Tuesday, April 03, 2007

A new cause for Rancho Sudiegirl!

You know, I am not immune to suffering and slights...especially if it can result in a new business venture for Rancho Sudiegirl, Inc.

I am saddened that the Miss America pageant (a veritable INSTITUTION in this country) has lost their second network. This is most tragic. I mean, I thought the Miss America pageant and CMT would go together like toes and jam and be BFF (best friends forever).

Apparently, that is not the case.

So in the interests of preserving this American tradition and making some dough, I would like to present the following option to the good folks at Miss America's corporate offices.

Here is how it will be worded:

Dear Big Kahunas at Miss America, Inc.:

Hey ho! I am Sudiegirl, the most utterly fab blogger here at Rancho Sudiegirl (actually, the only one, but that doesn't matter...).
I understand that once again, you all have been drop-kicked off another network.

You know, I feel your pain. I was once unceremoniously booted from the safety patrol in sixth grade so I feel your pain.
I've got some ideas for you, and I hope I will be amply rewarded.

1) First: Let's find a new network for you. Here are my ideas:

  • The Golf Channel. Why? 'Cause you can only watch SO MUCH GOLF.
  • Animal Planet. Why? Because the meerkats from "Meerkat Manor" want a cross-over project. However, don't tell Jeff Corwin...he'll want a piece of the Miss America pie too. (My God...I just realized how that sounds...forgive me, gentle readers.)
  • Boomerang...yes, folks, my favorite "antique cartoon channel". Why? One reason...color commentary by Shaggy and Scooby. "Zoinks!"
  • TBS or TNT. Why? A couple of reasons...Ted Turner needs to find a new girlfriend, and if he doesn't like the colors of the dresses, he can just colorize them to whatever he wants.
  • Style Network. Why? So they can also produce some catty, "we hate the way you dress"-type reality shows that are "Miss America Edition".
  • Univision. Why? Because (I think) they have that muppet-type thing on one of their game shows that could be the MC for the evening.

2) Cut down on production costs and let Rancho Sudiegirl, Inc. produce your pageant! There are many plus-es to this idea. Among them:
  • Experienced staff...my cat Millie knows how to run a video camera.
  • We can provide our own craft services...tuna sandwiches and Pringles for all! (Tootsie Rolls available on request)
  • Chelmsford can provide intermission entertainment: running, cowering, hiding under chairs and tables
  • I've got vacation time I need to burn
  • I can also sing whatever is sung when Miss America is picked (I assume that "The Lady Is A Tramp" is not a good choice, right?)
  • "Bedazzler" bead kits are on sale at the craft store, so now I have a legitimate reason to go.
I really hope you consider this idea...someone needs to take it seriously besides my cats and my psychologist. Keep in touch, who loves ya, and other showbiz crap like that... Sudiegirl

(If y'all have better ideas, I'd LOVE to hear 'em!)