Thursday, November 09, 2006

Love and Laughter in the Beltway...

Bush and Pelosi.

OK - I usually don't get political on this blog, but I have been reading about this stuff and here's my question:

Why does this seem like a Bickersons type of romance, where barbed statements fly back and forth? Not to undermine the colossal marriage that exists between Dubya and his lovely lady Laura, but I can honestly say that it seems that way.

Come on! Snotty comments between two people (no matter what their gender preference) has "romance" written all over it. Kindergarteners call each other "poopyhead" and throw blunt objects at one another in their pursuit of love. This is just a more civilized/poli-sci/Beltway version of it. From the article, which can be read in full here, we have the following comments attributed to Ms. Pelosi:

Pelosi's criticism of Bush occasionally veered into the personal. "Oblivious, in denial, dangerous," she said of him in early September, referring to his administration's bungled response to Hurricane Katrina. The president "is an incompetent leader — in fact he's not a leader," Pelosi said in 2004, referring to his Iraq policies.

"`Stay the course' is not a strategy, it's a slogan, and we need more than that," she said in June in a jab at how Bush once described his approach to the war.

Meanwhile, here are Dubya's actions/reactions:

Bush rarely referred to Pelosi by name. But in speeches during the campaign he made "the person who wants to be speaker of the House" — an idea that had him once snapping that "that's not going to happen" to an interviewer — the poster child for all he saw wrong with Democrats.

Noting that she voted against renewing the USA Patriot Act, creating a
Homeland Security Department, authorizing a warrantless wiretapping program and questioning terrorists in the way he had proposed, the president said, "Given the record of Democrats on our nation's security, I understand why they want to change the subject."

Because of Democratic calls for an Iraq exit strategy, Bush accused them of believing "the best way to protect the American people is wait until we're attacked again."

See? Romance in bloom!

And now they're going to dine together. Again, from the article:

WASHINGTON - He mocked her as "a secret admirer" of tax cuts and an opponent of measures crucial to keeping Americans safe, warning that "terrorists win and America loses" if her Democrats prevailed on Election Day. She called him dangerous and in denial, an "emperor with no clothes" who has misled the country about Iraq and presided over an economy that still fails many. Now, President Bush and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi are making nice.

Within hours of an election that puts Democrats in charge of the House and the Senate for the final two years of Bush's presidency, the president and the woman all but certain to be House speaker proclaimed reconciliation.

It started with what both described as a gracious phone call early Wednesday and, at Bush's invitation, continues over lunch on Thursday.

Now, I am not a frequent customer at posh dining establishments...I don't eat anywhere that doesn't take coupons. But I've seen enough movies to picture the setting. Low lights...plush chairs...the soft clinking of silver against china...soft laughter and conversation circling around the room...tuxedoed maitre-d's escorting couples to their tables. Dubya and Pelosi are escorted to their reserved spot by a dapper looking maitre-d named Pierre. I envision the dialogue to go something like this:

Dubya: Thanks a lot, Pete. Here's a crisp new dollar for ya.

Pierre: (sneering slightly at the one-spot in his hand) Thank you, monsieur President. Enjoy your...lunch. (Turns on his heel and stomps away)

(haltingly) Uh...Mr. President...don't you think you should have given him a little more than a dollar? Wait staff don't make very much as a rule. (shifts her weight slightly, uncomfortable)

Now see? You're just thinkin' small again. Sit down, you purty little filly. (Pulls out chair for Pelosi, who gracefully sits.)

The conversation begins with small talk, then shifts to politics (not surprising).

Dubya: You know, I was purty embarrased by that "emperor with no clue" statement you made.

Actually, Mr. President, it was "emperor with no clothes".

: Whatever...the point is, all that talk is over now. We're gonna git along like a house afire.

I never understood that phrase.

(speaking louder and slower) I SAID "WE'RE GON-NA GIT ALONG LIKE A HOUSE A FIRE".

(sighs, shakes head) Never mind. So, what's your strategy on Iraq?

(thoughtfully) Yeah, you got a nice rack all right. Not as good as Laura's, but I could still hang my hat on it.

(Angrily, yet keeping her cool) What did you say?

(confused) What did I say?

(voiceover of Pelosi, as if we can hear her thoughts - "Was he dropped on his head as a child?")

(voiceover of Dubya - "Yeah, she digs me.")

Their meals arrive, and they continue discussions as they eat.

Dubya: You know what's the problem with you Demm-y-crats?

(rolling eyes) Oh, here we go...

Dubya: No, no, now, wait a minute...hear me out...the problem is that your morals are all skewed up.

(exasperated) What?

Yeah. You got ol' Teddy Kennedy driving cars into lakes, Bill Clinton doin' stuff with cee-gars, Jack Kennedy buyin' votes...hey, now, wait a minute...maybe I should switch? Naw...then I'd have to give back my "Gilley's" tee-shirt. He's in Texas, you know.

(as if to a small child) Yes, I know where Mickey Gilley is, Mr. President. However, to be fair, Republicans aren't a whole lot better in this day and age. Your party disowns everything it's responsible for. I think you should change your party's name to "Denialicans".

(whips out a pen and begins to write on the cloth napkins) How d'ya spell that?

: (Rolls eyes, shakes head again) Never mind...I'm going about this all wrong...We're never going to agree on anything, are we?

Well, now - that's the most logimical thing I've ever heard all damn day. My goodness, you got purty eyes.

(blushing in spite of herself) Why, Mr. President...I didn't know you had a tender side.

(stretching)'s the same side that has my appenmodectomy scar. See? (Lifts up shirt to show scar...Pelosi looks at it with a mixture of revulsion, fascination, and deep-seated passion.)

Mr. President...that's...well, words fail me.

(Dubya voiceover: "Yeah, she REALLY digs me.")

Mr. President...if you can fit it into your schedule...maybe we could go to my place for further (looks at him passionately) QUIET discussion?

Sure...hope you don't mind the Secret Service comin' over. They like to watch.

(devilishly) Oh REALLY?

Ah yes...the state of American politics plays out just like a Harlequin romance. At least, in my mind it does...