Breaking Up, Body Types, "Let's Just Be Friends" and how Sudiegirl feels about it all...

OK...

It's only the second day of the week, and already I am puzzled about things.

First off, a good friend of mine embarked on a relationship, and I was really happy for him. I even went so far as to send this guy an e-mail greeting card with two cartoon animals screaming their best wishes to him. If that isn't a symbol of friendship, I dunno WHAT is.

Anyway, I talked to him yesterday and asked him if he got the card.

He stammered a bit before he answered.

"Yeah...but...well, it didn't work out."

I was really surprised...he raved about her. He seemed to like her a lot. My GOD, he was practically GLOWING! If he weren't such a good friend, I'd have smacked him with my purse.

He later explained that they had "the talk", and he told her that he just couldn't "get into" her physically - to be blunt, he didn't like her body type. He said she was a "big girl", but didn't go into how big.

Once he told me that, I was torn about how to respond.

I have been on both sides on the fence as far as the whole "body type" thing. It used to make me angry (as in teens/early 20s) , but as I got older, I found it humorous.

I remember when I was on the dating scene after my first husband split. I did the personal ad thing, and to be honest, it was a definite sociology experiment.

It was always fine when we were on the phone - we'd chat and have a good time. However, once they laid eyes on me, it was a different story.

The most crass thing a guy ever did to me on a first date? I met this one guy through a personal ad. Again, the phone thing went very well...no worries...but we met at a local coffee shop, and that's when the problem reared its head.

I found him at a table by himself, and said, "Oh, you must be (insert name here). Hi - I'm Sue Ellen."

He looked at me, and I saw shock and disappointment cross his face at the same time. Not good.

Then he said the most inconsiderate thing I ever heard in my life..."Uh...I thought you'd be thinner. You sounded thinner over the phone."

I was flabbergasted. What was my reply?

"Well, gee, you sounded taller and like you had more hair. I guess I'll just have some mineral water, huh?"

(BTW, that was the shortest date I ever had in my life, if not in the history of mankind. If there have been shorter dates than this (about 1/2 hour), please let me know as I hate to be incorrect in my bragging rights.)

I've also been on the end where there's someone that TOTALLY doesn't appeal to me physically.

If that's the case, I try to be up front about my feelings as soon as I can in a nice way. I have used the "let's talk" and "let's just be friends" thing, but I am serious about the friendship part. You have to beat me off with a stick to get me to stop being your friend. I don't think that makes me unique, nor do I expect the "gold star" next to my name on the great chart of life.

However, Larry the Cable Guy put it best, and I'm going to paraphrase it here...

"Saying 'let's just be friends' is like your mom telling you the dog's dead but you can still keep it if you want to." It's just not going to work.

However, I have employed the craven method of, "No, Sue Ellen's not here - she's dead." response on the phone. I find that does work in a pinch, and nobody's asked for a death certificate yet. If they do, I'm pretty much screwed.

But in all honesty, it is a hard call to make. It's one of the great social dilemmas of the world. I'm sure there are arranged marriages in the Middle East where, upon the first meeting, one of the intendeds doesn't like what's in front of them. However, unlike a restaurant, they can't send the order back. They're stuck as stuck can be.

So what DOES a person do (besides fake their own death or find ways to get deported) to get out of this situation?

If anyone knows, please tell me - or else let me know where I can get a Maryland death certificate.

Puzzled yet still darned cute...
Sudiegirl