Whatsamatta Wednesday, excuses excuses, and another International Butthead!

Feds agree to review rare Nev. butterfly
(Her name is Bambi, and she likes hot tubs, long walks on the beach, and satin sheets.)














Spain warns of new jellyfish invasion
(OK...I know this is serious...but I just have these images in my head of a "Godzilla" type movie with people running and screaming everywhere and the jellyfish oozing down the street in hot pursuit. Can you blame me?)











Just another happy day in the life. The heat wave has broken (at least for now) and life is pretty good thus far. But I've still got news stuff to share, so here I go...


From the "Steroids, The Blame Game, and You" Department:

I normally don't keep up with sports, but this definitely has me intrigued. For those of you (like myself, until today) who have been focusing on other aspects of current events, Floyd Landis flunked a drug test for the Tour De France. Last night, Landis was on "The Tonight Show" and was questioned heavily about this. I'll quote the article (which explains what's happened to Landis) directly (and another article that says basically the same thing is here:)

Both of Landis' "A" and "B" samples taken after that stage turned up a testosterone/epitestosterone ratio of 11:1 far in excess of the 4:1 limit. Further tests also showed that the samples contained synthetic testosterone, indicating that it was from an outside source.

Landis keeps saying that he's innocent. Among his reasons, again, quoted from the article:

cortisone shots taken for pain in his degenerating hip; drinking beer and whiskey the night before; thyroid medication; his natural metabolism; and dehydration

He offered still another new theory:

"Now there's also the possibility, and it's an argument that has been used by other people. At this point, I don't know if it's somehow or some way I ingested something that caused the tests to be that way."

He added, "And I'm beginning to wonder about this myself after the way the situation's been handled, is that after the (sample) leaves my hands ... after I give them the sample, I don't know where it goes."

OK...some of it I buy, some of it I don't. Any way you slice it, though, he's going to need more excuses. After all, variety is the spice of life.

Therefore, we at Rancho Sudiegirl (consisting of myself, Millie and Chelmsford) have decided to provide more excuses for Mr. Landis.

Without further ado, here are more excuses for Mr. Landis. Please know, sir, that you may use these reasons free of charge because we at Rancho Sudiegirl live to give.

1. Blame another celebrity.
Example: "I blame...(insert celebrity here)."

You may select any celebrity you like.

Some suggestions: Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, William Shatner, Elton John, William Hung (a personal favorite of yours truly), or Tony Danza (a personal scapegoat of Mr. Fabulous). Blaming the president or vice president (or both - hell, live it up!) is also a good, solid choice.

Of course, feel free to choose for yourself - just don't pick someone that is dead. Then people just think you're crazy.

2. Blame it on some kind of childhood/teenage thing.
Did someone in your kindergarten class push you at the drinking fountain? Were you stood up for senior prom? You may not know it, but these incidents can be quite helpful for your defense. Just think - you're one wedgie or purple nurple away from your champion status!

3. Blame the Weather Conditions:
Was the wind with you or against you? Was there a chill in the air? Too humid? High Pollen Count? These factors can also be a boon to your defense.

4. Blame the parents!
Ah...a classic. Mom was controlling, Dad was passive - or the other way around.

(**Note: In no way am I condoning or making light of any type of child abuse...I know too many people who have suffered from it.)

Maybe Mommy didn't let you stay out past dark to finish that important kickball game, or she showed baby pictures of you to your first girlfriend - and you were NAKED in them.

Maybe Dad couldn't understand why you had to ride your bike all over the place instead of playing football like the other kids.

Either way, blaming the parent is also a sure-fire way to earn sympathy.

5. A classic method:
Blame the one armed man. If you want to honor the memory of "The Fugitive", the one armed man is key.

And is it just me, or is Jay Leno trying to show his audience that he still has some spark of life and isn't just a toadying sycophant? First pairing up Ann Coulter and George Carlin (anti-climactic as it was), and now this aggressive questioning of Mr. Landis.

Of course I still won't watch the show...he gets on my last nerve. He has good tastes in motorcycles, though. I will give him that.




Finally, another inductee into the "International League of Buttheads", sponsored by Rancho Sudiegirl, Inc. Our slogan is "I didn't know the gun was loaded!"


Name of inductee: Joe Caramagno (a lawyer from Nevada)

Reason for induction: Showed up TWO HOURS LATE AND DRUNK for a trial. To quote the article, which can be accessed by clicking here:

After arriving two hours late for trial smelling of tequila, and getting tangled in lie after lie trying to explain his tardiness, a defense attorney caused his client to get a mistrial during a rape trial last week.

The judge hearing the case rejected attorney Joe Caramagno's claims that a car accident that morning left him with a concussion and caused him to be late, slur his words and tell conflicting stories.

In addition, the baliff gave him a breathalyzer test that registered at .075, just a smidge below the driving limit of .08.

Needless to say, Caramagno denied that he was impaired. Uh-huh. He's slurring and can't keep his stories straight. The auto accident story didn't work, so apparently getting defensive was the best strategy he could come up with EVEN THOUGH HE WAS NOT IMPAIRED.

Judge's comments:

Here's the kicker...read this quote:

Caramagno told the judge he was driving to court that morning, Aug. 3, when his car was hit from behind, causing him to hit another car. The attorney said neither of the drivers would exchange insurance information with him, and his car wouldn't start. He said a "good Samaritan" picked him up and drove him to court.

Caramagno said he didn't call police to report the accident because he was "not in favor of dialing 911."

Maybe that was his drunken way of saying, "If I called 911 I'd be sitting in a jail cell right now instead of court, but I have a feeling I'll be in a jail cell anyway and why the hell can't I shut up?"

Of course, he also changed his story a few more times, and also stated that he was drinking so much because he couldn't get over the deaths of his grandma and his brother. And if you read the article in full, this isn't an isolated incident.

Boy, that law degree really paid off...I'll bet ya he pawned it so he could buy more tequila.
You've definitely earned "butthead" status, Mr. Caramagno...and may I say, you wear it well.

But I do hope you detox someday...I'm not completely cruel.

And with that, I must say, "Hasta la bye bye" until tomorrow. BYE!

Sudiegirl