Monday, April 28, 2008

This is what happens when you are hungry and can't find an idea for a post...

OK - it's time for "weirdness in food packaging".

I am tweaky about this stuff...because I like to eat and I like to read. My sister and I read the back of cereal boxes growing up, and also were known to prop up a book behind our cereal bowl and expand our minds until our mother started yelling that we would be late for school if we didn't knock it off.

I don't read at breakfast as much as I used to because I get up about fifteen minutes before leaving for work. I'm a big-time procrastinator. But I still read food packaging and I was especially intrigued by a recent acquisition of microwave popcorn.

Yep - you read it right.

I'm a sometime popcorn dad LOVED popcorn and once it became microwavable he was a happy li'l guy. He and Mom could hunker down and eat popcorn while watching a Hawkeye game or something, but they didn't read the packaging as avidly as one might think. Therefore, they didn't notice the weirdness. Lucky them.

So here are some of the highlights of my popcorn bag:

1) Catchy line - "listen to the pop to know when to stop". That's right up there with "stranger danger" in terms of catchiness. Not as catchy as "sometimes you feel like a nut...sometimes you don't", but you can't have everything. However, painful memories of drunk college students NOT listening to the pop tend to flood through and create a new slogan..."if you smell the scorch, your popcorn's a torch. Don't drink and pop!"

2) Cutie-pie mom and cute kid with big cartoon eyes rejoicing in the microwave bounty they have before them. "YAY! MOM...what else can we microwave?" You can just feel the electricity in the room as Junior looks for something else to microwave...and you wonder if he's going to throw action figures in there for the hell of it.

3. The Act II company doesn't approve of the automatic "popcorn" key on many microwaves. I think that's prejudice. I still listen for the pops but I like my popcorn key and I will continue to use it so F'U! Besides, when one isn't always the sharpest knife in the drawer like yours truly, it's easier to push the key and listen than it is to do the complicated number dance and figure out exactly how much time you need to punch in.

4. The Act II folks and Chef Boyardee share a corporate umbrella in ConAgra Foods. I know my processed food, yo.

5. Bilingual instructions do not include the catchy "listen to the pop" line. Then again, I don't know Spanish so it might. Could anyone who understands Spanish and eats Act II popcorn let me know about this?

So bottom line? I need another hobby, forthwith, yo.