Tuesday tweaks and twitters...

Greetings pals and gals...

Why do I have a picture of Mr. Rogers on my blog?

Because in some ways he reminds me of my dad. I'm missing him a lot today. Partly, it's because he's going through more tests (ugh) and I wish I could just be with him to help him pass the time and feel happy. Partly, it's just because I miss him. He's a good guy. We don't see eye to eye on every issue under the sun, but we can just sit and gab about stupid things and serious things, and it's all OK with us.

Also, when I was little, my dad wore his postal sweater or jacket a lot, and it looks kind of like the one Mr. Rogers is wearing in the photo above. Ergo, I drew the same similarity.

My sister (who's 4.5 years older than me) hated it when I said that. She thought Mr. Rogers was a wimp. I never did. I just thought of him as kind and gentle like Daddy. He could play piano and sing (my dad can't do either - sorry, Dad, but it's the truth) and he voiced all the puppets in the Land of Make Believe, and to a 4 year old like me, that was pretty impressive.

But today, I'm scared. Plain and simple.

I'm older now, and I know my dad's not invincible. I've seen him go through a lot of health problems the past few years, and I haven't been able to help as much as I want/should/need to. Part of it is because of my own BP battles. Part of it is circumstances in my life (the 2nd marriage, issues in that relationship, etc), and part of it is I just don't know what I can do to help. My sister has nurse's training and just has an aptitude for it. I just don't know what else I can do to help him out. I hate not knowing. I try not to lean on them for money or help because I know things are stressful for them and I need to put them in front of me.

I hate this helpless feeling. I feel like the family albatross.

Sudiegirl