And now, from the "With Friends Like These" files and Yahoo! News...

(Sudiegirl's note...I had to insert a picture of my favorite cartoon bachelor, Pepe le Pew. Maybe the protagonist of this news article would be wise to learn the ways of Pepe...you know, the relentlessness, the romance, the body odor...wait a minute. Anyway, if any of this man's friends, acquaintances, or future conquests are reading this, I apologize for any possible ways to offend that I may not have touched upon yet. However, ya gotta hand it to his friends...they ponied up the dough for all this. As much as my friends love me, they're as broke as I amand would basically equip me with Long John Silvers coupons, some Lady Stetson cologne and a couple Trojans, then push me out the door and say, "Go get 'em, big girl!" So Lance, something had better come of this or there's gonna be some pissed off people hounding you to pay for those billboards. I'm just sayin'...the usual snottiness is enclosed.)

Billboard Seeks Wife for Utah Bachelor, 31

22 minutes ago

SALT LAKE CITY - Friends say Lance Archibald is a tall, handsome former college basketball player and graduate of Harvard business school. He's also still single at 31, and so they're hoping to speed things up with a billboard and Web site. (Ya know, whatever happened to putting up flyers at the supermarket? You'd probably get the same response, and it's much easier and less dangerous than a billboard, plus the likelihood of catching a computer virus from a flyer in a supermarket is way lower. I'm just sayin'.)

"I'm Lance, Let's go out!" reads the billboard on an interstate near Lindon, about 40 miles south of Salt Lake City. (Is that the BEST they could come up with? I know that it's a billboard and it should be short, sweet and to the point, but that's just lame. How about something like "4 out of 5 dentists recommend Lance for their patients who chew gum"? Or maybe, "Lance: Taste the Rainbow". Or am I just reaching?)

"It kind of came out of discussions we had, that Lance is such a good guy but not married," said Morgan Lynch, CEO of LogoWorks, where Archibald is the director of marketing. "Someone threw out the idea of getting a billboard." (Is that even legal to do in the workplace ? Is that discrimination of a sort? I don't know...I'm just asking. That seems like a drastic thing to do to get someone married off, don't you think?)

So why the concern over Archibald's marital status? As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, whose members typically marry in their early 20s, the 31-year-Archibald is approaching the male-equivalent of an "old maid." (Well, I guess that's better than my status...been through two marriages before age 40. That's still a better track record than Liz Taylor, though, and WAY better than Mickey Rooney.)

Friends say they're not sure what the Brigham Young University graduate and former Mormon missionary is looking for but tease "it's taking a little longer than usual for a guy with these credentials." (There's a movie about a Mormon missionary that falls in love with the gay neighbor. It's so good, but not something a Mormon should see if they want to live through the film experience. Maybe, though, this group of friends should go see it? Then again, it's too late to get a refund on the billboard.)

"Team DateLance," the cadre of friends and co-workers behind the scheme, are screening date applications. The site asks interested women to describe themselves, including age, occupation and personality, and to describe their ideal date with Archibald. (OK, I'll take the Pepsi Challenge on this one. "Dear Lance: Saw your billboard. I'm fat, bipolar, an artifical redhead, in debt up to my eyeballs, working as a temp and am not interested in becoming a Mormon in any way because I dig caffeine too much. Oh, and I'm Episcopalian and you wouldn't like that because we actually let women hold pastoral positions in our church. My ideal date includes attending a meeting of the local ACLU chapter and discussing D.H. Lawrence at length. How about next Friday, do you like Italian?" They'll shut down the website quicker than you can say "Osmond", that's for sure.)

So far, the Web site has received more than 1,500 hits, with several women vying for a date.
"We're still taking submissions," Bates said. "As much as we thought it'd be funny, we're serious about this." (Why do you care if he's married or not married? It is his business and God's, isn't it? I think you're messin' with something dangerous here, TeamLance.)

Archibald is taking the attention in stride, although he says he's spent a good amount of time explaining to others what his friends have done. And he says he's not bothered by singlehood.
"I'm not overly concerned about (marriage). I'm pretty happy right now," Archibald said. "I'd like to get married, but it's not a concern." (Translation: "Back the $%#^ off.")
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On the Net:
Date Lance: http://www.datelance.com

Sudiegirl sez:

Ya know, I think one of my goals tomorrow is to actually tour www.datelance.com and see what it's all about. I'll be happy to give a full report tomorrow...whataya think?

"Love is a many splendored thing", y'all.