Tuesday, February 05, 2008

I Am Weasel (?)

OK - the saga continues.

For those who are new, click here to be linked to the epic story I've been enduring in this happy new year.

First of all, last night, DD called and he was jonesing for a fix badly. So badly, he called his dealer. But he talked himself out of it. But he was "so lonely" he asked me to move in with him for a while. I said no, not a good idea, too major a life change to be good for anyone, etc. (Not to mention the fact that I plain ol' don't wanna do it...)

Later on last night, DD advised me that he called the sister (aka his sister in law) of the woman who put the restraining order against him just to find out if "she REALLY had a boyfriend". He found out that this chick does have a boyfriend but it's supposedly "nothing serious". So now his hopes are up, he's seen the error of his ways, the plantation can indeed be saved, etc.

However, he still wants to kick the nose candy on his own. No support group, no rehab, just his own brand of East Coast intestinal fortitude. Meantime, he's moaning about this woman again and even though he says he's getting sober for his OWN sake, he talks constantly of her and how HE'LL get back with HER when this six month thing is up. This woman (who he's vilified on several occasions) is his focus.

I couldn't take it anymore.

This morning, I talked to his supervisor and advised her of the situation. Bear in mind that I stuck up for him once before back in October because he was so stressed and unhappy and I was scared he might blow and do something to himself or someone else.

I am a weasel. But I couldn't keep the secret anymore.

I know I'm going to have repercussions from this. DD will probably vilify me too, and bitch at me, and God knows what else. But I can't keep this under my hat.

If he relapses and does something even MORE dangerous than before, I'll just wrack myself with guilt that I didn't speak up. I don't expect thanks from this, or a medal, or a pat on the back, or even a f'ing cookie. It's not about me. It's about him.

So why am I so sad? Why am I so scared, if deep down I'm doing the right thing (people will say)?