Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Unanswered Questions of the Universe...

And now, it’s time for another edition of “Unanswered Questions of the Universe”.

Unanswered Question #1:
The singers for Air Supply…gay or not gay? (I’m not a homophobe…I’m just wondering. After the revelation in a comment left about Fabio being gay, I’m leaving NO STONE or SINGER unturned.) I realize this dates me as a true ‘80’s chick, but it’s something I’ve wondered about since jr. high. I always thought they were singing to each other.

Unanswered Question #2:
Why doesn’t Tonya Harding go out for roller derby? She can skate and kick ass (as we’ve seen in various news items through the years), plus she’s kind of scary-looking. Not ugly, just intimidating.

Unanswered Question #3
What happened to Jimmy McNichol (as in Kristy’s brother)? We all know that Kristy had her share of troubles, but we don’t ever hear about him. Where is he? (The fact that I remember him also dates me incredibly. Get the walker and Metamucil ready for me, folks…)

Unanswered Question #4
Why do people get so offended at the crocodiles in “Pearls Before Swine”? To me, they’re hilarious because they’re stupid yet optimistic, but I don’t identify them as being a different ethnic group than myself. Different species, yes. To me, when I read the crocs’ dialogue, I think of Cookie Monster (who is also a different species than myself). If you recall, one of his standard lines is “Me do anything for cookie.” Me just want answers.

Unanswered Question #5
Am I the only one in this world who didn’t watch any of the Olympics from beginning to end? I’m sorry…but with digital cable and long-awaited access to Boomerang (the “antique cartoon channel”) I’m simply making up for lost time.

Unanswered Question #6
Why isn’t there a law that once Academy Award nominations are released, there should also be a “gag order” on all articles predicting who will win? I don’t want to find out until that night, y’all! Especially if my choices don’t agree with the “general public’s”. (P.S. Go Giamatti! Go P.S. Hoffman!)

Unanswered Question #7
Why do both Betty and Veronica chase after Archie? Why don’t they see the light on a permanent basis and sue him jointly for alienation of affection or something? Also, if Reggie technically could have Veronica, why does he go after Big Moose’s girlfriend when he knows he’s going to get the ever-loving CRAP beaten out of him? (Yes, I do stay up at night thinking about these things. That’s what happens when one has no life.)

Unanswered Question #8
While at the Metro station last night, I ran across three gentlemen in their 20s wearing Hooters t-shirts and fake WWF Champion Belts. Why is it that the Champion Belts look good on the actual WWF people, but on any other schmuck it looks like a girdle?

Unanswered Question #9
What, exactly, is the appeal of “Sleepless in Seattle”? It’s a movie about two people who’ve never met. One’s a lonely widower who should have called the classic rock station in Seattle to request “Nights in White Satin”, but he called the talk radio station instead. His white-bread sadness is somehow heard by a Woman Who Doesn’t Know What She Wants (Meg Ryan), and she decides that she has to meet this guy. She’s dumping a perfectly nice guy who loves her for some guy she’s never met who could be an axe murderer. I saw it, and I came out angry because it was so TOTALLY unrealistic. Completely, unilaterally unrealistic and annoying. Sorry, folks. I guess I ain’t a romantic.

Unanswered Question #10
This one I’ve asked before, but it still stands…why is it that when you’re single and actively looking for a partner NOBODY wants to come near you. However, when you have a partner, others (like the two characters on the right) won’t leave you alone. Why is this?

Not much more going on here…Mom has returned from Hawaii and she said she had a great time. She got to fly over a volcano in a helicopter, among other feats of derring-do. I think she’s happy to be home, though. It was good to talk to her…she sounded refreshed.

So ponder these questions…America is counting on you. (OK, so maybe not the entire country, just one inconsequential person…give me a break!)