Monday, December 11, 2006

Marathon Monday...

Today in history:

On Dec. 11, 1936, Britain's King Edward VIII abdicated the throne in order to marry American divorcee Wallis Warfield Simpson.

(Wow - that was almost a month after my dad was born. Huh...let's just hope there are no un-informed folks asking if Wallis Simpson is Homer's dad...)

In 1928, police in Buenos Aires, Argentina, announced they had thwarted an attempt on the life of President-elect Herbert Hoover.
(Hmmm...that's another interesting one. I didn't think President Hoover merited an assassination attempt outside the US...after all, many folks had to lived in shanty towns that were nicknamed "Hoovervilles" because of the Depression, and the theory that he caused it. But maybe it's not a theory...could someone enlighten me?)

In 1991, a jury in West Palm Beach, Fla., acquitted William Kennedy Smith of sexual assault and battery, rejecting the allegations of Patricia Bowman.
(I was in paralegal school when this verdict came down, and I was PISSED. I was learning that lawyers will try to find every loophole to protect their client, but something tells me that the Kennedy family bought some of them. I also remember when William Kennedy Smith was on the stand being questioned by the prosecution, and he was asked the question, "Does the word NO mean anything to you?" Apparently not, since he's done it again and settled out of court, etc. I don't think I'd wish a date with him on my worst enemy. I'd advocate Ted Kennedy before "sweet Willie".)

First things first:

To date, Moreno is one of the few individuals that has won an Oscar, a Tony, an Emmy, and a Grammy. In short, she kicks ass and takes names. She rocks. She can sing, dance, act and crack jokes that are HILARIOUS!!!! Plus, she was in two of my favorite musicals: "West Side Story" and "Singin' In The Rain".

I'm sorry I've been away - the weekend was a little rough. It was busy, and my therapy session was a bit more intense than I expected. I spent most of the day yesterday curled into a ball trying to sleep. Anyway, I'm back.

Also, you'll notice a new resident on my sidebar. I admit, I cheated and nominated myself (but they gave permission to do so on their blog), but I didn't think they'd actually come LOOK at my blog. On Sunday, December 10th, my blog was nominated "Blog of the Day". To quote Sally Field, "You LIKE me! You really LIKE me!"

Seriously, though, thanks to Blog of the Day for consideration, and I will wear your button with pride. Check out the blogs they select...they are pretty cool!

Ladies and gentlemen, the newest award from Rancho Sudiegirl, Inc...the "Be Adequite." Today's first winner - Lindsay "Take Me To Detox PLEASE" Lohan!

Ah - mis-spellings are so cute when they come from a little bimbette like Lindsay Lohan, right?

So what does it mean when a little skank like Lindsey decides that ol' Al Gore is going to help her? And help her with WHAT, exactly? To quote the article:

The club-hopping 20-year-old actress said in an e-mail to friends that she is preparing to clean up her image and take on the media with the help of a friend — former Vice President Al Gore.

"Al Gore will help me. He came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me," Lohan wrote in a rambling letter riddled with misspellings that she sent to friends and associates. Portions of the e-mail were published in the New York Post.

"If he [Gore] is willing to help me, let's find out. Hilary [sic] Clinton, Bill Clinton,
and Evan Metroplis [sic], and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK."

Lohan told friends of a desire to "release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite [sic] letter to the press" and spoke of "how our society should be educated for the better of our country."

Ms. Lohan's publicist said "no comment", which means, "Oh, Jesus, I've got to do damage control again...where's the phone?"

Meanwhile, here's what Al's camp has to say:

A person who works for Gore told that he was not aware that the former vice president had met Lohan, but a Gore spokesman did confirm the encounter to, a celebrity Web site.

"I can confirm for you that Mr. Gore has only met Ms. Lohan once, very briefly, at the GQ Men of the Year dinner last week," the spokesman told "There
were hundreds of other guests." are two scenarios I've worked out. One is called "the high road" and the other is "the typical male low road".

In the first scenario, we have Lindsay Lohan coming off of a three day bender. Let's just say her drug ingestion would make Keith Richards say, "Damn, girl! Tone it down a little bit."

So anyway, she's burning off the Narcan that was injected into her system at the emergency room, plus she managed to find the restroom but didn't take a shower because she couldn't figure out how it worked.

Next, she staggers to the elevator - her dress barely covers her rear end but she does have underwear on and she's pretty sure it's hers. She's also fairly certain it's not on backwards. She gets in the elevator, closes one eye so the double vision doesn't get in the way of her reading ability (which is quite scarce but hey - that's the way it is), and MAGICALLY pushes the correct floor after missing the keypad eight times.

Finally, she reaches the lobby and manages to throw up a little in her mouth only once. She finds the restaurant where Al is waiting. She arrives at the table, and he's armed and ready with a PowerPoint presentation, a flip chart, brochures, and a bran muffin.

The second version is basically the same, but he has handcuffs in his pocket and a cassette tape with Barry White's greatest hits.

But seriously, WHAT? I'm just stunned at all this - really. How the HELL is Al going to be of assistance? He's all about global warming these days; he's not a spin doctor for barely adult ho-bags. He's Mr. Clean for sure, but it's not because of any spin doctoring - it's because he's boring as hell. Cute, but boring. (Yeah, I said Gore is cute - shut the hell up.)

Hell, Hillary C. has already had to say, "No, I didn't tell Lindsay that I'd go with her on a USO tour. I told her she needs to get lost. If that's how she interprets it, too bad," or something of that nature (and really, a representative said it on her behalf, so she can wash her hands of it.) And you KNOW Bill is just chompin' at the bit to give her some career advice...with cigar in hand and a cassette of Barry White's greatest hits (he borrowed it from Al's second scenario).

So, Lindsay dear, it's easier to get spin control if you don't have bedspins...just say it..."I have a substance abuse program and I need massive counseling. I've admitted I have a problem, and I'm checking into Betty Ford ASAP. Now if you'll excuse me, I have two more lines of coke to snort."

Ah - Hollyweird.


Finally, a story of a little girl, her doll, and a derogatory term for females.

If you click above, you'll read a shocking tale of a little girl and her brand new Little Mermaid doll. To quote the article:

It's supposed to say sweet things to little girls like, "You're a wonderful friend," but push its button the wrong way and the Little Mermaid Shimmering Lights Ariel doll may say something else — "You're a slut," according to a California mother whose allegation came to light in a newspaper report.

The doll's manufacturer, Mattel, doesn't believe it's possible, and a company spokeswoman said the complaint by Stephanie Herrera of San Jose, Calif. — first reported in the San Jose Mercury News — is the only one it's heard of.

Basically, she bought the doll for her three-year-old daughter, and the daughter was pushing the button fast so she could get to the singing part. Instead of the song, she got "You're a slut."

Hehehehehehe - I'm sorry, that's funny to me.


Because this is just proof that "The Little Mermaid" is evil.

Let me lay it out for you - when I was dating my first husband in college, we went to see "The Little Mermaid".

I liked it OK, but I didn't go over the moon for it. My first husband - that's a different story.

Within a few days, he bought the soundtrack to "Little Mermaid". He memorized all the songs - and the man CAN'T SING!!!!!!!!! I mean, he honest to God can't carry a tune in a lead-lined bucket with a lid.

When it came out on video, OF COURSE he bought the tape. He watched it - and watched it - and watched it some more.

It got to the point that my family (mostly to torment me) gave him AND ME "Little Mermaid" accessories. Bath towels, a little kid's travel toothbrush (I couldn't turn it down because my niece Courtney toddled up and gave it to me...I'm a sucker), tchotchkes with that little red-haired slut's picture on them...GRRRRRRRR.

Of course, it didn't help that my first spouse really liked redheads, and when we were married, I was not a redhead. By the time I colored my hair, he left my sorry ass. Oh well...

So all this bad press surrounding Ariel is making me SMILE like a FOOL.


In the "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!" last, a reason to watch the Super Bowl next year. (I know I said it previously, but I really mean it this time.)

My boy PRINCE will be playin' the half-time show!!!!! (Jules, I'm so sorry you don't like him - but hey - different strokes. And BOY, I'd be cool with Prince's strokes...uh...whoops. Little too much information there.)

However, one thing disturbs quote the article:

It's unlikely Prince will have problems with censors from the network and the National Football League. He has become a Jehovah's Witness and disavowed the kinkier tunes that make up a hefty chunk of his catalog.

Well, that's good for TV purposes, I guess. However, for concerts when I really feel the need to hear "It" or the full version of "If I Was Your Girlfriend", it will be a bleak and empty day.

Oh least I can still get the CDs and lay back, remembering those immortal words - "You could be the president, I could be the pope - you could be the side effects, I could be the dope" as well as "Sexy MF" in its entirety.

(BTW, if you feel like you haven't sinned enough in the past week to get the full effect of church on a Sunday, listen to an old-school Prince album. That'll put the "s" in "sin" right there.)

And finally, the inevitable Thought for Today:

"The people who think they are happy should rummage through their dreams."
— Edward Dahlberg, American author and critic (1900-1977).

Sudiegirl's response:

If I rummaged through my dreams, I might find where I put my keys...and also, Al Capone's vault and Jimmy Hoffa's corpse.