Goofballs and cool stuff...

Well, another day, another scratching of my head at the world.

At least I look darn cute doing it.

Update on my hometown basketball team…they lost in the first round of championship playoffs. Oh well…c’est la vie. Courtney (the older niece) was mad that she didn’t get to go but her little sister did. That’s the way life goes sometimes.

I did tell her about my experience going to the basketball championships for pep band.

The school didn’t want us to go at first until the boosters saw that other schools brought their pep bands. So then they wanted us, but we had to pay for our tickets (as opposed to the school paying for them like they did for the cheerleaders and the statisticians). The next year I complained, the school payed for our tickets, and the team lost. She was incensed by the injustice of that situation from the "old days"…to use her phrase, that was “frickin’ retarded”.

Well said, Courtie-belle.

So what else in this world is noteworthy or “frickin’ retarded”?

(NOTE: That phrase is not meant to mock those that have special needs…it’s simply a phrase from an 8th grader that seems to capture the actions of famous people or other folks who make the national news for stupid actions.)

In the “Noteworthy” department…Mike Wallace is retiring from “60 Minutes”. He’s about as old as God, isn’t he? The news articles say that he will be maintaining an office at the CBS news department, but my bet is this: he is going to show up at people’s homes on a random basis and do a faux expose type interview just to scare the crap out of them and entertain himself. Either that, or file fake Medicare claims, hit on widows at the senior citizen activity center, catch up on “Matlock” and “Murder She Wrote”…the list goes ON and ON.


In the “Is Your Doorstep Clean, Mr. Douglas?” department, Michael Douglas seems to feel it is his duty to comment on the state of relationships among certain celebrities. He frowns upon Brangelina, Renee Zellweger, and Julia Roberts. And…let me guess…Catherine Zeta-Jones is your FIRST wife? NO? Oops…my mistake. And there were NO rumors going around regarding you having problems with SEX ADDICTION? Oh…I have to ask your attorney and cadre of therapists about it? Oh…thanks. And I have to sign this form? And a waiver? And give a blood sample and the names of my next of kin? OK…glad to know that too. It’s so refreshing that celebrities can be this honest and forward without fear of reprisal, don’t you think? (And this is the most BIZARRE pose I've seen in a while...apparently Michael Douglas is channeling "Jaws" or Esther Williams.)

Next, the “Frickin’ Retarded Deadbeat Celebrity Employer” department. Apparently, the King of Pop is not the King of Obeying Employment Laws. He is in arrears to the tune of $300,000 or thereabouts regarding wages, workers comp, etc. God has smiled on him and given him a day’s reprieve before he has to cough up the dough. Of course, God having a sense of humor, he’s probably smiling because Michael Jackson has a spangled change purse with the money in it to match his glove and socks. But really, what is it with this case? Doesn’t Michael Jackson have a “person” who takes care of the employment stuff? Furthermore, is the person real or imaginary? What is it with Hollyweird and their refusal to accept the realities of life? And oddly enough, the “rage” in TV entertainment is reality shows. It’s like a zoo exhibit…”Oh, look! People cleaning their OWN HOUSE!! How bizarre!" UPDATE as of 3/17/06: Michael Jackson has closed down Neverland...gee...why I am I not surprised? If I worked for him and he pulled that crap, just one word would be uttered by me - "lawsuit”.

Here’s my solution for child stars making the transition to adulthood – a seminar that they are mandated by law to attend, facilitated my and starring me. The title? “Get Your Heads Out Of Your Asses, You Pampered Freaks!” Sessions would include “How to treat people at the department store”, “How to stop dropping names at McDonalds”, “How to detox from your own entourage”, and finally, “How to effectively employ people to work for you and handy reminders to remember to PAY THEM!” God. I guess this is why I’m not world famous by now…I refuse to act like a clueless asshole. It's either an asshole with a clue or nothing for your favorite bipolar redhead.

So now, on to the “Go NATS!” department. The design for the Washington Nationals stadium has been released, and it’s gorgeous. Now all we have to do is keep Linda Cropp away from there and we’ll be set. It might require lots of security work (posting her picture in all public areas – which would also help with pest control; offering cash rewards for her head on a silver platter; I am open to other ideas on the subject, BTW).

Also, they are looking for people to sing the Star-Spangled Banner at home games this year…they want audition tapes from potential singers. Do you folks out there in blogland think I should give it a go? I tell you what…I think I’ll recount my odyssey into the world of Major League Baseball on this h’yar blog so you all will find out what I go through just to sing our country’s national anthem. Watch…I probably won’t even be picked. But wouldn’t it be a hoot if I WERE? Oh boy. I'll keep you posted.

Finally, in the “huh?” department, recent studies have determined that marijuana impairs memory. There was other stuff too, but …well, you know…hey, man, I’m really hungry. Anyone have a bucket of KFC?

I gotta go…

Sudiegirl
(who doesn’t really have the munchies…I was just playing.)