Musings of a chick: Thursday torrents

Candidate scraps Mel Gibson fund-raising letter
(However, Lyndon LaRouche has left several phone messages for Gibson, inviting him to various cookouts.)

So, my little turnip greens...it's another day, another way of bringin' that Sudiegirl goodness to the masses.

It is kind of scary around here, with the terrorist plot in England thwarted. According to the latest headline on Yahoo, we're on red alert. Wow. If my mother's hair wasn't gray before, it is now.

Sorry, folks...I'm still not going home.

Anyway, not much going on here...I have a gig the day after tomorrow in Rockville, for the Big Band Society. They're actually a pretty cool group of people. They all love big band music, and they hold a dance once a month for members (and the general public too, I think). They enjoy having us, and at least I have a good time. It just amazes me that my generation knows nothing about partner dancing the way these folks do. Don't ask me why...it's just not something we do. But I love to see the couples on the floor at events like this...especially when they're relaxed and not counting off steps like an accountant. When they're dancing and just enjoying themselves, it's truly a sight to see. It renews my faith in human nature, anyway.

And speaking of human nature...let's go to the news around us, shall we?

From the "What's wrong with being enterprising?" Department...

According to this article, four women in Annapolis, Maryland were arrested in a police investigation regarding online prostitution. They had apparently posted ads on an Internet classifieds site, namely Craigslist.

We're TRULY in the information age, but one thing I wonder...what did these women look like? I mean, I've had enough bad luck buying stuff off the internet. Can you imagine some guy sinking $300 into a babe that looks like 10 miles of bad road? I suppose it doesn't really matter if you're desperate enough and you close your eyes during sex, but the eyes have to open SOMETIME. Maybe that's what the women are counting on?

Hmmm...this is one business venue that Rancho Sudiegirl will not be participating in, thank you. I don't want to think about Millie posting an ad, thanks. One more question...if it's online prostitution, this means that computer nerds could also become pimps. Think about it...some guy wearing floodwater pants and a pen protector along with platform shoes and a big hat with a feather in it. I can just hear it now..."Download my files and be my bitch." Ah yeah.

Next, the latest "Egg-Suckin' Dog" award winner...

Recipient: Joseph Fulco from Mountain Home, Arkansas.

Reason: after tying one on at the VFW, Fulco walked into a grocery store and started grazing on fruits and veggies. To quote the article, which you can access here:

A Harps employee approached Fulco, 70, who was leaning on the produce for balance, about paying for the fruits and veggies he was eating. Fulco assured her that "he had $500 in his wallet and would pay for what he had eaten," according to the Mountain Home police report.

But instead, Fulco "shoved a handful of grapes in his pocket and left the store."

Result: the grocery employee called the cops, and they found him trying to back out of the parking lot with his mouth full, "remnants" around his mouth and chicken in his hand. In addition, he said he was "going home" instead of taking the blood alcohol test.

Charges: Shoplifting, driving while intoxicated, and refusing the blood alcohol test.

Judge's comments...Maybe I should make another award...the Otis Campbell/Andy Capp Outrageous Drunk award. What do you think, fair readers? Let me know your thoughts. (I know you're not shy about that!)

There are two more awards that I'd like to give today. These awards - well, what can I say about these awards. Let's just say that one of them will be more cherished than the other, OK? That oughta be enough.

The first is the "Attagirl" award for...Phyllis Diller!

Reason: At 89 years of age, she's still performing, and she'll serve as the national spokeswoman for the American Veterans Disabled for Life Memorial. Read all about it here.

Quotes from recipient:
1. "Life is surrounded by humor and I have spent a lifetime poking fun at myself and sometimes others, but the one thing that I know from seeing firsthand on many occasions is that war and the impact of it is devastating," Diller said in a statement Tuesday.

2. "I have spent a lifetime entertaining, working with and doing all I can to support our armed forces. To be a part of building a memorial to honor disabled American veterans is truly an honor and commitment I am pleased to make," Diller said.

Judge's comments:
I have always admired Diller's wit and style. She could make fun of herself, but she got the last laugh every time - she went home with the cash we spent going to see her do her thing. And contrary to her "belief", I always thought she was pretty, even if she was way out. She has an infectious laugh and lots of wit inside her. I think she'll keep going for many more years!

Well, you can't have yin without yang, now can you? Nope. So therefore, Rancho Sudiegirl gives you "The Bimbo". And today's bimbo IS...(drum roll can be inserted here)

LINDSAY LOHAN!!!

Reason: Opening mouth and inserting foot (seems to be a regular pattern these days)

Quotes from article (click here for full effect): Oh, where shall I start?

"I've been trying to go to Iraq with (U.S. Senator) Hillary Clinton for so long. Hillary was trying to work it out, but it seemed too dangerous," Lohan, 20, told Elle magazine in an interview that hits newsstands on Wednesday.

"I wanted to do what Marilyn Monroe did, when she went and just set up a stage and did a concert for the troops by herself," Lohan said. "It's so amazing seeing one woman just going somewhere, this beautiful sex kitten, who's basically a pinup, which is what I've always aspired to be."

Judge's comments:

Nothing wrong with that, right? Well, yeah, there is.

Lohan says that Marilyn went to Korea BY herself, set up the stage BY herself, and nobody else was involved.

WRONG.

If you go here, you'll find the website documenting Monroe's tour of Korea, and GUESS WHAT? She was affiliated with the USO. She didn't pull a Mickey Rooney and set up a stage, then sing her buns off to thousands of GIs.

Apparently Ms. Lohan doesn't bother doing research. That's OK...it's much easier to do shots of tequila than read a book, don't ya think?

And BTW, Ms. Lohan, Marilyn was well aware of her pin-up status, but she also wanted to be well-rounded. She studied with Lee Strasberg at the Actors' Theater (I think that's what it's called), and worked very hard to be informed in matters of politics and world events.

She was never just a pinup. She liked to have a good time...just like you. More like you than you think...let's just hope YOU'RE not dead by your late 30s.

OK...another topic altogether. In the "Why doesn't anyone inform me about these holidays?" department...yesterday was National Underwear Day.

Huh?

Apparently, I forgot to mark this on my calendar for yesterday. It was National Underwear Day in Times Square.

Just think - someone heading to the BIG APPLE on this day that happened to be in Times Square would have gotten a new pair of underwear.

Can you imagine the phone call back home?

"Hi, MOM? You'll never believe what just happened to me. I saw three homeless people, two transvestites, a member of a street gang PLUS I got my wallet stolen and someone gave me FREE UNDERWEAR! Wow...yeah, I'll wait for Dad...he's never gonna believe this."

So next year, someone had better call and remind me of this occasion, so I don't miss out.

To end this entry...an homage to one of my favorite breakfast treats...