Go here to read the inspiration for today's post, or, "Mom, do you ever get that not-so-fresh feeling?"

Your old buddy Sudiegirl was truly inspired this morning.

I checked out my friend Rocky's blog and read his story of how he learned the facts of life and all that fun stuff.

I'm glad that I am not the only one that felt awkward about things. However, he got a better explanation of it than I did.

First of all, you have to understand that my parents were products of the '50's. This meant (at our house) that women wore slips when they wore a skirt or dress. This also meant that men had to have a healthy appreciation for cars and motorcycles. (I think the John Wayne appreciation part was just a Sudie's Dad thing.)

It also meant that our house was almost the polar opposite of Dr. Kinsey's house (if you know what I mean).

Example? Well, my sister and I were allowed to watch the bloodiest, goriest stuff imaginable in their presence. However, if one breast happened to poke out, Dad declared it "smut" and the channel was abruptly changed. Is it any wonder that I know so much about guns and am still fairly naive about sex? Not really.

My mom was more than willing to discuss "becoming a woman" with us. Oh, Lord, she practically glowed at the specialness of all of it. She failed to mention the wonderment of PMS, but I suppose the was prohibited from doing so by the Official Mother Handbook. She called our aunt when my sis and I had our first periods. She would have hosted a champagne reception if she could've gotten away with it. So, needless to say, the "monthly cycle" was covered.

Sex was another matter entirely. You've already read the Dad reaction - and his position about sex for his daughters as long as they were under his roof and under the legal age was "no".

That's it.

Not, "I know you might do it in the back seat of a Chevy Celebrity, even though I don't want you to, so here's some condoms." Just "No."

Early indoctrination and imprinting was a part of the process. For example, I had a gun cabinet in my bedroom until I was eleven, and I declared that I wanted the damn thing out of there. (However, the memory of that cabinet lingers on. To this day I can't loosen up and have sex in what used to be my own bedroom!)

The whole "gun enthusiast as father" thing didn't affect my sister in quite the same way it affected me. (BTW, she should be THANKFUL!!!)

I mentioned in a previous entry about Dad deciding to clean my mother's pistol the same night my boyfriend came to visit. I think that was the most blatant example of Dad's imprinting.

He came looking for me ONCE when I wasn't home at the appointed time, and he always took great pride in the fact that when he walked into the Pizza Hut, the look on his face got twelve other kids home on time. (NOTE: To this day, I insist that it wasn't my fault because I asked them for a specific time to be home and they said "a reasonable hour". I honestly thought 2 AM was more reasonable than 3 AM. I attempted to take responsibility and they threw the "reasonable hour" temptation in my face. Not fair.)

Well, since Dad's stance was "NO" on the subject, Mom got the un-enviable job of talkin' bout sex. The sex talk I had was a very memorable one, and it happened when I was in the seventh grade.

1981 was indeed memorable - Charles and Diana got married, and a little film named "Endless Love" came out. In that day and age, it was quite controversial because Brooke Shields was doing things that teenage girls weren't really seen doing back then. I don't know if she used a body double (people that know this could leave a message in comments to clear up the question if they'd be so inclined...) but I have the feeling she didn't.

My friend Steve F. asked me to go see the movie with him. His parents were pretty mellow about such things, and I was really surprised that my mom said I could go. I was wondering where the alien pods were, because MY mother wouldn't agree to such a thing! But I went, there were lots of sex scenes, a guy was hit by a car, and I was pretty bored. It just didn't do much for me.

The next morning (a Saturday), I found out WHY my mom said that I could go.

We got in the car (she was taking me to my dreaded voice lesson) and she decided to take the long way to my teacher's house.

By long way, I mean "almost in another county" long way.

It was then that I got my sex talk. Here (to the best of my memory) is the transcription of that conversation:

Sudie's Mom: Well, uh - how did you like the movie last night?
Sudie: It was OK, I guess.
Sudie's Mom: (pats Sudie's hand nervously) Well, uh - if - uh - you - uh - have - uh - any questions - uh - about - uh - IT, well, uh - you - uh - can - um - talk to me about - um - IT.
Sudie: Well, I do have one question.
Sudie's Mom: Really? (face blanches, looks like she's about to faint) Uh - what's that?
Sudie: How did Brooke Shields get her knees behind her ears like that?
Sudie's Mom: (suddenly puts on brakes) Well, we're here! Have a good lesson!

And that was pretty much it. The technical stuff I got from books, but the emotional stuff wasn't covered. They also didn't mention why boys break up with you and make up stupid reasons when it's all about sex. Nope - that information was delayed, I believe.

I don't talk about sex much with my mother, and really, that's fine.

Ya know why?

Because she might want to talk about sex with me, and I don't think I want that at all. I mean, could you imagine a parent coming to a child for sexual advice?

I think my first recommendation would be for her to rent "Endless Love", and then we'll go for a little drive.