From the "Doctor, I have a funny rash on my butt" files and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: I was lucky to find another "Veterinarian's Hospital" picture on the web...so I will use it to its utmost! This article caught my eye this AM, but I thought I would just riff on it. Some of the answers in this article really do surprise me, but they didn't address the issue of why we have tonsils if they're basically useless, and why they make the word "uvula" so hard to say. Read on, and if you're not careful you might learn something before you're done! (Kudos to Bill Cosby and Fat Albert for that line)

"Why Do Men Have Nipples?" answered in new book
By John Zawadzinski Tue Aug 2,10:58 AM ET

NEW YORK, Aug 2 - (Reuters) - Have you ever wondered why your teeth chatter when you're cold, or if you could really catch a disease from sitting on a toilet seat? (Well, my mom said it was true...why would she lie?)

New York physician Billy Goldberg, pestered by unusual questions at cocktail parties and other social gatherings over the years, puts the public's mind at ease in his book "Why Do Men Have Nipples?" which hits the book stores on Tuesday. (So is this book basically the way to "drop the subject", since the doc answers most all questions?)

"It's really remarkable how often you get accosted," said Goldberg, 39. "There are the medical questions from family and friends, and then there are the drunk and outrageous questions where somebody wants to drop their pants and show you a rash or something." (I guess I picked the right title after all!)

The book, subtitled, "Hundreds of Questions You'd Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini," (Three Rivers Press), is co-authored by humourist Mark Leyner. (No doubt after he had his third martini and dropped his pants for the doctor...)

"People tend to know so little about their bodies as compared to their cars or their laptops," said Leyner, 49, of Hoboken, New Jersey. "When I worked in a pharmacy in Washington, D.C., people would ask me medical questions all the time. I was just a 22-year-old cashier at Rite Aid." (Interesting!)

Chattering teeth is one way the body tries to generate heat. (That makes sense...) When the body gets too cold, the area of the brain called the hypothalamus alerts the rest of the body to begin warming up. Shivering, the rapid muscle movement that generates heat, then begins. Teeth chattering represents localised shivering. (That, and it's DAMN COLD outside!)

During the course of their research, Goldberg and Leyner found reports of gonorrhea, pinworm and roundworm found on toilet seats -- but catching something from it isn't common. (However, if there's anything wet looking on the seat, wipe it off first...you'll thank yourself for it later.)

The authors discovered that an office setting might be worse for your health than toilet seats. Charles Gerba, a microbiologist at the University of Arizona, found the typical office desk harbors some 400 times more disease-causing bacteria than the average toilet seat. (You know, I think I have read that. I know when I've worked temp on several jobs, they always had us wipe down our desks before leaving for the day, and washing our headphones and microphones to boot. Weird stuff.)

Goldberg had compiled a list of nagging questions for several years before embarking on the book after meeting Leyner. The two met while working on a short-lived ABC-TV medical drama, "Wonderland," in which Leyner served as a writer, while Goldberg was its medical advisor. (Wonderland was a great show! Why in God's name did they cancel it?)

BURNING QUESTIONS (As opposed to itching and burning questions...)

Some of the burning questions answered in the humorous book include "What causes morning breath?" and "Why do beans give you gas?" (Also, "Why do ugly women look better before the bar closes?")

Goldberg says morning breath results from anaerobic bacteria, the xerostomia (dry mouth) or the volatile sulfur compounds (which are waste products from the bacteria). (So it's mouth poop?) Other contributing factors to foul oral odor includes medication, alcohol, sugar, smoking, caffeine, and eating dairy products. (Notice BREAD isn't on the list! Yay, bread!)

Beans contain high percentages of sugars that our bodies are unable to digest, Goldberg explains. When the sugars make it to the intestines, bacteria go to work and start producing large amounts of gas. (OK, now explain why the gas only hits in a crowded elevator or during an important meeting. Can't do it, can ya? Huh? Huh?)

And if you're ever bitten by a poisonous snake, sucking at the bite to remove the poison, as often shown in the movies and on TV is not only ineffective, but could lead to an infection. Instead, the bite should be washed with soap and water and immobilised. The bitten area should also be kept lower than the heart. Medical help should be sought immediately. (This makes me think of Ron White's joke: "If I had known the difference between antidote and anecdote, my friend John would be alive today...he's dying of a rattlesnake bite and I'm reading humorous stories out of Readers' Digest.")

And why do men have nipples? (Because they're jealous...and they need something to play with.)

While only females have mammary glands, we all start out in a similar way in the embryo, the authors explain. The embryo follows a female template until about six weeks, when the male sex chromosome kicks in. Men, however, have already developed nipples. (Oh, gee, that's too bad...)

Sudiegirl's final word?

You put the lime in the coconut, you drink them both up...