Sunday, January 07, 2007

Oh - Who are the people in YOUR neighborhood? (First in an intermittent series)

Let me state this for the record - the picture to the left is the first image that came up in my browser when I typed the words "cowboy pimp".

I didn't really think there was such an animal, but apparently there is.
Now, the reason I bring up this little factoid is because D and I had quite an unusual sighting yesterday at breakfast.

For those unfamiliar, D is the fiance, and we usually dine at McDonalds for breakfast before we go to our therapy sessions on Saturday mornings.

We usually sit in the sunroom area of our neighborhood McDonalds, because the lighting is better and we can read the paper without doing TOO much squinting. However, yesterday we were seated in a different part of the restaurant. It turned out to be a good thing for us, because otherwise we would have missed the floor show.

Let me give you the vital stats of the gent we're talking about (and please understand - I am in NO WAY being racist in my descriptions - I am merely noting the humor of the situation that you will soon read about here).


  • African-American male
  • height = approximately 5'9"
  • short torso, long legs
  • heavy-set, but handsome face.

OK - so far, nothing weird. NOW...let me describe this guy's ensemble:


  • Black cowboy boots (pointy toes, stitching) WITH SPURS ATTACHED
  • Gray dress pants (pleats in the front, tapered legs) with black comb (oversized handle) in right rear slash pocket.
  • Long-sleeved, black, button-down shirt
  • BIG, GOLD, ISAAC HAYES - TYPE chain around his neck with approx. 4 in. long filigreed cross hanging off of it
  • gold-rimmed, oval glasses...flashy style...again, think Isaac Hayes
  • Black cowboy hat with red ribbon trim on the edge of the brim

In short, a "cowboy pimp". D and I did our best not to stare, we really did, but it was hard. The thing of it was, his wife was shall I say this...NORMALLY. She had on a two piece skirt suit in a medium gray, nice pumps, and a conservative hairdo. She wasn't his matching cowgirl or anything like that.

Of course, one of the curses of having an imagination like mine is the fact that all these little things run through your head. Let's look at a few, shall we?

  1. Theme song - "I Got Ho's That Jingle, Jangle, Jingle..."
  2. Pimp name: Huggy Lovealot, the Original Cowboy Pimp (which would be "OCP")
  3. Actor to play him in a movie: Cedric the Entertainer, Bernie Mac, or Dave Chappelle
  4. Movie title: see #2
  5. Soundtrack to movie: Prince (come on - he'd have fun with this...)

So now, if we do the whole movie thing, here's the opening shot for y'all:

Opening shot: Sunrise over the

There is a shadow of a cowboy astride a horse that morphs into a
big black horse with tailfins and a diamond/gold studded saddle.

"Baby Got Back" is blaring from specially-installed speakers on
the bridle.

The cowboy is wearing a black diamond-encrusted Stetson with "OCP"
on the front in sterling silver. His duster and silk suit underneath is made by Armani, and he's wearing alligator boots with spurs.

Announcer: "In a town where women are as scarce as
deodorant, one man will save them all...Huggy Lovealot, the Original Cowboy Pimp..."

Cut to six ample-chested saloon gals doing the booty call on the
main street of Dodge City...

And the rest just writes itself...