Monday, June 18, 2007

Fluff up my blog a little bit...

I've been having trouble coming up with new and fresh ideas for the ol' blog, you know?

I mean, it's been almost three years since I started this damned thing...oops...cherished tome of mine, and I need help. So in the interest of pulling myself up by my pitiful bootstraps, I did find some ideas. Please note that this blog provided the springboard for me, but please don't hold them responsible for the results.

1. Create a mission statement for your blog.

OK...first off, the term "mission statement" gives me hives. Seriously. Big ol' oozing hives. I know there are plenty of people that SWEAR by them, but I'm not one of them. Not by a LONG shot.


1) I don't really HAVE a mission. If you want to call a mission "Let's make fun of politicians, celebrities, and others that get put in the news for their conceit and/or stupidity" PLUS world/life observations from an overweight artificial redhead that has a chronic case of foot-in-mouth disease, then mission f'ing accomplished, baby!

2) If my mission is not apparent enough...thereby creating the need for a statement...then what the HELL is the point? Seriously. Come on! I've been doing this thing for about three years now (next month is the anniversary) so if I need to state it, then either the public ain't payin' attention OR I need to change my plan.

So...if I have to create a mission statement, here are some samples:

My mission: Forcing you to Read this blog or I will find your pets and sell them on the black market.

My mission: Convincing George Clooney and Cillian Murphy that they need to come to my house every day and give me massages and pep-talks about how attractive I am...whether they really think so or not.

My mission: Sitting around with my thumb up my a$$ thinking up mission statements.
Hey...I could get into this mission statement thing...but I won't.

Let's go to the next one...

2) Make a post simplifying a complex problem for your readers.

Now see...I've done this before, but for the life of me, I can't remember where the hell I put them.

3) Create a post that incorporates the words, “desperate” and “futile”.

Why do a whole post? I can do a sentence...

"In a desperate and futile attempt to convince George Clooney and Cillian Murphy that they need to spend quality time with me, Sudiegirl will be doing the Macarena (by herself as the rest of her friends are way too embarrassed) at the National Mall on Saturday afternoon. Bring pretzels."
4) Make a post that incorporates in the title the word “crossover”.

Well, here's the title, anyway...

"If you're on one side of the street and you want to get to the other, just cross over."

5) Write a tutorial.

What can I possibly teach the public on MY blog? I mean, come on - some days my blog is a salute to ignorance. What knowledge can I share? What gifts can I give? Well...maybe I have a couple.

**How to disguise your voice and throw off telemarketers/bill collectors/various relatives

**How to tell the difference between Don Messick, Daws Butler, John Stephenson and Mel Blanc. (for those who don't know who the hell I'm talking about, go to and find out.)

**How to create a persuasive campaign to get George Clooney and Cillian Murphy to come to my house and give me massages...wait, I need help with that one.
So on that note...I'm passin' the torch to you, fair readers! What can I do to make my blog entries more...uh...MORE?

I am not above the whole Macarena in the National Mall idea, so do your worst, folks.