out of a building with her lawyer, I just can’t help but see the difference in their facial expressions. Her lawyer’s face is pinched looking, like he’s already trying to come up with the out of court settlement. However, Naomi looks like this is just a stop on her way to the Jimmy Choo boutique or her yoga class. She looks PLEASANT! Something is rotten in Denmark, y’all. Has she ever had a psychiatric evaluation of any sort? She needs one, as well as a designer strait jacket and some intensive therapy to work out that anger.

UPDATE: A lawsuit has officially been filed regarding Ms. Campbell and her penchant for throwing wireless communication devices. Read all about it HERE.

2. Britney Spears’ bodyguards
Britney, Britney, Britney…didn’t your mamma teach you anything? According to recent reports, Britney overworks her bodyguards. Twenty-four hour standby? Oh please…her fan base probably doesn’t own a watch to share between them, much less be able to tell time. She probably was too busy getting a pedicure in high school to attend government class, so she doesn’t know that there are things called LAWS in this world. Specifically, employment laws. And if you break those, you have to pay LOTS of money to those you overworked. If there was a way they could format that concept to a “Dick and Jane” type format, the message might get through. I dunno, though. Anyone who would be cool with her “representation” sculpture where she’s in the process of giving birth on a bearskin rug is not really paying attention to things that she should. Oh well…

So now, a short list of jobs I want to fill…and I hope the prospective employers (and cadre of lawyers) are reading this…

1. Official putter-onner of Tom Jones’ Medal of Honor (or whatever it was he got from Queen Elizabeth II) this week.
WHY: That requires me to get close to him, put the medal around his neck, and make sure it’s laying properly on his chest. Hell, that could take hours! And I’m just the girl to do it.

2. Official “go-fer”/lackey/all-around handy babe for George Clooney
WHY: Several reasons. I’m good at putting together stereo equipment. I know my way around most Microsoft Office programs. I am WONDERFUL at answering the phone. My faxing/filing/copying skills are above reproach. I know who is aunt is and I can sing kind of like her in a pinch. Plus, he needs a plus-size Überbabe like myself on his arm to show the WORLD that he is truly accepting of all body types. Also, I could rock his world. I think that’s enough for credentials, don’t you?

3. Back-up singer for Stevie Wonder
WHY: I’ve loved his music since age 4. I’m a good singer. I know how to harmonize with Stevie’s songs. He’s blind so he can’t actually SEE me and know how I look. (However, I’m sure his managers can; I will have to find a way to work around that.) Finally, I would not pull any diva acts or anything. I’d just be content to sing my part and listen to Stevie live. Wow…I’m drooling already.

One more point I’d like to make…I am so happy that Jill Carroll has been released. However, I have a question. OK…Dubya made an official statement that he was very happy Ms. Carroll was released. However, in this time of trial and war, wouldn’t it make sense for him to either leave his little conference in Mexico and see her (if she’s up to it), or else announce plans to have her as a special guest at the White House? I mean, it might make him look like he’s pandering to the public to show that he’s sensitive to the needs of ordinary people like ourselves, but then again, he might look good – he might look like he actually cares about the whole aspect of war, especially innocent journalists who are held hostage for 82 days. I’m just sayin’….