Farfergnugen Friday (did I spell Farfergnugen right?)

Today in history:

On Dec. 8, 1980, rock star John Lennon was shot to death outside his New York City apartment building by an apparently deranged fan.

(I remember this vividly - I was in the 6th grade and a special report came on TV announcing the murder. I remember feeling sad about it because he had just done an interview on "20/20" and was making a comeback. I thought it was unfair, even though Lennon wasn't one of my favorite Beatles.)



Well...I knew the news wouldn't let me down! I've got three news stories to "opine" about. BTW, I took off the automatic welcome sound thing off this blog, so you won't have to be annoyed by it. Sorry about that - I thought it had a function so you could turn the player off, but I were wrong. I are sorry.

Before the news, here are some fab questions from Yahoo! Answers...I'm really having fun with these things, you know? Here we go!

What do you do about "The Annoying Guy" at work?

Yahoo's best answer:

Pray for Him ( if you pray ). Also, tell him he's annoying. He deserves honesty about how his ridiculous behavior is annoying everbody. After all, If no one is letting him know he's ridiculous, he may think everyone likes him. Tell him he sucks at singing if he does, but if he's a good singer, tell him he's a good singer but that doesn't give him the right to touch everyone. It's very couragous to be honest to people. It is so much easier to follow the herd and gossip. This guy has a family somewhere you know, so treat him like you would want your dad or husband or son to be treated at their work.

Sudiegirl's response?
Two words - RESTRAINING ORDER

Next:

How do you feel about WHITE FEMINIST causing an increase in the divorce rate?

Yahoo's best answer:
you think you're smart but you're not

Sudiegirl's response:

Well, I think your statement is ambiguous - how about making that "white feminist" phrase plural before posting to a site that everyone in the world can laugh at?

PS: BTW, to address the comment you made to the conjurer of Yahoo's Best Answer: Uh - what's up with tossing "whore" around as an all-purpose descriptor? Shows me that you have a limited vocabulary, my man...

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OK, folks - it's AWARDS TIME!

First up: "Blinded Me With Science" Award.


Designees: Researchers at the U.S. Naval Research Laboratory in Washington - specifically, biochemist Ellen Goldman at the Naval Research Laboratory with virologist Andrew Hayhurst at the Southwest Foundation for Biomedical Research and their colleagues.

Reason: The discovery that llama blood can detect when a biological weapon is unleashed by enemy forces. To quote the article:

If terrorists ever unleashed a biological weapon, unusual molecules normally found in the blood of llamas could quickly help warn of the attack, scientists now report.

Researchers at the U.S. Naval Research Laboratory in Washington and their colleagues experimented with antibodies, which act as the red flags and magic bullets of the body's personal defense arsenal.

Every antibody is a complex protein tailored to clamp onto a specific target. Immune cells in the blood and lymph use antibodies either to identify enemies for attacks or to directly bind to and neutralize intruders.

Apparently, llama antibodies (as well as shark and camel antibodies) are heavy chains of protein. This makes their antibodies more durable than more complex structures. What happened at the Naval Research Lab? Here's what the article says:

The researchers generated more than a billion kinds of antibody binding regions in the laboratory based on genes taken from small blood samples from llamas.

After testing their antibodies against various biological threats, the researchers found they could within days successfully identify antibodies targeting cholera toxin, a smallpox virus surrogate and ricin, among other known menaces.

In short, this discovery leads to an early warning system against biological warfare.

Judge's comments:

Well, I want to know this...how do they get the blood from the llamas? Last I heard, they're mean as hell. They spit at the slightest provocation (not unlike myself some days). So how, pray tell, does this work?

If it's a dangerous activity, then I'd like to nominate some folks to extract said llama blood. Give me a call, you lab folks...let's talk.

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Next, the "Egg-Suckin' Dog" award...
Designee: Unknown woman on an American Airlines flight bound for Dallas from Washington, D.C.

Reason: Lighting matches to cover her farts.

To quote the article:

NASHVILLE, Tenn., Dec 6 (Reuters Life!) - It may be one problem airline security officials never envisioned -- a passenger lighting matches in flight to mask odors from her flatulence.

The woman's actions resulted in an emergency landing on Monday in Nashville of an American Airlines flight bound for Dallas from Washington, D.C., said Lynne Lowrance, a spokeswoman for Nashville's airport.

Apparently, several passengers reported the scent of burning matches to flight attendants. However, when the Fart Lady was confronted with this claim, she didn't want to say anything. Her silence resulted in the plane being grounded and everyone exiting the plane while special K9 forces went in to check everything out. The whole process took three hours.

Double plus bonus: To quote the article -

The woman was not allowed back on the flight and barred from flying on American Airlines, Lowrance said.

"Since there was no malice involved and the incident was accidental, she was not charged with anything," she said.

Judge's comments:

Here's where the remainder of my weirdness radar goes off. The article states that this is American Airlines' policy regarding matches:

Passengers are permitted four books of paper safety matches on a plane but cannot light them during flight, Lowrance said.

What?????

In this age (post 9/11), they'll search your shoes and your damned toothpaste for bombs, but they are going to let the average Jane or Joe bring four packs of paper matches with them? I've heard many stupid things in my life...really...I have.

And it's supposed to placate the public that even though four packs of paper matches are permissible on an American Airlines flight, you aren't allowed to actually light them??? Never mind that (from what I understand) smoking is prohibited on all major airlines...by Christ, we can still have our matches!!!

This is the dumbest policy that I ever heard.

As for The Fart Queen, uh - what was SHE thinking? She was flying in from my area (DC Metro), so she knows how tight security is these days. Dissipating a fart by lighting a match? If anything, I'd think that farts would be more combustible than anything because they're comprised of a little bit of methane, right? Has this lady not heard of going to the restroom?

I wonder how she explained this if someone was awaiting her arrival in Dallas, TX? Here's my "re-enactment" of it:

"Hello, Frank? This is Ethel. Yeah...well, about that 6:30 PM flight? Uh - I'm not going to make it. Why? Uh...well...I got...uh...removed from the flight. Stop yelling at me...yeah, it was my gas again...I know I shouldn't have stopped at Taco Bell but they had a special...PLEASE quit screaming at me...well, they didn't kick me off the flight for the gas. Why did they kick me off? Well, you remember how Daddy used to make his farts disappear? STOP YELLING AT ME! I KNOW he died as a result...yeah...I can't fly on American Airlines anymore, but on the bright side, I'm not going to jail...hello? Hello?"

In short, buy anti-flatulence remedies. Also, staple air-fresheners all over your clothes or something. Just don't light a match. If I see you on an airplane lighting a match, I will slap you into next week and then snitch on your ass. Don't f**k with my flight.

We also have two "Buttheads" today. Designees: St. Clair County Circuit Judge Patrick Young, 58, and Chief Judge Jan Fiss, 64.

Reason: Well...how do I put this? Let's just have the quote from the article outline it:

BELLEVILLE, Ill. - A judge driving with his boss was charged with drunken driving after a wreck that sent another motorist to the hospital, and the other judge was seen by an officer pouring out a can of beer, police said.

Yep - Judge Young was driving under the influence, and his passenger, Judge Fiss, was drinking a can of beer in the backseat. And then something happened to harsh their collective buzzes:

St. Clair County Circuit Judge Patrick Young, 58, was handcuffed and arrested and charged with drunken driving after the Sunday crash, about 20 miles from St. Louis. He refused a sobriety test, authorities said.

Another officer, Jeffrey Sheary, reported seeing Young's passenger, Chief Judge Jan Fiss, 64, pour out an open beer can on the road and try to hide it in his coat.

In his report, Belleville police Patrolman Shane Brown said Young was apparently turning left in his sport utility vehicle when he entered the path of a pickup truck. Its driver, Abel Muhammad, 39, was trapped in the wreckage and later hospitalized complaining of a broken leg.

Brown reported detecting "a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage" on Young's breath. He wrote Young "also had glassy, red bloodshot eyes."

Judge Young also refused a sobriety test, which leads to a six-month suspension of your driver's license in Illinois. The charges against Judge Fiss are up in the air.

Double Plus Bonus: There are two of them.

1. Judge Young faces a misdemeanor DUI charge of a max sentence of one year and $1000 in fines.

2. He was turning left, he got in the path of a pickup truck, and the other party (Abel Muhammad, 39) was trapped in the wreckage and complained of a broken leg.

Judge's comments:

Oh boy. Where do I begin?

I just love it when judges get nailed for stuff like this in a way. Don't get me wrong - I'm OK with the judicial system, it's just the "professionals" that populate it get on my last nerve.

I know of at least two people whose relatives were killed in drunk-driving accidents. One was a former boss - his daughter was trick-or-treating, and she was hit by a drunk driver who ran up on the sidewalk! Her brothers were injured, and the accident shattered my boss's life for a long time afterward.

My first husband was nailed by a drunk driver, and he wasn't killed but his car was totaled. I remember the hassles we had filing a claim and the run-around that the other party's insurance company gave us. It turned out that the driver of the car wasn't even the owner or on the policy as a driver! The drunk driving charge - well, I don't remember what happened to that specifically, but I know he went to jail at least for the night. It turned out we weren't the only ones nailed by this guy - I worked for a claims office, and two weeks after our accident, another woman was hit by the same guy in the same vehicle.

You would think people would know better. Especially those who are designated to determine punishment for charges like this.

All I can say is maybe those two gents should get an apartment with Judge Donald Thompson when he gets out of jail, and then maybe they can deliver pizzas or something.

One final thought for the day:

"The unknown is what it is. And to be frightened of it is what sends everybody scurrying around chasing dreams, illusions, wars, peace, love, hate, all that. Unknown is what it is. Accept that it's unknown and it's plain sailing."
— John Lennon (1940-1980).

Sudiegirl's response:

Yeah. What he said.