Ya know, if it ever comes down to this when I'm in my twilight years, I will never date again...
(Sudiegirl sez...first of all, some of the photos pasted in this entry are courtesy of the good, twisted folks at www.thesmokinggun.com. They are in a section of their archives labeled "Florida's Felonious Fogeys". However, I believe that this remarkable specimen of geriatric femininity would actually participate in an activity of this sort. And also, she is on the "blog dating" roster as well...her hobbies including crocheting tea cozys, watching WWF Wrestling, and recycling Metamucil containers. Now, join me as I comment in my usual loving way on this unique method of senior citizen recreation...you know the routine.)Sat Jul 23,12:04 PM ET
ROANOKE, Va. - Wal-Mart has ditched a program that helped single shoppers find love in the discount store's aisles. (That's a shame...it's easier to find love at Wal-Mart than it is to find toilet paper sometimes.)
Officials at Wal-Mart headquarters in Bentonville, Ark., ordered their Roanoke store to put an end to Singles Shopping, the only program of its kind at Wal-Mart's U.S. stores. (Ah-ha! It's the GERMANS again...first they're quizzing Tom Cruise about aliens, now this. And is anyone else besides me surprised by the fact that they have Wal-Marts in foreign countries?)
Taking a cue from Wal-Marts in Germany, the month-old program encouraged customers on Friday evenings to pick up a red bow they could place on their shopping carts as an invitation to other singles. (Apparently, condoms were too hard to see and kept falling off the front of the carts.) "Flirt points" were set up in various sections of the store. (OK, I don't know if you have the same clammy-palms, slightly nauseous feeling that I have about this fact...I don't want to even think about geriatric flirting. I mean, it bugs me enough that Mom & Dad had sex twice, and to think of geriatric muskrat love just gives me a big ol' case of the willies.)
A Wal-Mart spokesman declined to comment on the reason behind the program's cancellation. But customer Dale Firebaugh, who showed up Friday night hoping to meet his match, said store employees told him several people had complained. (Well, I wonder what happened? It was probably all those candles lit in Aisle 7 while they commandeered a boom-box and started playing Slim Whitman and Lawrence Welk CDs on repeat. Plus all the moaning...probably weren't sure if it was nooky or a broken hip.)
"Eh? What's that?"
Geezer Bachelor #1 enjoys bocce ball, a good steak and a large-print Readers' Digest in the can. Ask him about his grandchildren!
"All little boys love ribbon candy, damnit!"
Geezer bachelorette #1 enjoys spending quality time with her 80 cats, the wonders of plastic canvas coasters, and the poetry of Helen Steiner Rice. Ask her about her grandchildren!
"So let me get this straight...I hold the sign and you give me 5 free bingo cards?"
Geezer Bachelor #2 knows that "every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man", and he can still fit into his zoot suit from 1943. He also loves the sharp tang of prune juice, walks on the beach if he wears his special shoes, and has seen every episode of "Matlock" five times.
Boy, I think they're rarin' to go, don't you?
And to the strains of "September Song", I must bid you all a fond farewell.
Bye...
Sudiegirl the not-yet-old.
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