The fourth item...and I can't believe this...CUPCAKES.
In particular, we have "PERFECT ENDINGS CUPCAKES FROM WILLIAMS-SONOMA".
Here's what Oprah says about this stuff:
Sam Godfrey, the cake genius behind Oprah's 400-pound 50th birthday cake, is bringing his sweet treats to the masses for the first time. Perfect Endings Cupcakes can be shipped anywhere in the United States and come in three fabulous flavors: red velvet with white icing, chocolate with chocolate sprinkles and coconut.
You can order them from www.williams-sonoma.com, and the cost is $59 for a "set" of 9.
I know...I know...I can't hold back. Gotta say some things here...
- First of all, a 400 lb. birthday cake? I love my sweets, but DAMN! 400 pounds? Please. If I had a birthday party, I don't think I could fit a cake that big into my condo, and I don't have enough friends to merit a 400-pound birthday cake. Then again, maybe Oprah had to have that big a cake for the following reasons:
- She had to bribe people to come to her birthday party...?
- She's REALLY depressed about Steadman Graham
- She's trying to impress Rachael Ray and Martha Stewart
- She's still depressed about being fooled by James Frey and needs the extra cake to self-medicate.
- Second...I think I have a smidge of a problem with the term "cake genius". I'm not saying the dude isn't good at what he does, but to me, "cake genius" may not apply. If you want "cake genius", think about the folks at Hostess who created the Twinkie. Why? Because these folks have created a snack cake whose shelf life has yet to be determined!!!!! That's genius. As good a baker Mr. Godfrey might be, you can't beat that "undetermined shelf-life" thing.
- Third...for $59, you don't even get a bakers' dozen (13) or a regular dozen (12). For $59, I want at least one of those quantities, NOT "a set of" 9. I watched "Multiplication Rock", thank you, and while 9 IS a multiple of 3, so is 12, and I want my 12! My sister would give me a dozen for the teensiest fraction of that cost.
Well, it's multi-part, so hold on to your hats.
- Go to the Duncan Hines websites...click HERE to go there. A couple helpful hints: Duncan Hines has chocolate, Red Velvet and Coconut flavored mixes, which lend to the authenticity of the whole thing. Also, note that one box of cake mix generally yields two dozen (that's 24) cupcakes.
- Go to the grocery store (either by yourself or with whoever you've coerced to be YOUR "cake genius") and pick up all necessary ingredients for these confections...which includes eggs, oil, muffin tins and the paper cup thingies you put the batter in and whatever else is needed. Refer to box if you are not a "cake genius"...they usually tell you whatever you need right there on the box. Isn't that convenient?
- If you choose to bake them yourself, simply follow the instructions on the box once you get home and you should be fine. If your appointed baker makes them for you, they'll get the finished products to you when they're damned good and ready.
$59 bucks for less than a dozen, my ass!
As far as how much it would cost for your cupcakes (whether they're self-created or created by others according to this procedure), it'll vary according to your local grocery store. I'd advise using coupons, and checking circulars. However, I'd say that your cupcakes would cost well under $15 to make.
Oprah, Oprah, Oprah...I must say the old adage about the fool and money parting soon applies to you, m'dear. I've got some swampland and a bridge to sell you if you want to add 'em to your "Favorite Things" for next year, if you're interested.
Tomorrow, another edition, and it'll be a "two-fer!"