Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Dis Dat and Da Udder

First, don't forget to check out the NaBloWriMo site in my toolbar...we're small but mighty. The blogs (yes, including mine, I'm an attention hog, go figure...) are all GREAT!!!

It's been a little while since we talked about this...in Saturday's post, I mentioned my ideas for an Ugly Person Contest. I asked for feedback, and I've only heard from one person so far.

That person is the mighty Des.

Her choices for host, pageant location, judge and sponsor are (and her remarks are noted in bold):

1. Host: Carrot Top. He's pretty damn ugly himself.
(Editor's note...what's up with him being buff all of a sudden? It wouldn't be so bad if he wouldn't tweeze his eyebrows.)

2. Locale: Toledo (Ohio). It's not such an ugly place, but it's just kind of blah. Fits.

3. Judge: Fred Willard. I think he could be nice about it.

4. Sponsor: Home Depot. Makeup would just make the contestants feel bad. Ben & Jerry's is owned by some giant corporation now anyway..

So what are you all afraid of? Get in there and let me know your thoughts!


Now, the burning question...

Will Bill and Hillary start bloggin'?

Yes, like the panda bear in China (read here for refresher), Bill and Hillary Clinton may be ridin' the blog train.

This is an interesting concept. I mean, everyone's blogging these days so it's not surprising. Not in the least.

But considering how HUGE Bill's biography was, he's going to have to be a little more concise. (And according to some review sites, if I'M long winded, God knows how they're going to take Bill's digital tome.)

Actually, this is a great opinion peace...it talks about the pros and cons of political blogging, and in this day and age, blogs are ever-present in our world. I'm not sure how many blogs are started every day, but I'm sure they're in the thousands.

Certain issues follow Hillary too. Will she ignore or attack the "leftblogs"? Will she co-opt the "leftblogs" with her own opinions?

In the interest of bloggerhood and one big shiny happy blogosphere, here are some hints I'll give Hillary and Bill out of the goodness of my heart. Here we go:

1. Don't submit your blog for critique by a certain group of sycophantic skanks/dorks/wannabees. Unless you want to be called strange combinations of profane words and general slams, I'd say steer clear.

2. Don't hotlink (as in copy link locations for pictures). That's illegal. I learned that from the skanks, and it was one of the few useful pieces of advice they gave me.

3. Do use Sitemeter for stats and Haloscan for comments. You can color-coordinate that way! (See...I think of everything).

4. Do create a good, clean sidebar...and make sure you list ME on your blogroll.

5. In your own best interest, do moderate your comments. If you get one that's just plain gross, or an advertisement for Viagra (well, maybe Bill would be interested), I'd say delete it. You can also block certain IP addresses from making comments, which would be pretty fun to do to Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson. I'd say take it easy on Jimmy Swaggart because he's Jerry Lee Lewis' cousin and he plays damn good piano.

So there's my advice for the Clintons. How about you, gentle readers? If Bill and Hillary start joining us in the blogosphere, what advice would you give?


And finally, this little gem from the "Does one extend the pinky while chugging champagne?" files...

Believe it or not, there are courses that may or may not be necessary for life. (I could include things like high school PE courses, but I got a "D" the first time I said that and I don't know what will happen this time so...you know...)

Apparently, the "posh girls" of Great Britain will be learning how to be sleazy, courtesy of Debrett's Peerage and Baronetage and its helpful guide, Debrett's Correct Form.

Uh...yeah. I didn't think you had to take a course, but apparently some sweet, over-privileged English girls (and the etiquette teachers who brainwash - er, train - them feel differently. To quote the article:

LONDON (Reuters) - For hundreds of years, Debrett's has guided Britain's aristocracy through the niceties of meeting royalty, going to the races or eating soup in the correct way. Now the publishers of the bible of blue-blooded behavior are straying into previously unmentionable areas of the life of a modern girl -- with a new book offering guidance on adultery, toplessness and celebrity gossip.

Now I tells ya, this is really surprising. And you know what? This is actually a positive thing for Americans. In true American fashion, WE SET THE TREND.

Thanks to ho-bags like Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, this country's facilitation of skank-like behavior has traveled "across the pond" to our British neighbors. And it's a good thing too.


Because Great Britain, in their inimitable way, have REFINED the art of sleaze. Here are some of their helpful hints, according to the article:

The book's advice ranges from how to conduct a sleaze-free office fling or a disease-free one night stand, to how to smoke at social occasions and what to do when you meet a celebrity. "Avoid dark-alley gropery and unladylike fumbling in the back of a cab," the guide says on the subject of one night stands. "Discuss the necessaries to avoid planting any love children or disease, and you're away."

On smoking it decrees: "Always use a proper ashtray -- never a wine bottle, flower pot or used plate -- and avoid allowing smoke to billow out of the nostrils. It is also inelegant to leave the cigarette unsupported in the mouth..."

The rationale behind all this? Again, a quote:

The core values of Debrett's remain -- elegance, composure and dignity are all important, whether you are dining with the Queen or cheating on your husband. "We are trying to give girls confidence to behave in the correct way," she told Reuters. "It's a bit like a survival guide for modern life, so we have had to include certain subject matters that are new for Debrett's."

So hats off to the posh girls of Great Britain...and maybe Debrett's will include a section on whether it's proper for a young lady's knees to go behind her ears.

So on that note, have a damn good Tuesday!