OK...this is one of those "Come Hell Or High Water" things....

When I saw this article (click link in title to see the article in full...) it was all I could to hold back a veritable SCREAM of delight!!!!

Yes, I said "SCREAM"!

Those who read my blog and/or know me at least a smidge know that Stevie is one of my musical idols. So this little paragraph passes before my myopic eyeballs, you see:

Wonder, 57, last launched a major tour in 1986, according to trade publication Pollstar, although he has performed plenty of one-off dates since then.

I am well aware of his last major tour (the "In Square Circle" tour), because I was going to go AWOL from marching band the night Stevie was in Iowa City playing the Carver Hawkeye Arena on said tour. I did not skip, however, because I was dating the band director's son and thought it would be in poor taste to go AWOL under those circumstances.

But now, I say this...

THIS HAS TO HAPPEN!!!!! Hear me, Big Ernie? THIS HAS TO HAPPEN!

I will do the following to procure tickets for myself to see Stevie...

• Troll for paying sexual partners up and down the Washington Beltway until my goal is reached.
• Sing at childrens' birthday parties while they kick me in the shins.
• I will give Rosie O' Donnell singing lessons
• I'll work really hard to be nice to annoying relatives
• I'll watch the following bad (both universally bad plus "in my opinion" bad) movies: Xanadu, Battlefield Earth, Glitter (yes, even if there's a craptastic director's cut that's even worse than the version in theaters, I WILL WATCH IT) and the following Kevin Costner movies: Bull Durham, Waterworld, and The Postman
• I'll willingly watch every "Lawrence Welk Show" episode in existence, as well as "Murder She Wrote" from beginning to end.
  
• I'll clean the catboxes with my tongue
• I'll be nice to all people I don't like (extension of item #4)
• I'll consider thinking about voting for Hillary Clinton

Just to show Big Ernie how serious I am, I'll even take suggestions from readers on further ways to humiliate myself so mercy will be shown and Stevie Wonder tickets will be MINE!!!

So do your worst, folks...what would you like to see me do to further sully my own good name so I can see my sweet Stevie in concert? I mean it...I'm willing to do most anything for tickets.

For further inspiration, here's a groovy li'l clip from YouTube featuring Stevie and some guy named Omar that has bad hair. Get to work, you guys!