From the "Nyah Nyah Nyah!" files and Yahoo! News...

"Today I will teach you how to distract your captors with lilacs..."

Sudiegirl sez: I am so thankful this story came out today...I have never felt so justified or liberated. I will no longer feel guilty because I didn't make a bird feeder out of twigs I found in my backyard because the woman that promotes this heinous activity played hooky by going to a yoga class when she's rich enough to have a damned instructor come to her HOUSE! Yessir, I am so totally vindicated I could just do a happy dance. Here we go, peoples!

Martha Staying Home for Three More Weeks

By JIM FITZGERALD, Associated Press Writer

2 hours, 5 minutes ago

WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. - Martha Stewart will have to remain a domestic diva a little while longer. (Nyah nyah nyah! Hahahahahahaha...such intelligent discourse.)

The home-and-hearth marketing queen, who was due to complete five months of house arrest Aug. 10, has agreed to extend the sentence by three extra weeks, her lawyer, Walter E. Dellinger, said in a brief statement Wednesday. (Like she had a choice?)

It wasn't revealed what Stewart did to earn the extra three weeks of confinement. Dellinger's assistant, Ann Kienlen, said he would not elaborate beyond his brief announcement. (Because he was busy laughing his ass off, maybe?)

The chief U.S. probation officer in New York, Chris Stanton, would not confirm or deny the extension of Stewart's confinement. Stewart's company, Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia Inc., issued a brief statement saying it "will be so happy to have Martha working without restriction at the end of the month." (Oh yeah, I'm sure they'll be happy for "Simone LeGree" back in the office cracking the hand braided whip.)

The New York Post reported Sunday that Stewart was seen riding an off-road vehicle on her estate and attended a yoga class nearby. Stanton would not say if those were violations or if they constituted part of her employment. (I have serious doubts, esp. the yoga class.)

According to the conditions of her sentence, Stewart must remain inside her home north of New York City except for 48 hours a week of employment, food shopping, doctor appointments and church. And Stewart must always wear a monitoring anklet, about which she has repeatedly complained, saying it irritates her skin. (Have you tried Aveeno, Martha?)

"I am not allowed to take it off at any time, and I am not allowed, while in my home, to have any padding under the strap," she once told fans during an Internet chat. "I hope none of you ever has to wear one." (I hope she explained WHY she had the stupid thing on in the first place. You don't choose to wear one of those, Martha...as John Houseman said, "We EARN it.")

Stewart's release from the anklet and home confinement is now set for Aug. 31. Her original five-month confinement sentence followed a five-month prison term for lying about a stock sale. (I still hold fast to the idea tbat she should come here and clean my apartment as another facet of her punishment. I can guarantee you that after that, she will not even JAYWALK.)

Sudiegirl's final opinion?

Was yoga really worth it?