Paris Hilton has had a bad week, I think...

Sudiegirl sez: Poor ol’ Paris Hilton (please note this is typed with a smirk on my face)…she is definitely living on the corner of “Tough Titty” and “Sucks to be her”. (Sorry, Jules…just HADDA say it!) So I’ve got BOTH (count ‘em, even if Paris isn’t quite sure how) articles and I’m ready to gab all about it. Let’s boogie!

Paris Hilton ordered to stay away from man
(Question: Why didn’t they make that plural and also include women, children and most animals?)

1 hour, 2 minutes ago
Hotel heiress Paris Hilton was ordered Tuesday to stay away from a Los Angeles party planner who claimed she called him a "lazy Mexican" and bombarded him with threatening phone calls. (Nice, huh? She’s definitely turning into a girl you want to bring home to Mother…when mother isn’t home.)

Promoter Brian Quintana, who says he introduced Hilton to her current boyfriend Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos, won a restraining order in Los Angeles Superior Court against the socialite known for her "The Simple Life" TV reality show and for an Internet sex video made with a former boyfriend. (She sure bounced back from that broken engagement thing fast, didn’t she? And, I’m sorry…”The Simple Life” reality show and the Internet sex video aren’t exactly as inspiring as “Nobel Peace Prize winner”, any way you slice it. Now if she’d made a reality show about making an Internet sex video with a Nobel Peace Prize winner, then THAT’D be really something.)

Quintana said Hilton began a smear campaign against him after she started dating Niarchos, accusing him of trying to get Niarchos to ditch her for his former girlfriend, Mary-Kate Olsen. (Refresh my memory…is this the Olsen twin with anorexia?)

Quintana said Hilton shoved him three times (*Sudiegirl sings* “Shove three times says you’ll meet me in the hallway…”), that he lost clients after they received phone calls from Hilton warning them not to do business with him (BTW: sign of the apocalypse = people valuing the opinions of some bimbo who dresses her dogs in sweaters and carries them everywhere!) and that she made numerous phone calls threatening his life. (I can’t think she’d be serious about killing the guy…she’d mess up her manicure.)

Details of the stay-away order have yet to be determined. (I dunno…”stay-away” seems pretty self-explanatory to ME! You don’t go near the guy. That’s it. You don’t call, you don’t write, you don’t invite him to your house for tea and crumpets, you don’t get the luxury of standing outside his window at 3 AM with a freshly-sharpened butcher knife…DUH!)

Hilton was not in court and did not testify. (Can you explain that to me? I mean, what…touching up her roots is more important than a court date?) Her spokesman, Elliot Mintz, told reporters, "I've known Paris and worked with her, and the kind of person that was described on the stand this afternoon doesn't resemble the woman that I know." (It might have if she didn’t take her meds.)

So now…we go to article number two.

Paris Hilton in dispute over auction of her diaries, personal items

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Paris Hilton's diaries, along with photos of her in various stages of undress, are among a trove of the celebutante's personal affects that have found their way into the hands of a broker aiming to sell them. (Something tells me she should have checked through that box before she sent it to the Goodwill Store.)

Paris Hilton was "incredibly upset and angry" and felt "victimized" when she found out about the sale according to her publicist. (I’d be pissed because I wouldn’t get half the take. Never mind the victimization shit…SHOW ME DA MONEY!)

David Hans Schmidt, known for handling deals involving celebrity porn, is trying to auction off the Hilton belongings, which had been locked away in a Los Angeles-area storage locker until a few months ago. (Well, how did these precious items of antiquity become released from their bondage? Oh, tell us, Mr./Ms. AP reporter!!!)

The pricetag? $20 million. (Another thing that makes you go “D’OH!”)

Schmidt told the Los Angeles Times the items include 18 diaries in which Hilton recounts past sexual dalliances, celebrity encounters and other adventures. Also included are photographs of Hilton at "wild parties" on yachts and in private homes, as well as her computers, clothing, videos and furniture. (Wow…everything you need to decorate an up to the minute sleazy swingers’ pad. But the question remains…how’d they get a hold of all that stuff?)

Hilton's publicist, Elliot Mintz, has said the belongings were "illegally seized" from the storage facility, but would not comment on Schmidt's description of the items because he has not seen them. (Well, technically, the storage facility wouldn't be held responsible if the bill wasn't paid, even if it was their screwup, right? Plus, Mr. Mintz was mad because he wasn’t part of the take either.)

Mintz said the belongings were left at the storage facility during a 2004 move. The items were sold to an unidentified buyer after a "bureaucratic foul-up" resulted in payments not being credited to the heiress' account. (And of course, the bureaucrats punish the little people by firing them for screwups like this happening to screwups like Paris Hilton.)

Hilton was "incredibly upset and angry" and felt "victimized," Mintz said, adding her lawyers are threatening legal action against anyone in possession of the items. (Well, threaten away. I wouldn’t get too worked up about it, especially if every other word in the diary is mis-spelled. They won’t know what in God’s name she’s talking about.)

Of the videos, Mintz told The Associated Press he was certain there are "personal moments" on the tapes, but added "we're not talking at all along the lines of the infamous videotape." (Well, does that mean WORSE or BETTER? And who defines the standard anyway?)

In late 2003, a sex tape made with then-boyfriend Rick Salomon surfaced just before the start of Hilton's reality TV series, "The Simple Life." (And ya know, if it weren’t for that stupid sex video, the reality show wouldn’t have even made it through the season.)

Schmidt declined to describe the diaries' contents, but said they include "everything that would be dear to a woman's heart — relationships, personal feelings, sex, love, breakups, sexual experiences — all those little things that make up a little girl's life. Her deepest, darkest secrets." (Wait…OK…first he’s mentions the entries as being dear to a WOMAN’S heart, but then ends the statement by calling ol’ Paris a “little girl”? Which is it? I don’t think she wrote about playing with Barbies in there, unless she was putting Barbie and Ken in various Kama Sutra positions.)

Sudiegirl’s final opinion?

Paris Hilton needs to get a life. But then again, since I’m writing extensively about her today, maybe I do too? NAH!!!

But if anyone has an idea of when/where those pages go up on the ‘Net, let me know…I’ll put ‘em in the blog too so I can make some MORE fun of her.

Bye for NOW…