Monday-ne...

First of all...results.

The results are in as far as future love matches for Britney Spears and K-Fed.

As far as K-Fed's lady love, the front runner turned out to be - SURPRISE -

TONYA HARDING!!!!!

Second place, with two votes - Barbara Walters!

There was a three-way tie for third place, between Paris Hilton, Jennifer "Runaway Bride" Wilbanks, and Dame Edna Everage, with one vote each. (I'm glad someone finally stepped up to the plate and voted for Edna...I was beginning to worry about our democratic society for a minute there.)

The race for Britney's hand - well, that was a bit more heartbreaking.

The "TOP DOG ON BRITNEY'S PORCH"!? Say it loud, say it proud, y'all...



BOBBY BROWN, with three votes!

Second place? Wilford Brimley, with two votes.

Third place...Donald Fagen from "Steely Dan", with one vote (which, I must admit, was mine).

But here's the most heartbreaking note - neither Bocephus nor Eddie Deezen got ANY VOTES!!

Come on folks. Where on earth could you find two more really interesting guys of this nature? After all, Deezen is a Scientologist, just like Tom Cruise. And Hank Williams Jr., well...he likes to beat up wait staff, and he's got a mug shot just like Bobby Brown does! What's the problem? Hell, I'd bet ya dollars to donuts that Bocephus says "Whoops, I did it again," but the word "Damn" or "Shee-it" might be inserted to replace "whoops" so he don't sound like a girly-man.

So ya know...holiday miracles do happen.

Second order of business?

You know, with all the political unrest in the world...all the hatred...all the prejudice...it's nice to know when a mega star like Elton John has to barf.

Maybe a world-wide "puke alert" should be in order? YES!

OH...the wheels are turning at Rancho Sudiegirl, Inc., now! So here's what I'm gonna do...I'm going to write to the major newswire peoples like so:

Dear Big Wigs at Associated Press:

Hi! I would like to thank you very much for the "celebrity upchuck alert" regarding Elton John, from his Brisbane, Australia concert over the weekend.

I mean, WOW! That's full service!

I'm not sure how you can top that, but little ol' me would like to help you in your quest.

I think that from now on, if a celebrity barfs, a special report should be televised. You may scoff, but I've been thinking about this.

Here's the scenario...say you're sitting at home after a long day of work, watching "Friends" for the zillionth time. All of a sudden, the screen of your TV starts to flash...you hear flushing toilets, and a nice little news anchor comes on the screen to let you know that a celebrity has indeed barfed.

If there's security camera access to the barfing as it occurs, that'd be extra spiff, but sometimes description alone is enough to satisfy the masses.

I really think that if the Associated Press can maintain this level of quality in coverage of the mundane, ultimately private things that the general public doesn't even know about, who knows what might happen with actual IMPORTANT news items? Gotta start at the bottom sometimes. I've even designed your logo...take a look!

Let me know if I can be of extra help to you. Thanks! Sudiegirl

Well...that's my contribution to society for this day...and yet somehow, I feel empty. (Maybe because of the "spew news"?)

OK...enough of that. Let's talk about other stuff.

Finally, Michael Richards spent his first Monday of the Christmas shopping season asking forgiveness on Jesse Jackson's radio show. However, I am tired of talking about him to a certain degree. I'll just end this entry with a thought for the day:

Thought for Today: "Nothing is more despicable than a professional talker who uses his words as a quack uses his remedies." — Francois Fenelon, French theologian (1651-1715).

Can you say "apropos"? I knew you could.

Back to business tomorrow, folks...