And now, from the "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor on the Painting Overnight" files and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: Ya know, I’ve done many stupid things as a youth. But I don’t think it would have even occurred to me to park my chewed gum on a valuable painting…or any painting, for that matter. Apparently, art appreciation was lost on this kid, and he’ll be forever known as “the stupid kid who stuck gum on a painting.” I pity his children, if the state lets him sire any.

Boy, 12, Sticks Gum on $1.5M Painting
Tue Feb 28, 7:40 PM ET

A 12-year-old visitor to the Detroit Institute of Arts stuck a wad of gum to a $1.5 million painting, leaving a stain the size of a quarter, officials say. (Not to mention the blister on his butt the size of his dad’s hand.)

The boy was part of a school group from Holly that visited the museum on Friday, officials say. They say he took a piece of Wrigley's Extra Polar Ice gum out of his mouth and stuck it on Helen Frankenthaler's "The Bay," an abstract painting from 1963. (Well, gee…at least it was a name brand gum. Could you imagine what would’ve happened if the gum was generic?)

The museum acquired the work in 1965 and says it is worth about $1.5 million. (Not right now, it ain’t.)

The gum stuck to the painting's lower left corner and did not adhere to the fiber of the canvas, officials told the Detroit Free Press. But it left a chemical residue about the size of a quarter, said Becky Hart, assistant curator of contemporary art. (So that means he really pushed it down on the painting! Usually it’s just a little lump when you take it out of your mouth. Also, is "chemical residue" a fancy way of saying "spit"?)

The museum's conservation department is researching the chemicals in the gum to decide which solvent to use to clean it. The museum hopes to make the repair in two weeks and will keep "The Bay" on display in the meantime, she said. (Are they going to put a sticky note on the frame saying, “Please ignore the quarter-sized spot in the corner; it’ll be fixed in two weeks”? Also, was it sugarless or regular gum?)

"Our expectation is that the painting is going to be fine," Hart said. (Well, thank God for that. BTW, a photo of the injured painting is at left, if Yahoo Image Search is to be trusted.)

Holly Academy director Julie Kildee said the boy had been suspended from the charter school and says his parents also have disciplined him. (OK…I understand disciplining a kid for sticking gum on a painting, but SUSPENSION? I guess, though, if something that is worth more than any amount of money the teachers will ever see, I’d want to suspend the kid too…preferably over a moat filled with alligators.)

"Even though we give very strict guidelines on proper behavior and we hold students to high standards, he is only 12 and I don't think he understood the ramifications of what he did before it happened, but he certainly understands the severity of it now," said Kildee. (Yeah, I’d say he does…or else he doesn’t.)

Sudiegirl’s final opinion?

Better stick to hard candy.

Get it? STICK? HA-HA?

Oh God…I give up.
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On the Net:
Detroit Institute of Arts: http://www.dia.org