Armageddon is surely upon us for the very fabric of our culture has been sullied...read on

(Sudiegirl's note: I know obesity is a problem in our country, but I think if more people followed their id like Cookie Monster does, a HELL of a lot less people would be on psychotropic drugs that can also contribute to weight gain that is hard to take off...don't you think? Read on, beloved folks, with justifiable indignance and sarcasm entered where necessary.)

Cookie Monster on a health kick? Is nothing sacred?

By Chelsea J. Carter
Associated Press



NEW YORK (AP) - Something must be wrong in the land of Muppets.
(Well, that's been the case since Jim Henson died...)

First PBS announced that ``Sesame Street'' would kick off its 36th season this week with a multiyear story arc about healthy habits. No problem there; childhood obesity rates are soaring.
(I'd have to say I agree with that too, and it's not just "Sesame Street" reacting that way; Cartoon Network has started its "Get Animated"/Movement Ink Public Service Announcement series that will hopefully get people's attention as well.)

Then I learned of changes that turned my ``Sesame Street'' world upside down.
(I think I like her already...)

My beloved blue, furry monster -- who sang ``C is for cookie, that's good enough for me'' -- is now advocating eating healthy. (I feel your pain, brothers and sisters...)

There's even a new song -- ``A Cookie Is a Sometimes Food,'' where Cookie Monster learns there are ``anytime'' foods and ``sometimes'' foods. (Apparently the writers for Sesame Street haven't dealt with the subjects of women craving chocolate and/or salty foods during PMS or the unexplainable yet highly satisfying "marijuana munchies". Maybe that's for later, ya think?)

``Sacrilege!'' I cried. ``That's akin to Oscar the Grouch being nice and clean.'' (Co-workers gave me strange looks. But I didn't care.)
(Did I mention that I like this woman? However, I don't know if she's old enough to remember that Cookie Monster had a cousin or a brother named Apple Monster that wore overalls and a straw hat and ate -- surprise!--apples. And Oscar will probably be next on the sacrificial altar of political correctness, even though he was created, under CTW sanction, to show kids that grouchy feelings are NORMAL.)


Being a journalist, I did the only thing I knew how to do. I investigated why ``Sesame Street'' gave Cookie Monster a health makeover.

The answer would lead me into a world where television producers worked with health experts and politicians, a place where Cookie Monster cares about his health, and by association, the health of children. (DOGS AND CATS LIVING TOGETHER...MASS HYSTERIA!)

The first place I headed was the Internet. On the ``Sesame Street'' Web site, little had changed. There was Cookie Monster, in all his blue furriness. He was holding a plate of cookies. He was chomping on a cookie. He still looked the same. But as we all know, looks can be deceiving.

So I searched the site for news on Cookie Monster and up popped a press release about the show's ``Healthy Habits for Life'' emphasis. Buried near the bottom was a one-sentence mention about Cookie Monster eating fewer cookies.

But what did that mean? Scarfing one plateful instead of two?
(Hey, works for me...)

I picked up the telephone. ``What's going on with Cookie Monster?'' I asked the ``Sesame Street'' press office. ``Why are you doing this?''
(Was this before or after the Molotov Cocktail went through their office window? Oh wait a minute...that's what I would do...never mind.)

They sent me to Rosemarie T. Truglio, the show's vice president of research and education.
She said the show changes every year, focusing not just on teaching numbers and letters but also emotional and physical health.

("And later on, boys and girls, we'll find out why it's inappropriate to call your kindergarten teacher a "fascist, white trash pig" because you didn't get an extra carton of chocolate milk at snacktime...and why you SHOULDN'T eat paste...too high in bad carbs.")

With the rise in childhood obesity, Truglio said ``Sesame Street'' is concentrating on the need to teach children about healthy foods and physical activity.

(Does running with scissors count? God, I keep projecting myself into this scenario. Perhaps it's just because I'm childish...oops, I mean youthful...)

This season, each episode opens with a ``health tip'' about nutrition, exercise, hygiene and rest.
Truglio said ``Sesame Street'' also will introduce new characters, such as talking carrots, and offer parodies, such as ``American Fruit Stand.'' Guest stars will address healthy activities, such as Alicia Keys talking and singing about the importance of physical activity.

(Other possibilities for celebrities and health spots on "Sesame Street": Keith Richards on the importance of cleaning your blood whether you need it or not, Lara Flynn Boyle on the importance of eating...dear God, does she even EAT? Or maybe Charlie Sheen on the importance of sex with multiple partners and ingesting large amounts of Chivas Regal and Valium at the same time while driving, Matthew McConaghey on the importance of smoking pot and expressing oneself with naked bongo playing, Liza Minnelli on the finer points of self-defense against a totally virile (just ask his publicist) Broadway producer while drunk on vodka. You could just take this anywhere...some may think I've already taken it too far!)

Even politicians have gotten into the act, filming public service announcements with ``Sesame Street'' residents. In one, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist taught Elmo to exercise. In another, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton and the small red monster discuss the various textures and tastes of foods.

(Too bad they didn't have Bill Clinton and Elmo...Bill could have gotten a few cigars and at least one lapdance for Elmo, don't ya think? And of course, you have to be a good host and participate yourself to be in good taste, right? Oh, I'm going to hell for this but enjoying the ride...)

But what about their position on Cookiegate?

(Cookiegate...dear god...another thing that's going to interrupt TV viewing? I hope not)

``Even Cookie Monster is learning to control his cookie cravings,'' Frist told me by e-mail. ``His sage advice opened our eyes to the simple joys of a tasty cookie and now reminds us that moderation is the key to healthy living.''

(Sure...just look at Ted Kennedy to comment on moderation...)

Cookie Monster was not available for comment. (I'm hoping he hasn't gone too Hollywood.)

(I sense a rebuttal statement in the offing...no promises, though...)

``We are not putting him on a diet,'' said his spokesman, Truglio. ``And we would never take the position of no sugar. We're teaching him moderation.''

(See Ted Kennedy comment above...)

But will he still scarf his food? Yes, plus the occasional object, Truglio said.

(WAY too tempting a line...I'll just walk away from it quietly)

But isn't that unhealthy? Her reply: He's still Cookie Monster.

Cookie Monster appears to be happy with the new ``sometimes food'' song, because at the end he warbles: ``Is sometimes now?''

``Yes,'' he's told.

So there it is. Cookie Monster still gobbles cookies, he's just a healthier version of his old self. His eyes are still googly, his fur is still scruffy and he's still messy.

Even ``Sesame Street'' recognizes that we all need guilty pleasures.

(Well, sometimes is now for me too. Please excuse me while I polish off the rest of my pizza and breadsticks and wash it down with Diet Coke. Hey, gotta start somewhere...)

Cravenly yours,

Sudiegirl