Two examples of the "yuck factor" according to Sudiegirl

Sudiegirl sez: Well, why did I combine these two articles, you ask? Two reasons. One, I’m lazy. Two, because both of these concepts make my skin crawl. I’m sorry…I should respect both the concept of May-December romances and cute, fuzzy little ferrets. But I just can’t. They make my skin crawl. If you want to see me squirm and look like I would like to dig through the floor to get out of a room, just hand me a ferret or tell me of a couple with an extreme age gap getting it on. ICK. So let’s move on.

Couple, 33 and 104, Reportedly Marry
25 minutes ago

A 33-year-old man in northern Malaysia has married a 104-year-old woman, saying mutual respect and friendship had turned to love, a news report said Tuesday. (Translation: "She can’t see well enough to see how bad I look in the morning, or any time of day, for that matter. Why the heck not?")

It was Muhamad Noor Che Musa's first marriage and his wife's 21st, according to The Star newspaper which cited a report in the Malay-language Harian Metro tabloid. (OK…I NEVER want people to think I’ve been married a lot after this. Twenty-one? No. I think that number even makes Liz Taylor and Mickey Rooney say, “Hey, that’s a bit excessive.”)

Muhamad, an ex-army serviceman said he found peace and a sense of belonging after meeting Wook Kundor, whom he said he initially sympathized with because she was childless, old and alone, the report said. (So get her a pet. Why marry her?)

"I am not after her money, as she is poor," Muhamad reportedly said. (This man is truly the king of compliments. Why doesn’t he just up and say, “She’s a stinkin’ dog, but ya know, she’s lonesome.”) "Before meeting Wook, I never stayed in one place for long." (I’m not surprised, given his mastery of the art of compliments. He probably was driven out of more than one Malaysian village for calling the mayor’s wife ugly or something, with angry mobs of villagers trailing behind him.)

He said he hoped to help his new bride to master Roman script while she taught him Islamic religious knowledge. (Gee…so it’s symbiotic. So what happens once she learns her ABCs? What happens once he understands the Muslim faith? He’s on Metamucil duty, folks…plain and simple.)

The report did not say if any of Wook's previous 20 husbands are still alive. (Well, if they were, they’re probably hiding somewhere for unknown reasons. If they’re not, I would suggest to the new groom that it probably isn’t a good idea to eat any of her cooking or drink the water in their home. I’m just sayin’…)

Malaysian Muslim men are allowed by their religion to take up to four wives at a time, but reports of women who marry more than once are rare. Muslim women do not practice polygamy. (Why? Because they’re already good at it?)

Malaysia's 26 million population comprises about 60 percent Muslims, almost all ethnic Malays. Large ethnic Chinese and Indian minorities are Buddhists, Hindus or Christians.
OK…a 104-year-old woman who has 20 marriages in her background. If you do the math, and she got married at – say, 15 years – each marriage would have lasted what, less than 5 years? Ugh. That’s way too much. People won’t show up to your weddings after a while…they probably figure, “I went to the last five of them. What’s so different? I'm NOT buying another set of damn towels!”)

So…on to the (ugh) ferrets.

Wyoming Plans Another Ferret Release
(NOTE TO SELF: Don’t go to Wyoming.)
Mon May 1, 9:53 PM ET
Encouraged by the successful reintroduction of black-footed ferrets into central Wyoming's Shirley Basin, state wildlife managers plan to release more ferrets into the same area. (Shirley Basin…didn’t she sing “Goldfinger”?)

Martin Grenier, a nongame mammal biologist with the state Game and Fish Department, told Game and Fish commissioners last week that the agency plans to release 40 more black-footed ferrets in the north and south ends of Shirley Basin, mostly likely in October. (Ouch! Poor Shirley…she’ll never hit those high notes again.)

Grenier said releasing more black-footed ferrets close to the established population in the basin should help ensure the long-term stability of the species and bring new blood into the population. (Oh yay. Watch me cavort with glee at this news. *note...sarcasm employed here")

"This also provides some additional security against (possible disease) outbreaks" in the basin population, he said. (Ferret disease…I know I should think it’s bad, but I just don’t have the heart to do so. Ferrets give me the creeps, so basically if they’re gone, I’m happy.)

The black-footed ferret was officially listed as an endangered species in 1967. Biologists feared the species was extinct before the discovery of a colony on a ranch near Meeteetse in 1981. (Damn Beavis and Butthead…I can’t look at or say the word Meeteetse without laughing my sizable a$$ off.)

From 1991 to 1994, 228 captive-bred black-footed ferrets were released in the Shirley Basin in what was the first-ever reintroduction in North America. (Gee, I’d like to meet the person who re-introduced the ferrets to my country – and wring his/her neck.)

Grenier said a department survey of the basin's black-footed ferret population last summer counted 147 animals and a "peak" of 33 litters. (Oh goody…BTW, sarcasm involved in that phrase.)

"From the results of the survey, there appears to be a boom in the population," he told commissioners. (Oh, be still my heart. Sarcasm here too, for those who care…)

He attributed the booming population to an absence of disease, such as sylvatic plague, increased numbers of prairie dogs, which are a food source for the ferret, and a change in the agency's survey time from the fall to August, when the animal is easier to count. (OK…first of all, YAY SYLVATIC PLAGUE!!! I support any illness that rids the world of ferrets. Second of all, I LIKE prairie dogs. I don’t want to feed the ferrets with animals I like. Bad idea. Thirdly, I guess in August it’s so damned hot that the ferrets just lay around in the basin and you can count them that way. Just like dirty socks.)

Last fall, biologists released a total of 140 black-footed ferrets in areas both north and south of the current Shirley Basin population. (Great…no addresses? The reporter must have known that I would find these people and beat them with a wiffleball bat.)

Grenier said 69 animals were released on Shirley Rim to the north and 71 near Arlington to the south, and survival rates thus far for the transplants have been high. (I repeat…oh goody.)
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Information from: Star-Tribune, http://www.casperstartribune.net/

Sudiegirl’s final opinions?

In the style of Frankenstein, “Ferrets BAD.” They’re spastic little buggers with needle-sharp teeth, and nobody in this world can convince me they’re an acceptable pet. I worked with a woman who did ferret rescue, and she had a picture of about 10 of them swarming around a closed door in her house. My skin crawled so badly I almost asked permission to go to the nearest bar to drink a shot or two of Jim Beam for my nerves.

As far as the multiply-married-Muslim-madame (how’s that?), and the difference in their ages, that’s also a definite “YUCK” factor. Don’t get me wrong…I can get along with many people – all ages, all walks of life, etc. – but that doesn’t mean I want to do the nasty with someone that’s 104! NO NO NO.

I want to have electricity with someone; I don’t want to have someone who was around when electricity was INVENTED. There has to be another reason this guy wanted that woman, and it’s not just for literacy tutoring. I don’t think I want to know, either.

So onward I go through this bizarro world of ours. I’d better nourish myself with some Ding-Dongs for the road…

Sudiegirl