Two samples of Mother Nature yukking it up

Sudiegirl sez: Mother Nature is truly an entity with a sense of humor (regarding the moose story). But humans are not immune to their own quirks (with the 2nd story being an example. I figured I could blend these two stories together and we would have some kind of bizarre animal/reptile symbiosis thingie? As Kinky Friedman would say, “Why the hell not?” Let’s boogie, y’all!

Police Rescue Moose Tangled in Swingset
Fri Mar 10, 7:36 PM ET
It was a tempting green hedgerow for the hungry young moose.
(I had to set that first sentence apart from the rest. Does that not sound like a line from a romance novel of some sort? I see Fabio with antlers here…)

Somehow, a child's swingset got in the way. (Oh sure…blame the playground equipment. Why don’t you throw in the see-saw while you’re at it, or maybe the Slip-n-Slide?)

The moose, who was trying to snack on a backyard hedge Thursday, got tangled in the swingset's chains. The homeowner called police for help. (Help for the hedge, the swingset or the moose?)

Lt. Jean LeBlanc decided he needed backup, so he called Don Valliere, maintenance man for the Berlin Police, and asked him to bring a pair of bolt cutters. (Wait…did we establish that this happened in Germany? Are there MOOSE in Germany? Do they drink from beer steins, wear liederhosen and sing songs?)

It was up to Valliere, 54, to free the moose. Photos snapped by LeBlanc show Valliere balanced on a beam of the swingset, snipping the chains — just a couple of feet from the 400-pound adolescent moose. (OK, what are two French guys doing in Germany working for the police force? This is just getting more confusing by the minute.)

"It didn't like the idea too much that I stayed close to it, but it stayed calm," Valliere said Friday. "The only thing I was nervous about was getting bit." (Do moose bite? Or do they just tell bad puns and analyze children’s poetry?)

The rescue went smoothly and the moose was freed. It left without looking back. (A moose without regret…isn’t that touching?)

"It just real slow, just walked away," Valliere said. (Ah…verbatim quotes are truly the cornerstone of journalism.)

Well, now that the moose is free of playground equipment and free to roam about the country side, let’s turn to the reptilian side of life. I don’t like snakes. AT ALL. The appeal is totally lost on me. So I guess I won’t be attending THIS Texas festival this (or any year). But when they have a cute and cuddly Maine Coon Cat festival, I’ll be there!

Texas Town Welcomes Rattlesnakes, Handlers
Sun Mar 12, 4:29 PM ET

James Wells and his 1,200 pounds of rattlesnakes were first in line for the annual Rattlesnake Roundup in this small West Texas town. (Something tells me if I were in front of someone that had 1200 lbs. of rattlesnakes, I’d gladly let them be in front of ME instead.)

Wells, from nearby Roscoe, has been collecting Western Diamondback rattlesnakes for 25 of the roundup's 48 years and was waiting before 7 a.m. Friday to garner premium prices — $5 per pound — for the first 2,000 pounds of rattlers turned in. (This guy is going to make approximately $6000 for 1200 lbs of poisonous reptiles? I love money, but not THAT much. I think I’d rather sell Amway than rattlesnakes.)

"It gets in your blood," said Wells, 73. (What a coincidence…so does the VENOM!) "If you're doing it for the money, you're going to go into the hole. We do it more for the sport." (Gee, that sounds like Elmer Fudd hunting for the sport of it. And why don’t you admit it…you like the bucks!)

The event, officially known as the World's Largest Rattlesnake Roundup, started as a way to control the poisonous reptiles in the area but has grown into a four-day attraction that brings about 30,000 visitors and an economic impact of more than $5 million. (And what better way to control the poisonous reptiles by putting them all in one space! True GENIUS!)

Besides the roundup, there's a parade (How do you make snakes march?), a snake charmer pageant, a snake meat eating contest (sponsored by your friends at McDonald’s) and snake-handling demonstrations (Can you enroll people you don’t like that are also clumsy?), which are aimed at educating adults and children about the ways of rattlers. (OK…here’s all I need to know about rattlesnakes. 1) they bite you. 2) you die. NEXT!)

There's also a demo on how to skin a rattler in preparation for cooking or to use the skins. (Why does this sound more like a survivalist convention? “Next up, folks, what do you marinate scorpions in? Billy Bob will let us know after these commercial messages.”)

People come from across the nation and from other counties to take in the event. Hotel rooms are booked about a year ahead of the roundup, which is always the second weekend in March. (Note to self: DO NOT GO HERE IN MARCH.)

"It's what we're known for," said Lynn Adams, executive director of the Sweetwater Chamber of Commerce. "Nobody bad-mouths the roundup." (Well, I guess I’m nobody.)

The roundup is organized by the Sweetwater Jaycees, and the money funds events the group sponsors throughout the year. (Gee, all my hometown Jaycees do is sell candy apples and Christmas trees. Look at what they’re missing out on!)

Since 1958, those who've rounded up the snakes have brought in more than 132 tons of the reptiles. The record came in 1982 when 17,986 pounds were tallied. (I’m sorry…I guess I’m just a city girl at heart. Now, if you could round up almost 18,000 pounds of Chubby Hubby ice cream driven in a semi truck by a shirtless Brad Pitt, then you’d have me. You’d have me in the palm of your hand. But SNAKES? No…out of the question…no no no no.)

Texas A&M University researchers have said the roundup pulls about 1 percent of the state's Western Diamondback population. (Great…so there’s 99% more where that came from?)

Sudiegirl’s final opinion?

Yep, Mother Nature definitely has a sense of humor, but who the hell is she laughing AT? Grrr…