And now, from the "Rent a Sense of Humor" files and Yahoo! News...

(Sudiegirl sez: I am a Midwesterner, and I know we can be quite boring. Any region whose citizens take delight in watching tractors pull heavy things have gotta be a little bit touched, ya know? However, most of the enlightened citizens have a sense of humor, but apparently it is not required for the position of Mayor of the City of Topeka. I've been to Topeka. It IS boring. Sorry, but true. So let's just start the show, and you all know the drill...)

Kan. Mayor Calls Birthday Card 'Offensive'
Sat Oct 1, 7:21 AM ET

TOPEKA, Kan. - Don't send Mayor Bill Bunten this birthday card. He won't be amused. (Why? Is someone a little SENSITIVE about his age? Hmmm...)

The birthday card produced by Hallmark bears the title "CSI: Topeka" and features a cartoon of two people standing over a corpse, with one saying, "Looks like he was bored to death." (Actually, you could use a lot of Midwestern towns in there...some that come to mind for Iowa include Kalona, Keota, Strawberry Point, Washington, Wellman, Solon...don't get me started on Illinois, Minnesota or Missouri!)

Inside the card is the message, "Hope your birthday is anything but dull." (Now that's a funny card! Not one I'd necessarily pick because there's no references to doggie poop or fart jokes, but I'd buy it for someone...)

Though a company spokeswoman says Hallmark didn't intend to offend anyone, the mayor wasn't laughing when he learned about it. (Well, apparently he must have missed the "Humor in Politics and City Government Seminar".)

"I find it offensive," Bunten told The Topeka Capital-Journal. "It's probably drawn up by somebody from West Virginia who hasn't been here." (Ah yes...it's not OK to pick on Topeka, but it IS OK to pick on West Virginia? I see the pitchforks and torches on the horizon...I'll mapquest the directions to the mayor's house and meet 'em all there. What the hell!)

Hallmark spokeswoman Kristi Ernsting said the author, whom she declined to identify, grew up in Kansas. The card refers to popular television dramas about forensics experts who investigate crimes, set in Las Vegas, Miami and New York. (Actually, with the BTK murderer being from somewhere in Kansas, wouldn't it be interesting to have a "CSI" franchise set in Topeka? Ya know, it's always the quiet ones. They always seem so nice, and they have more bodies in the back yard than Hugh Hefner on a Saturday night.)

"We hope that the people of Topeka can take it in good humor," she said. "That's how it was intended." (Better cancel that order of Maxine books and whoopee cushions for the mayor's house...)

Richard Forester, president of the Topeka Convention and Visitors Bureau, expressed disappointment with the Kansas City, Mo.-based Hallmark, noting that it has a plant in Topeka. (Yeah? Well, that's nice to know. Do they offer tours? Can we meet Maxine? Come on...give a girl a break!)

But he added, "It's not the first time we've been poked fun at," he said, "and I'm sure it won't be the last." (Nope. It could be worse, though...you could be Wichita.)
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On the Net:
City of Topeka: http://www.topeka.org

Sudiegirl's final words?

Lighten up, Mayor. This may do more for your city than any festival based around a food item. And if you're so worried about Topeka seeming boring, CHANGE IT! Make it a swingin' place to be, and don't stereotype West Virginia! They're feisty over there, and they made Abercrombie and Fitch stop producing those "It's All Relative In West Virginia" shirts. God knows what they'd do to Topeka.

Boringly yours...

Sudiegirl