Friday, August 10, 2007 it just me or are some days just rife with freakery?

First of all, I found this little YouTube gem on Cartoon Brew (a blog for animation enthusiasts):

Now I know they didn't have stuff like this when I was a child. I would have remembered it and discussed it frequently with my therapist for years. But here are my thoughts:

  1. These characters are tigers, which means they're cats. Why aren't they using litterboxes instead? Probably because "litterbox" wouldn't flow as nicely in the songs as "toilet" does.
  2. Did the "talking poo" character come before or after Mr. Hankey of "South Park"?
  3. This cartoon is not based in reality because I don't think I've ever heard a kid say, "My bottom feels funny" as a precursor for going "number 2". Some kids say, "I gotta poop" or "make dookie" or whatever the slang is in their house. Others don't say anything for whatever reasons. They just strain and turn purple, and when asked what they're doing, they get a shifty look on their face and say, "Nothin'..."
  4. I have to admit, I like that handle on the toilet lid for grabbing when you've gotta strain for those hard ones. Do they make 'em for grown-ups?
  5. Do those potty songs have a "dance mix" edition? That'd be cool for a rave...get all hopped up on Ecstacy and start watching the video, and pretty soon everyone's singing along (possibly even pissing their pants in unison).
OK - so we got the potty video. Let's examine other things on the grand buffet of life.

People are getting into this whole "What Sudiegirl will do to humiliate herself so Big Ernie will have mercy and allow her to see Stevie Wonder" poll. I have had eight votes so far, and here's how everything looks right now:

First place with four votes:
I'll willingly watch "Xanadu", "The Postman", "Glitter", "Waterworld" or "Battlefield Earth" (50%)

Second place with three votes:
Troll for paying sexual partners up and down the Washington Beltway until my goal is reached (37%)

Third place with two votes:
I will give Rosie O' Donnell singing lessons (25%)

Fourth place with one vote:
I'll be nice to all people I don't like (including obnoxious relatives) (12%)

So it looks like so far I'd better get out my Blockbuster card. Damn it. I wish I'd never thought that one up, but's all in the name of the greater good. Greater good, of course, means "my best interests", but really, is that so wrong?

Finally, this li'l gem done piqued my interest. Yes, indeedy.

This comes to us courtesy of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, home of avant-garde theater.

Now I'm not a big avant-garde theater/performance art fan as a rule. To me, stuff like that just makes me think of those "Muppet Show" sketches where Gonzo says he's going to eat a rubber tire to the music of the "Flight of the Bumblebee". If I want to watch someone slap themselves with raw meat and recite Elizabeth Barrett Browning poetry I'll book a flight home in time for my next family reunion. In other words, NO THANK YOU.

But this...What is it? It's the "Discotivity" production, courtesy of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

Yep...the Holy Family gets down and gets funky with their bad selves. To quote the article, here are some of the highlights of the show:

...King Herod, plotting the massacre of the innocents after the birth of Jesus, gyrates to "Disco Inferno."

...When Joseph and Mary find there is no room at the inn, queue camp chorus of Village People offering the "YMCA" as alternative accommodation.

...As the couple puzzle over a name for their child, Mary goes into labor, doubles up in pain and shouts "Jesus Christ!"

Now, I have to admit that sometimes my brain works like ol' Hoss's does. I mean, I'm not opposed to makin' my pile (although dung beetles are not part of the equation).

I also realize that Andrew Lloyd Webber kind of beat me to the punch with the whole "Jesus Christ Superstar" thing, and Stephen Schwartz has sent plenty of community theaters all a-tingle with "Godspell". (BTW, I have never liked either of those shows...don't ask me why...they just leave me colder than a mackerel.)

Then you've got "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat", and I think there was even a show about Noah's Ark called "Two By Two"(again, by Schwartz...whoopee-doo), so it's not like the arena hasn't been discovered. ("Joseph" doesn't thrill me either, so don't even go there.)

So...knowing full well that I am risking everything as far as offending people is concerned (and also risking the fact that it just won't be funny), I think Rancho Sudiegirl should branch out into tableaus of this nature. Come on now!

As a matter of fact, let's just think about it. Here's some ideas for bible sagas that (in my opinion) need to make it to the stage:
  • Moses and the ten commandments (and NO, the cartoon doesn't count...this would be a fresh retelling)
  • Jonah and the whale
  • Job's trials
  • Daniel in the lion's den
  • Joshua and the battle of Jericho
These are definitely socko-boffo stories, and given the current trend for over-the-top special effects for Broadway musicals, these could be pretty damned superb.

*thunder rumbles*...oops...sorry, Big Ernie.

Seriously, though...think about the possibilities...

  • Real LIONS for Daniel in the lions den every night!
  • Sigfried and Roy switching off playing Daniel!
  • Real whales onstage swallowing Jonah every night!
  • Real boils on Job's face!
  • Real battles on stage with a guaranteed number of casualties!
  • And BURNING BUSHES! (OK, I'll leave Lindsay Lohan out of it...)
Folks...I'm smellin' the sweet smell of biblical/Broadway success! Who's gonna help me with this? Sign on in the comments!

And with that, I'm gonna start workin' on this project. Tonys, here I come!

(PS: If I have offended someone, let me say this: I am a Christian. However, I also have a twisted sense of humor that I know is going to land me in Purgatory as a best-case scenario. My goal is not to offend or hurt anyone and make light of beliefs. If you have a complaint, please note it in the comments and I will do my best to address it.)